You know when cigarette smokers blow smoke out of the side of their mouths in a cool way? I do that when I drink beer, but with my burps.

Had salmon for all three meals today

Imagine being named FRANK Kafka

Actually screw it, that dude made it so I can never enjoy "a night out on the town to listen to Coldplay with the boys" without raising *major* suspicion.

Did you know that a major bank in America (🏦 of 🇺🇸, 👀) has a client-side validation on their appointment scheduling form to censor profanity?

(Actual results)

Before:
"Hello, I would like to move some assets"

After:
"####o, I would like to move some ​###ets"

What other terms are banned, you ask?

For any organizations participating in this Giving Tuesday, add the following to your donation form to maximize your charitable impact:

☑️ Check this box to quadruple your contribution and never be contacted again

Tonight I’m going to sit down at my desk and answer all the texts I’ve ignored from the past week like I’m Agnes van Rhijn from The Gilded Age #moderndaycorrespondence

Damn I need to dry clean my peacoat? I bought it to look rich as a one-time investment - didn’t know about the upkeep costs!

Is there anything more embarrassing than slipping on a leaf?

Liking the new Avatar so far but need some more attitude and sass from Katara

For any Boston friends, I built a @raycast.com extension to track MBTA subway, commuter rail, and bus departures. Easily check when (or if!) your next ride is coming:
raycast.com/djpowers/mbt...

Tonight I’m going to sit down at my desk and answer all the texts I’ve ignored from the past week like I’m Agnes van Rhijn from The Gilded Age #moderndaycorrespondence

Hello Blue Sky! 🌌