Nacho 'Captain Jeopardy' (she/her)
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nach0patronus.bsky.social
Nacho 'Captain Jeopardy' (she/her)
@nach0patronus.bsky.social
1.1K followers 570 following 3.9K posts
Rarely serious; seriously rare

Crafter, Knitter, Nerd, Audiophile

Livin' my life in 80HD / The real #SlimSheddy hangs out under my shed
Posts Replies Media Videos
nach0patronus.bsky.social
I have a baking question that isn't urgent, but I also have ADHD, and my brain is telling me I need to know right now, so:
How do these measurements work on a rolling pin, pretty please?
(Check alt text)
Photo of a metal rolling pin with symmetrical rulers printed on each end of the rolling pin, presumably to measure how wide your dough is. However, the markings that say 4" are about 6" apart. It's late, I'm getting over being sick and my internet searches are keep returning info on guides as to how thick the dough should be, and that's not what I mean.
November 29, 2025 at 6:07 AM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Post something random or have an awful December.
Image of a bearded white man in a suit examining a bottle in his right hand, resting his left elbow on a book and holding some papers in his left hand. The book the man is leaning on is on a wooden table with equipment that looks medical or apothecarial in nature. Above the man's head, the caption reads: Aah, finally... Extra slutty olive oil
November 27, 2025 at 11:38 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Happy Thanksgiving to you all from Yogurt and me. We wish you a safe, healthy and sane day. 🥰
Yogurt, curled into a tiny ball on plush green and white polka dotted blanket.
November 27, 2025 at 2:47 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
They're little plastic figurines, usually about 4" tall. They don't do anything.
Image of a Wolverine Funko Pop toy
November 26, 2025 at 8:56 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Where's the rest of the dog, yo?
Image from an article about pet furniture. On the left, a white puppy lies comfortably on a small red sofa. On the right is a peach colored crate with a square extension on the top. A small poodle's head is peeking out of the extension piece. There is a cushion on the floor of the peach colored crate. The body of the poodle is nowhere to be seen inside the crate, leading us to assume the image was created with AI, or that these homeowners had their late beloved Muffin taxidermied. 😳
November 22, 2025 at 6:01 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
I blame the scented markers (which rarely smelled like what they said they smelled like.)
"Scented" markers circa 1984
November 7, 2025 at 1:41 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Nope. Not sticking my bare hands in a toilet.
An ad for tiny finger toilet brushes, so you can clean the crevices in your toilet with your fingers. 🤢
November 3, 2025 at 2:21 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
This maker of men's sheets doesn't think very highly of men: You're sweaty, you stink, and you don't wash your sheets often. The good news: you like star gazing and bringing yourself breakfast in bed.
#GenderedProducts
An ad for gendered bed linens: Jax Sheets 2.0 for Men are engineered for peak performance in and out of bed. Infused with copper, silver, and bamboo fibers, they regulate temperature, eliminate odor, and stay fresher longer - requiring fewer washes for maximum comfort and hygiene. The photo for the ad shows an adult male with a man-bun, lying in a bed with white sheets, and breakfast for 1 on a tray on top of the sheets. There's a telescope in the background facing the window. The man in bed is facing the window.
November 2, 2025 at 6:54 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
You ever see a vehicle with a tramp stamp before? Now you have.
A cybertruck (aka Swastikar) I saw on the road yesterday. It's already ugly, but has a street tag style decal on the back of the trunk that says 'CyberrTuck' and reminds me of a tramp stamp tattoo.
November 1, 2025 at 4:02 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
It's a trick to get you to buy more chip clips.
Image of 12 chip clips in various colors.
November 1, 2025 at 2:50 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
It's been just over 2 weeks since #SlimSheddy was last seen in the yard. I assume she and Flav are snuggled up in their burrow, hibernating. We'll see them again in March.
Groundhog Slim Sheddy snacking on fallen leaves on the grass in preparation for hibernation. Photo taken by me on Oct. 11, 2025. Haven't seen Slim or her buddy Flav since then. Hopefully, we'll see them again in March of 2026.
October 27, 2025 at 3:21 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Looking up *bagels* on DoorDash last night, and DoorDash is all, "Here are several bagel places, and can we interest you in a butt plug as well? Maybe a side of lube too?"
DoorDash offering to deliver various sexual aids and accessories to my house in under an hour. The bagel I was actually after. (Egg bagel, smashed avocado, cherry tomatoes and spices.)
October 24, 2025 at 1:13 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
You could have 260 packets of Ramen noodles, tax included, OR you could have this candle, which you probably can't eat.
Image of a Ramen noodle candle I saw on ThisIsWhyImBroke dot com: The Ramen noodle scented candle fills your space with cozy umami notes of sage, garlic, and cumin. $27.99. You could make your house smell like Ramen noodles for a whole lot longer if you spent that $27.99 on Ramen noodles instead of a candle.
October 23, 2025 at 2:05 AM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
I solved the first layer/level of this puzzle box yesterday.
A wooden puzzle box, with the first puzzle solved and removed from the box.
October 16, 2025 at 1:09 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
It would've been way funnier if they'd named the *back door* "Anus," instead of the front door.
#MissedOpportunities
"My wife changed the name to our front door. She's a 40yo woman." Image of a smart watch on a Caucasian wrist, displaying two messages: There is motion at your Anus Someone is at your Anus
October 14, 2025 at 3:12 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Bow wow, chicken, bow wow, chicken, chicken, chicken, bow wow, chicken, bow wow COME WIT IT NOW (This is the intro to Bulls On Parade by Rage Against The Machine)
October 12, 2025 at 1:27 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Taken this evening. No filters.
The full moon, with clouds and tree branches surrounding it.
October 7, 2025 at 2:01 AM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
I come over to your house; it smells like there's garlic bread in your oven. I start getting hungry and then you look at me and say, "Nah, that's just my candle."
We're not talking anymore.
An advertisement for candles that smell like warm garlic bread. Imo, if you aren't making warm garlic bread, you shouldn't make your house smell like warm garlic bread. It will make people want warm garlic bread and if you don't have any, that's just mean.
October 2, 2025 at 9:00 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Yogurt: 1
Lettuce: 0
Torn up romaine lettuce (courtesy of Yogurt,) on a dark rug.
September 25, 2025 at 12:44 AM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Another funny-looking groundhog. 🐇
A small brown rabbit is sitting in the entrance to the groundhog burrow.
September 20, 2025 at 4:36 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Well, hey there, Slim!
#SlimSheddy
I'm pretty sure this is Slim and not her daughter, cuz she didn't run when I walked outside, and even looked right at me. (I waved) A groundhog sitting on a cement slab, looking at the camera.
September 18, 2025 at 2:49 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
This is a funny looking groundhog. 🤭
A black cat poking their head out from under our shed. Oddly enough, I saw a starling hop out of that same hole a few minutes later and fly away. What's going on under the shed, I wonder.
September 12, 2025 at 1:17 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Slim's daughter needs a name. 🤔
Slim Sheddy's daughter appears to be sticking around and needs a name.
September 11, 2025 at 11:27 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
Making a playlist just isn't the same.
Image of an audio cassette tape, with "mix tape" hand-written on the label
September 9, 2025 at 1:25 PM
nach0patronus.bsky.social
What in the wide wide world of serial killers?
An ad for "realistic flesh dice," with a photo of said dice. (It's as gross as you imagine) Product description: Roll in unsettling style with Realistic Flesh Dice. Crafted from platinum silicone with moles as numbers, a watchful eye for 1, and even hair, each hand-painted piece is uniquely grotesque. Includes a custom fleshy storage box with peek hole. $100.00
September 8, 2025 at 5:03 PM