Nikos Ray
@nikosray.bsky.social
Sports, Nature & Humor. Not always in that order. Follow me for some random sports (mostly Green Bay Packers) takes and I'll follow you back!
This place is great without the toxicity. Let's keep it that way, huh?
This place is great without the toxicity. Let's keep it that way, huh?
No--there is a whole branch of psychology that proves this.
For example: when we label a kid as a bully, they will probably stay a bully.
But if we label the specific actions that were bullying, there is an easy, direct path to change.
For example: when we label a kid as a bully, they will probably stay a bully.
But if we label the specific actions that were bullying, there is an easy, direct path to change.
February 8, 2024 at 4:05 PM
No--there is a whole branch of psychology that proves this.
For example: when we label a kid as a bully, they will probably stay a bully.
But if we label the specific actions that were bullying, there is an easy, direct path to change.
For example: when we label a kid as a bully, they will probably stay a bully.
But if we label the specific actions that were bullying, there is an easy, direct path to change.
Agreed, but that goes for all races, not just people who aren't black
February 8, 2024 at 4:02 PM
Agreed, but that goes for all races, not just people who aren't black
You CAN call it racism. I highly encourage it, even. I'm saying that if you just label the person as racist and not the specific behavior as racist, they are less likely to correct that behavior and instead will just go into defense mode.
February 8, 2024 at 3:59 PM
You CAN call it racism. I highly encourage it, even. I'm saying that if you just label the person as racist and not the specific behavior as racist, they are less likely to correct that behavior and instead will just go into defense mode.
At no point did I say it's wrong to call someone racist.
At no point did I say it's wrong because it hurts the offenders feelings.
I said labeling a whole person as racist sends them into defense mode. If that's your goal, cool. But if the goal is changing the behavior,single out the behavior.
At no point did I say it's wrong because it hurts the offenders feelings.
I said labeling a whole person as racist sends them into defense mode. If that's your goal, cool. But if the goal is changing the behavior,single out the behavior.
February 8, 2024 at 3:56 PM
At no point did I say it's wrong to call someone racist.
At no point did I say it's wrong because it hurts the offenders feelings.
I said labeling a whole person as racist sends them into defense mode. If that's your goal, cool. But if the goal is changing the behavior,single out the behavior.
At no point did I say it's wrong because it hurts the offenders feelings.
I said labeling a whole person as racist sends them into defense mode. If that's your goal, cool. But if the goal is changing the behavior,single out the behavior.
This is actually my entire point. There are so many people who brush things aside with "but I'm not racist" because they actually have no clue what they did or said that was racist, so nothing changes.
Some people need what they've done wrong to be spelled out for them or they won't change
Some people need what they've done wrong to be spelled out for them or they won't change
February 8, 2024 at 3:53 PM
This is actually my entire point. There are so many people who brush things aside with "but I'm not racist" because they actually have no clue what they did or said that was racist, so nothing changes.
Some people need what they've done wrong to be spelled out for them or they won't change
Some people need what they've done wrong to be spelled out for them or they won't change
You don't need to agree but this is science: if you want a person to be defensive and shut down, label the person. If you want the behavior to change, label the behavior. It's more effective in pretty much every way.
February 8, 2024 at 3:49 PM
You don't need to agree but this is science: if you want a person to be defensive and shut down, label the person. If you want the behavior to change, label the behavior. It's more effective in pretty much every way.
Um, it's not?
I never said it was?
The whole conversation was about changing racist behavior, and my point was that we need to be better about labeling the behavior rather than just the individual.
I never said it was?
The whole conversation was about changing racist behavior, and my point was that we need to be better about labeling the behavior rather than just the individual.
February 8, 2024 at 3:47 PM
Um, it's not?
I never said it was?
The whole conversation was about changing racist behavior, and my point was that we need to be better about labeling the behavior rather than just the individual.
I never said it was?
The whole conversation was about changing racist behavior, and my point was that we need to be better about labeling the behavior rather than just the individual.
I have no problem with people disagreeing with me but if you could all stop calling me white I would very much appreciate it because I'm not.
February 8, 2024 at 3:43 PM
I have no problem with people disagreeing with me but if you could all stop calling me white I would very much appreciate it because I'm not.
THEN, if they don't change, it's totally fair game to call them a shifty person
February 8, 2024 at 3:42 PM
THEN, if they don't change, it's totally fair game to call them a shifty person
Yes, the action, not the person.
If the goal is to actually change someone's behavior, saying "that was a shifty thing to do" is infinitely more powerful than saying "you're a shitty person"
If the goal is to actually change someone's behavior, saying "that was a shifty thing to do" is infinitely more powerful than saying "you're a shitty person"
February 8, 2024 at 3:42 PM
Yes, the action, not the person.
If the goal is to actually change someone's behavior, saying "that was a shifty thing to do" is infinitely more powerful than saying "you're a shitty person"
If the goal is to actually change someone's behavior, saying "that was a shifty thing to do" is infinitely more powerful than saying "you're a shitty person"
Where have I ever implied I don't give a shit about the victim?
The conversation was about fixing and changing racist behavior. Tell me, Mekka, how does one do that without ever addressing the offender/perpetrators?
The conversation was about fixing and changing racist behavior. Tell me, Mekka, how does one do that without ever addressing the offender/perpetrators?
February 8, 2024 at 3:39 PM
Where have I ever implied I don't give a shit about the victim?
The conversation was about fixing and changing racist behavior. Tell me, Mekka, how does one do that without ever addressing the offender/perpetrators?
The conversation was about fixing and changing racist behavior. Tell me, Mekka, how does one do that without ever addressing the offender/perpetrators?
"Hey guys, I work in criminal reform to help people make better choices after they've made some bad ones."
"Oh, so you literally don't care about the victims at all? Wow what a monster."
"Oh, so you literally don't care about the victims at all? Wow what a monster."
February 8, 2024 at 3:37 PM
"Hey guys, I work in criminal reform to help people make better choices after they've made some bad ones."
"Oh, so you literally don't care about the victims at all? Wow what a monster."
"Oh, so you literally don't care about the victims at all? Wow what a monster."
Not in a million years. Again, it's not the victims responsibility to reform the offender--it's mine.
I fundamentally believe people who do bad things aren't bad forever. Most can change, although too often there are people who aren't interested in changing.
I fundamentally believe people who do bad things aren't bad forever. Most can change, although too often there are people who aren't interested in changing.
February 8, 2024 at 3:34 PM
Not in a million years. Again, it's not the victims responsibility to reform the offender--it's mine.
I fundamentally believe people who do bad things aren't bad forever. Most can change, although too often there are people who aren't interested in changing.
I fundamentally believe people who do bad things aren't bad forever. Most can change, although too often there are people who aren't interested in changing.
That's totally fair. Im in human services and I work with both victims and offenders, and the attitude of "fuck the offenders I'm not spending a minute of my time on them" it's super common. And I get that.
But I personally belive those people are re-claimable. They can change.
But I personally belive those people are re-claimable. They can change.
February 8, 2024 at 3:29 PM
That's totally fair. Im in human services and I work with both victims and offenders, and the attitude of "fuck the offenders I'm not spending a minute of my time on them" it's super common. And I get that.
But I personally belive those people are re-claimable. They can change.
But I personally belive those people are re-claimable. They can change.
Understandable.
I work in human services with both victims and offenders, and I get that some people just don't give a shit about the offenders. But man, that's where the biggest opportunity for change is. I can be there for a victim, but it won't prevent more victims. Changing the offender will.
I work in human services with both victims and offenders, and I get that some people just don't give a shit about the offenders. But man, that's where the biggest opportunity for change is. I can be there for a victim, but it won't prevent more victims. Changing the offender will.
February 8, 2024 at 3:26 PM
Understandable.
I work in human services with both victims and offenders, and I get that some people just don't give a shit about the offenders. But man, that's where the biggest opportunity for change is. I can be there for a victim, but it won't prevent more victims. Changing the offender will.
I work in human services with both victims and offenders, and I get that some people just don't give a shit about the offenders. But man, that's where the biggest opportunity for change is. I can be there for a victim, but it won't prevent more victims. Changing the offender will.
No worries.
Here's my question: when a 17 year old white girl in Indiana says something racist that she has no clue is racist because that's how she was raised, will straight up calling her racist fix anything?
She needs the specific behavior/action labeled or she'll never change.
Here's my question: when a 17 year old white girl in Indiana says something racist that she has no clue is racist because that's how she was raised, will straight up calling her racist fix anything?
She needs the specific behavior/action labeled or she'll never change.
February 8, 2024 at 3:23 PM
No worries.
Here's my question: when a 17 year old white girl in Indiana says something racist that she has no clue is racist because that's how she was raised, will straight up calling her racist fix anything?
She needs the specific behavior/action labeled or she'll never change.
Here's my question: when a 17 year old white girl in Indiana says something racist that she has no clue is racist because that's how she was raised, will straight up calling her racist fix anything?
She needs the specific behavior/action labeled or she'll never change.
Sorry if I made it seem like it's that person's responsibility to correct the other person. It's not. But some people are so dense that simply calling them racist won't work--they need to know specifically what it was that was racist and why it's racist. That's the only way behavior improves.
February 8, 2024 at 3:18 PM
Sorry if I made it seem like it's that person's responsibility to correct the other person. It's not. But some people are so dense that simply calling them racist won't work--they need to know specifically what it was that was racist and why it's racist. That's the only way behavior improves.
I do feel that it's time for me to point out that I am not, in fact, white.
I get why focusing on the perpetrator and not the victim is frustrating. I get that. But unfortunately we can't change peoples behavior without addressing them directly.
I get why focusing on the perpetrator and not the victim is frustrating. I get that. But unfortunately we can't change peoples behavior without addressing them directly.
February 8, 2024 at 3:14 PM
I do feel that it's time for me to point out that I am not, in fact, white.
I get why focusing on the perpetrator and not the victim is frustrating. I get that. But unfortunately we can't change peoples behavior without addressing them directly.
I get why focusing on the perpetrator and not the victim is frustrating. I get that. But unfortunately we can't change peoples behavior without addressing them directly.
My goal is to change people's behavior. Unfortunately to do that requires focusing on the person who actually did the thing.
We can care for and empathize with the victim, and ensure they have resources, but if we don't address the perpetrators behavior, it's just going to happen again.
We can care for and empathize with the victim, and ensure they have resources, but if we don't address the perpetrators behavior, it's just going to happen again.
February 8, 2024 at 3:09 PM
My goal is to change people's behavior. Unfortunately to do that requires focusing on the person who actually did the thing.
We can care for and empathize with the victim, and ensure they have resources, but if we don't address the perpetrators behavior, it's just going to happen again.
We can care for and empathize with the victim, and ensure they have resources, but if we don't address the perpetrators behavior, it's just going to happen again.
I agree, but for many people, its pure ignorance. If we just call them racist without calling out the specific behavior, how can we expect the behavior to change? If they literally don't know why they're racist, what have we accomplished?
February 8, 2024 at 3:06 PM
I agree, but for many people, its pure ignorance. If we just call them racist without calling out the specific behavior, how can we expect the behavior to change? If they literally don't know why they're racist, what have we accomplished?
Racism is incredibly shameful--but if we direct that all of that shame towards the individual and not the behavior that needs to change, than NOTHING changes
February 8, 2024 at 3:01 PM
Racism is incredibly shameful--but if we direct that all of that shame towards the individual and not the behavior that needs to change, than NOTHING changes
Oh, shame can be a good thing--only if you are using it to actually promote change. But shaming someone into oblivion without actually telling them what specifically needs to change doesn't change anything at all
February 8, 2024 at 3:00 PM
Oh, shame can be a good thing--only if you are using it to actually promote change. But shaming someone into oblivion without actually telling them what specifically needs to change doesn't change anything at all
Please go look at the rest of our conversation--my entire goal is changing racist behavior. Like, I'm literally saying we should focus on doing better. The idea that I'm rejecting consequences is so far from what I'm saying.
February 8, 2024 at 2:58 PM
Please go look at the rest of our conversation--my entire goal is changing racist behavior. Like, I'm literally saying we should focus on doing better. The idea that I'm rejecting consequences is so far from what I'm saying.
Chantal, we want the same thing, here. There is a whole psychology behind labels. If you want someone to change their behavior, label the BEHAVIOR rather than the person.
It's when a person continues that behavior after learning its wrong that it's ok to label them.
It's when a person continues that behavior after learning its wrong that it's ok to label them.
February 8, 2024 at 2:55 PM
Chantal, we want the same thing, here. There is a whole psychology behind labels. If you want someone to change their behavior, label the BEHAVIOR rather than the person.
It's when a person continues that behavior after learning its wrong that it's ok to label them.
It's when a person continues that behavior after learning its wrong that it's ok to label them.
If someone makes a bad decision, they are a bad person? If I make my wife a single bad dinner, am I now labeled as a bad cook?
A culture where the entire person is labeled something because of a single action isn't a culture that promotes change, it's a culture that promotes shame.
A culture where the entire person is labeled something because of a single action isn't a culture that promotes change, it's a culture that promotes shame.
February 8, 2024 at 2:45 PM
If someone makes a bad decision, they are a bad person? If I make my wife a single bad dinner, am I now labeled as a bad cook?
A culture where the entire person is labeled something because of a single action isn't a culture that promotes change, it's a culture that promotes shame.
A culture where the entire person is labeled something because of a single action isn't a culture that promotes change, it's a culture that promotes shame.