Aw thanks for sharing this! Had a blast! 💛

It's so good!

4/4 If YOU are a band of rockers bad at naming things, I'd trade the rights to my wrong-answers-only band names for a signed album & two of your finest merch tees after your first album drops, with a “thanks for the band name” credit in the liner notes. Your move, nameless garage bands of Bluesky!

3/4 The Fake Plastics
Tuesday Fruesday & The Big Fictitious
Lace Pretender
Yesterday’s Fortune
The Last Locket
Waif Riot
The Catacomb Socials
Ramekin Lambekin
Parking Lot Maverick
Elseway Fever
Be a Stranger

2/4 Halfway Sparrow
Sleepwalker Travesty
Bingo Delulu
The OOooOOoos
Spork Regalia
The Blammo!
Dracula Fiasco
Shady Happenstance
Stained Lucy and the Alices
The Partial Judges
Gentle Conniption

Lol thanks for reading and bless for following this nonsense. 😆

13/13 To outsource a scam to AI this sloppy is a gift to all satirists. Otherwise, AI sucks. So I hope it’s not breaking my boycott to express how much I’d love to see a tidal wave of small-town drag kings Spartacus TF outta the human-name-salad title of Peyton Couture. Goddexes pleaze. #foundart

12/13 But in 99.9% percent of all cases (please observe the specificity of this metric if you’re out there and watching, Peyton), your inbox shall be graced the next day with a small flood of client leads that lead specifically to NOWHERE. #urbanfantasy

11/13 Big “look up the nurse is smiling—what luck the nurse is meeee” energy. #pleasantdreams & You’re welcome for that subconscious mashup…

10/13 If you’re a savvy person of pure-hearted business (who enjoys licking glitter off the floor) and can hold your own through a fast-paced Discussion of Metric without falling for any of his sketchy-mofo “conversion” tricks, Peyton Couture may bless your fine establishment with business fortune!

9/13 Sadly, I don’t believe Peyton Couture is real. But if I DID, I'd believe that he slides down the secret stripper poles in your chimneys at midnight, to rouse you from sleep via unsolicited and diverse “metric” quotes only to *vanish* in a puff of 45% glitter you get to clean up in the morning.

8/13 Crafting a scam this charming honest yet entertaining to me personally is a great way to con me into doing LOTS of free content marketing for your def-a-human #entrepreneurship hustle tho. All regard Peyton Couture: Bringer of Specific Metric to Similar Business! Prepare ye merrily to Discuss!

7/13 If I thought for a second that there were a human—or other entity of organized intelligence—behind this account, I would be SO tempted to reply to this just to MESS with them. But I don’t want to sign my actual work email up for a lifetime of malicious bot spam, so we’ll do this here….

6/13 Which is to say, I’d trust a Business Wisdom Lead Generator Vision Plan from Peyton Couture about the same amount I’d trust a trail of free, unguarded cupcakes marching into the WOODS. (Please note that these hypothetical leads are non-trusty for slightly different reasons…)

5/13 In all other contexts, this is a TRICK! HaHA! I can tell, because I'm a *business boy with business smarts*, plus special knowledge in trades such as watercolors, unaccredited folklore studies, and designing acoustic trip-hop soundscapes with instruments I haven’t learned how to play just yet…

4/13 In the center of this Venn diagram dwell the Juicy purse dogs of lesbians with 1940s pinup hair. If that’s you, I am ✨shocked✨ if your name is not already Peyton Couture, sir. Who’s a good boy??? (But also, what are you doing in my inbox?)

3/13 Now exactly two contexts could convince me the name “Peyton Couture” is an actual name that does exist: A) the drag king lineup at a small town gay bar, or B) the collar tag on a yappy-type teacup dog coddled by a Queen-of-Versailles-sort lady played by Jennifer Coolidge in any era.

2/13 “…we recently helped [Client Name/Similar Business] increase leads by [specific metric, e.g., 45%] with a strategic redesign. Would you like me to share how we achieved these results and how we can replicate them for [Domain]? Looking forward to discussing! Best, Peyton Couture”