And the fact that I sound so cringe writing this makes me cringe. I'm fucking disgusting lol

8/8 🌱 and to THINK that 𝗜 had a chance of improving myself in school, relationships, and myself.. It's fucking 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗰 really. It's. Fucking. 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗴𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.

I should be left to rot. To be backstabbed and betrayed like the people I've come to know for so long. I hate this. I hate myself for this.

7/8 🌱 I FELT DISGUSTED FROM WHAT SHE DID YEAH BUT IT WASN'T MUCH. I BARELY FELT GUILT TOWARDS HER WHEN I HAD STARTED IGNORING HER OUT OF NOWHERE AND USUALLY I'D HAVE FELT GUILT AT THIS POINT WHENEVER STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPENED BUT NO. I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.

6/8 🌱 I did it.. I've rebuilt connection and I'm finally at peace right??? SO. WHY. WHY DO I NOT FEEL AT PEACE?? WHY DO I SEEK THAT SENSE OF BETRAYAL AND HURT
AND WHEN I HAD A REVELATION OF A FRIEND WHO'D HURT MY FRIENDS WHY DO I FEEL SO NUMB??

5/8 🌱 as much of a masochist I am I still don't understand the part of me who wants to be mentally hurt by someone else.. why do I seek to be hurt? I've done 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 I could these past few months to try and fix all of my previous relationship mistakes with the people i've hurt and IT WORKED

4/8 🌱 IDK WHY I WANT TO FEEL HURT. IT'S NOT NORMAL IK BUT I JUST... IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T LIKE CONSTANTLY FEELING HAPPY OR NUMB BUT ISN'T THAT WHAT I WANTED?? SO NOW THAT I HAVE IT.. WHY?? WHY DO I NOT WANT IT ANYMORE???

3/8 🌱 I miss doing SH tbh... I 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 but I can't bring myself to SH myself without feeling sad while at it. I feel numb right now. I mean I can still laugh and 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 happy but.. I haven't felt truly sad ever since.. I don't like this.. I need something, some𝗼𝗻𝗲 to help squelch this feeling :(

2/8 🌱 I 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 appreciate the fact that I'm happier, the 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩 that I'm no longer overthinking shit but.... ugh... why do I miss that feeling..? It's so fucking strange. It's as if I'm becoming more numb. I've admittedly wished to be numb at some point in my depressive state but this shit is so weird

🌱 (5/5)
not sure if that actually counts as a god complex but I ain't adding more mental illnesses to my list (it's a lot already I don't need more 💀) lmao

🌱 (4/5)
idfk what kind of deranged complex i have
maybe a villain complex if that exists
i may have a slight bit of a hero complex but it's so twisted that it's basically a villain complex
also I don't think i have a god complex but i do sometimes fantasize abt ppl praising me as a savior