For MasterCard president of the Americas, including the U.S.

STRP 1: CALL +1 914 249 2000
STEP 2: TYPE 0
STEP 3: TYPE 54757287425#
STEP 4: OPTION 3

I will also take transgender but mostly because this is Peak Androgyne: combining Woman Activities (unsuccessful self-injurious behavior, hair flip, ditsiness) with Man Activities (home repair that you are absolutely not qualified for, excessive confidence while drugged)

'transsexuality is the dangerous edgy identity that refuses neoliberal capture'

I am trying at all costs to keep the super out because I am paying 2015 rent and the fixtures are Landlord Special c. 2012, I am still ripped from prescription drugs I bought from Vanuatu, what is that if not the above

'my dad/brother also does that'

perhaps but I doubt they wake up, give their hair a zuzh because flopsweat is a kind of sea salt spray for dirtbags, and tuck it over their shoulder before stumbling in

if they do maybe suggest some things to them, with no guarantees they will save them

I came up with the shitpost of an identity 'transsexual of transsexual experience' while riffing the other day and it's. I think part of the transsexual experience can and should be waking up drugged off your ass and attempting light home repair you're emphatically too high to do

I feel really disconnected from most biomedicalised discourses around transsexuality- while I usually cite the I Got Teenage Reparative Therapy Before WPATH Changed The Rules And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt experience for TS cred, I think numinous shit like this is as relevant as The Clinic

but then it probably says something about me that I have now been in not one but two situations of total decompensation leading to spiraling the fuck out and being scapegoatable, as in messy enough to shift blame to- which yes I definitely have been overwhelming and messy- because of this fem's shit

I don't really believe in the absolute category of the abuser, I do believe people can shift how they act, but I do think when someone does something that fucked multiple times over the course of two decades it's a sign they are not as open to Growing And Changing as they pretend

I miss you all. but also I just, don't have the capacity to comport myself in ways that are acceptable here given unbearable, constant, desperate Ideation and that kind of tethers me to Fascist Thunderdome for now, which is probably not helping but also means I can be exactly as nuts as I need to be

that's my life update by way of, also, putting it out there that if I start becoming active here I will be doing so with how I manoeuvre constrained by Probably A Lot Of Mutuals With My Abuser, Don't Feel Good About That, etc

I'm not here to spoil the space or out her so much as say that The Conditions That Were Bad When Everyone Left Got Worse and that the dyke responsible is very active here and that as much as I loathe the other place I feel some things about being where someone who is hurting me is vs where she isn't

anyway, I'm not immediately planning on being more active here, because the conditions that mean I am not in fit shape to be on here are very much ongoing and substantially worse for that interaction. however. I wanted to leave an update that things are going to shit and I am being massively harmed

which conveniently is a space where everyone we know in common has not been seeing me decompensate because of her treatment of me for the last year and a half. that's not necessarily conscious but certainly impacts how I feel about it.

anyway. I talked to my abusive partner yesterday and she mentioned that she was drawing resilience on something that I mentioned from people who I know are active over here, and then realised: oh right. of course she would have migrated here.

which has meant I haven't been well enough to use this space, because most of what's up with me is that I am not doing okay.

if you're over there still you've been watching it and seeing that the last seven months and especially the last two have been hell. this is me saying it to the rest of you.

which has all meant that I have gone from constantly battling the kind of ideation this community frowns upon voicing in a pretty high-grade form from that breakup and bad life circumstances to pretty constantly in full decompensation