Nick Assunto
@nickassunto.bsky.social
Black List Recommended Screenwriter. Nerd. Autistic. I write funny things for money but nobody has paid me yet so please pay me the munnies for the funnies.
Spotify recommended me a playlist called "2000s Dad Rock" so brb I have to go kill myself.
December 3, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Spotify recommended me a playlist called "2000s Dad Rock" so brb I have to go kill myself.
When Lyft and Uber combine there’s no stopping the inevitable Luber.
November 14, 2025 at 6:14 PM
When Lyft and Uber combine there’s no stopping the inevitable Luber.
When Orcs eat other Orcs, do you think they ever make Pulled Orc sandwiches?
October 31, 2025 at 8:55 PM
When Orcs eat other Orcs, do you think they ever make Pulled Orc sandwiches?
Give somebody permanent anxiety by texting “I have a lot of feelings I need to get out.” Then start another text but just leave it like that til humanity no longer exists.
October 27, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Give somebody permanent anxiety by texting “I have a lot of feelings I need to get out.” Then start another text but just leave it like that til humanity no longer exists.
Americans need to go on strike as a whole. Anyone working a non-essential job. If this country won’t work for us, we shouldn’t work for it and the rich who run it.
October 22, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Americans need to go on strike as a whole. Anyone working a non-essential job. If this country won’t work for us, we shouldn’t work for it and the rich who run it.
My grandparents who love Fox News left me a voicemail making sure I was safe in Portland. How do I get on Fox News to declare myself the head of Antifa as a bit?
October 9, 2025 at 3:52 AM
My grandparents who love Fox News left me a voicemail making sure I was safe in Portland. How do I get on Fox News to declare myself the head of Antifa as a bit?
@jamesgunn.bsky.social Humoring myself with this pitch lol
Okay so DCU paranoid thriller focused on Two-Face. He robs a bank, but Batman shows up and quickly takes out his crew. He goes on the run. Batman closes in. When Two-Face is caught he rips off Batman’s—
Okay so DCU paranoid thriller focused on Two-Face. He robs a bank, but Batman shows up and quickly takes out his crew. He goes on the run. Batman closes in. When Two-Face is caught he rips off Batman’s—
August 15, 2025 at 5:52 AM
@jamesgunn.bsky.social Humoring myself with this pitch lol
Okay so DCU paranoid thriller focused on Two-Face. He robs a bank, but Batman shows up and quickly takes out his crew. He goes on the run. Batman closes in. When Two-Face is caught he rips off Batman’s—
Okay so DCU paranoid thriller focused on Two-Face. He robs a bank, but Batman shows up and quickly takes out his crew. He goes on the run. Batman closes in. When Two-Face is caught he rips off Batman’s—
The Millennial curse of having a random commercial pop in your head like (John Madden Voice) “Tough Actin’ Tenactin.”
July 29, 2025 at 3:53 AM
The Millennial curse of having a random commercial pop in your head like (John Madden Voice) “Tough Actin’ Tenactin.”
If you say "thank you" in German with a Scottish accent, you too can become a Shrek.
April 22, 2025 at 7:19 PM
If you say "thank you" in German with a Scottish accent, you too can become a Shrek.
Sinners was incredible but I shall also alt title it "O Vampire, Where Art Thou?" for my own entertainment.
April 19, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Sinners was incredible but I shall also alt title it "O Vampire, Where Art Thou?" for my own entertainment.
How I imagine Wes Anderson's DP messes with him
Peralta Pranks Holt | Brooklyn Nine-Nine
YouTube video by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
www.youtube.com
April 10, 2025 at 7:26 PM
How I imagine Wes Anderson's DP messes with him
What’s annoying is the strategy is clearly tank the economy then point the blame on anyone they don’t like. And it’ll work on many.
April 4, 2025 at 5:26 AM
What’s annoying is the strategy is clearly tank the economy then point the blame on anyone they don’t like. And it’ll work on many.
Dear Film Industry,
I'm a two time Black List Recommended Screenwriter. Ask @franklinleonard.bsky.social
I was also featured on their annual Disability List.
I've been on the OWA list at Sony Pictures. I've been optioned by an indie producer.
I would love a paying job, though.
Thanks.
Nick
I'm a two time Black List Recommended Screenwriter. Ask @franklinleonard.bsky.social
I was also featured on their annual Disability List.
I've been on the OWA list at Sony Pictures. I've been optioned by an indie producer.
I would love a paying job, though.
Thanks.
Nick
April 2, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Dear Film Industry,
I'm a two time Black List Recommended Screenwriter. Ask @franklinleonard.bsky.social
I was also featured on their annual Disability List.
I've been on the OWA list at Sony Pictures. I've been optioned by an indie producer.
I would love a paying job, though.
Thanks.
Nick
I'm a two time Black List Recommended Screenwriter. Ask @franklinleonard.bsky.social
I was also featured on their annual Disability List.
I've been on the OWA list at Sony Pictures. I've been optioned by an indie producer.
I would love a paying job, though.
Thanks.
Nick
So tired I just stepped on my own shoelace and apologized to myself thinking I bumped into someone. No one is near me.
March 24, 2025 at 7:06 PM
So tired I just stepped on my own shoelace and apologized to myself thinking I bumped into someone. No one is near me.
80s movie pitches were so easy you just had to be like “what if an Italian kid knew karate?”
March 15, 2025 at 11:09 PM
80s movie pitches were so easy you just had to be like “what if an Italian kid knew karate?”
Why do parents who carry their kids on their shoulders not wear large trenchcoats so the kid can do the bit?
March 14, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Why do parents who carry their kids on their shoulders not wear large trenchcoats so the kid can do the bit?
Reacher is basically what if Sherlock Holmes was really very quite large.
March 8, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Reacher is basically what if Sherlock Holmes was really very quite large.
I get the feeling Elon Musk thinks Bond movies end after the villain finishes his master plan monologue.
March 7, 2025 at 6:22 AM
I get the feeling Elon Musk thinks Bond movies end after the villain finishes his master plan monologue.
We have a president who looks like Dennis Hopper’s portrayal of King Koopa. A bunch of Goombas in congress and the senate. A vigilante named Luigi. All we’re missing is a Mario and we’ve got the 1993 film.
March 6, 2025 at 5:01 AM
We have a president who looks like Dennis Hopper’s portrayal of King Koopa. A bunch of Goombas in congress and the senate. A vigilante named Luigi. All we’re missing is a Mario and we’ve got the 1993 film.
Wheel out a guillotine and sharpen it the whole time.
If you were in Congress, what would you do for the State of the Union? What do you think Dems should do?
March 1, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Wheel out a guillotine and sharpen it the whole time.
I have three niblings named Donato, Eliana, and Gabriella which makes me feel like I'm in the Italian version of Duck Tales.
February 19, 2025 at 12:25 AM
I have three niblings named Donato, Eliana, and Gabriella which makes me feel like I'm in the Italian version of Duck Tales.
Stayed up late to watch The Gorge. No regrets. We need more genre-bending horror flicks where Sigourney Weaver shows up as some corporate boss lady like this and Cabin in the Woods.
February 14, 2025 at 8:39 AM
Stayed up late to watch The Gorge. No regrets. We need more genre-bending horror flicks where Sigourney Weaver shows up as some corporate boss lady like this and Cabin in the Woods.
Alright Screenwriting Community, I'm trying to get back to everyone from Twitter. Help me find you!
February 3, 2025 at 5:48 PM
Alright Screenwriting Community, I'm trying to get back to everyone from Twitter. Help me find you!
Reposted by Nick Assunto
Yes, this administration is dangerous and cruel, but they are also shockingly dim and incompetent.
Opportunities are everywhere.
Make everything as hard as possible. Resist every demand. Refuse entry without a warrant. Don’t take the buyout. Their problem solving skills are 📉
Opportunities are everywhere.
Make everything as hard as possible. Resist every demand. Refuse entry without a warrant. Don’t take the buyout. Their problem solving skills are 📉
January 30, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Yes, this administration is dangerous and cruel, but they are also shockingly dim and incompetent.
Opportunities are everywhere.
Make everything as hard as possible. Resist every demand. Refuse entry without a warrant. Don’t take the buyout. Their problem solving skills are 📉
Opportunities are everywhere.
Make everything as hard as possible. Resist every demand. Refuse entry without a warrant. Don’t take the buyout. Their problem solving skills are 📉
Hoping that worm can get back in there and take control of RFK’s brain like a ratatouille situation.
January 29, 2025 at 6:02 AM
Hoping that worm can get back in there and take control of RFK’s brain like a ratatouille situation.