Once we’d compromised on tattoo chokers and dark brown corduroy this was inevitable.

Although I may be biased because I swap despite being right-handed - why would you have the utensil that requires a smaller range of motion (the knife) in your less dextrous (aware of the linguistic irony) non-dominant hand? I do always swap back when I put them down at restaurant though.

It used to be an Americanism but is now ubiquitous. It’s unbearably twee and I rage every time I see it. People are no less dead for refusing to use the word “died”.

If you notice what hand they’re holding the utensils in you’re already damned by a lack of sparking conversation.

Every year you do this to me

Fair enough! I quite enjoyed it for all that.

What didn’t you like about it? I thought it was pretty decent, if a little like flicking through a book of Big Life Lessons For Little Philosophers. But it is Frankenstein via Guillermo del Toro, so wasn’t really expecting subtlety.

That particular one has been on about it for ages. Despite repeated attempts to free my algorithm, he pops up constantly.

Thank you for attending this session of “Nichola Uses The Internet As A Diary”.

Mind you, last year Dobbies nearly murdered me with a “Christmas roll”, which was one of the single most revolting thing I’ve ever eaten, so I should’ve known to steer clear. But the bromeliads are pupping and I needed pots.

If you’ve only ever read two authors writing about the same thing*, one inevitably resembles the other.

* And my point here is that the vast majority of people have probably not read heaps of gritty spy fiction.

I’m slightly projecting - I had a haircut yesterday and my stylist is the only person I’m not married to that I’ve spoken to in person this week.