everyday i feel so blessed that i never pulled the trigger on any PLEASURES clothes in highschool

if a dude has one cat im like oh thats cool rock on but if a guy has two cats im like man thats a little weird whatre you doing with them making them kiss or some gay shit?

my hands evolved to be the perfect tools to hold rocks and sticks. they were not designed to hold phones and type on keyboards

Every worthwhile American cuisine has one of four origins:

1. Invented by ethnic minority that wasn't allowed to eat regular food

2. Invented by cult to stop masturbation

3. Asshole customer, chef revenge

4. World's Fair

if theres one thing my grandpa taught me, its to carry a big dick and swing it softly

fyi

What the chicken nuggets in my microwave see at 3AM:

WE MADE IT