Chris Betts
@mrchrisbetts.bsky.social
Comedian and very irregular poster
I want to be productive for free and lazy for money. Someone give me 80k to phone it in so I can give 110% to writing the dumbest shit ever and show it to no one
November 17, 2025 at 6:58 PM
I want to be productive for free and lazy for money. Someone give me 80k to phone it in so I can give 110% to writing the dumbest shit ever and show it to no one
*Me putting on my coat and walking towards the door* "Sorry boss, my Mom said I have to go home when the street lights come on."
November 2, 2025 at 2:37 PM
*Me putting on my coat and walking towards the door* "Sorry boss, my Mom said I have to go home when the street lights come on."
Trying to sleep but can't stop thinking about midnight to one am when the clocks go back. For one hour every year today is simultaneously, today, yesterday and tomorrow
November 2, 2025 at 7:11 AM
Trying to sleep but can't stop thinking about midnight to one am when the clocks go back. For one hour every year today is simultaneously, today, yesterday and tomorrow
It's so funny to me to call a 38 year old man my little brother
October 29, 2025 at 6:42 PM
It's so funny to me to call a 38 year old man my little brother
We need to start thinking of billionaires as money addicts
October 4, 2025 at 4:46 PM
We need to start thinking of billionaires as money addicts
"I don't work again until Thursday so I can be as crazy as I want! But I'm kinda tired so I'll probably stay in." - my friend accidentally summing up being over 30
August 31, 2025 at 5:05 PM
"I don't work again until Thursday so I can be as crazy as I want! But I'm kinda tired so I'll probably stay in." - my friend accidentally summing up being over 30
Guys will make fun of the WNBA for being about fundamentals then say Hoosiers is a perfect sports movie
August 1, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Guys will make fun of the WNBA for being about fundamentals then say Hoosiers is a perfect sports movie
It's the SuckCut! it sucks, as it cuts!
July 8, 2025 at 7:04 PM
It's the SuckCut! it sucks, as it cuts!
Reposted by Chris Betts
My new standup special Positive Reinforcement premieres TONIGHT at 8pm eastern time on Blonde Medicine’s YouTube channel. I’m really proud of this hour and grateful to all the people who helped make the special happen.
Watch here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAvN...
Watch here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAvN...
June 27, 2025 at 2:48 PM
My new standup special Positive Reinforcement premieres TONIGHT at 8pm eastern time on Blonde Medicine’s YouTube channel. I’m really proud of this hour and grateful to all the people who helped make the special happen.
Watch here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAvN...
Watch here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAvN...
The truest personality test is what DnD character are you drawn to. I'm a dwarf rogue in my heart and there's nothing I can do about it
June 18, 2025 at 5:51 AM
The truest personality test is what DnD character are you drawn to. I'm a dwarf rogue in my heart and there's nothing I can do about it
Every episode of Bridgerton
The boning in that corset is SUPERB!
May 6, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Every episode of Bridgerton
Reposted by Chris Betts
“And I’m like, what do you mean, you ‘do your own research’? You running a double-blind study in your living room, dawg?”
- A guy walking ahead of me with his friends on a NYC sidewalk in 2021, also my favorite overheard dialogue of the entire pandemic
- A guy walking ahead of me with his friends on a NYC sidewalk in 2021, also my favorite overheard dialogue of the entire pandemic
April 30, 2025 at 11:36 AM
“And I’m like, what do you mean, you ‘do your own research’? You running a double-blind study in your living room, dawg?”
- A guy walking ahead of me with his friends on a NYC sidewalk in 2021, also my favorite overheard dialogue of the entire pandemic
- A guy walking ahead of me with his friends on a NYC sidewalk in 2021, also my favorite overheard dialogue of the entire pandemic
Reposted by Chris Betts
When you ask us Jews to inform the government of our status, it tends not to end well… if true, this is beyond disturbing. Again, never forget, Trump is NOT a friend of the Jews. He is using us as pawns in his game of authoritarian chess.
Trump Administration Texted College Professors’ Personal Phones to Ask If They’re Jewish
“Barnard was not given advance notice of this outreach,” the college’s general counsel wrote in an email to faculty.
theintercept.com
April 24, 2025 at 12:15 AM
When you ask us Jews to inform the government of our status, it tends not to end well… if true, this is beyond disturbing. Again, never forget, Trump is NOT a friend of the Jews. He is using us as pawns in his game of authoritarian chess.
Having a bad day? Imagine different rappers saying "That's a lotta axolotl". Current favorites are Lil Wayne, No Name and young Eminem
April 22, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Having a bad day? Imagine different rappers saying "That's a lotta axolotl". Current favorites are Lil Wayne, No Name and young Eminem
Reposted by Chris Betts
🧵 THREAD: A federal whistleblower just dropped one of the most disturbing cybersecurity disclosures I’ve ever read.
He's saying DOGE came in, data went out, and Russians started attempting logins with new valid DOGE passwords
Media's coverage wasn't detailed enough so I dug into his testimony:
He's saying DOGE came in, data went out, and Russians started attempting logins with new valid DOGE passwords
Media's coverage wasn't detailed enough so I dug into his testimony:
April 18, 2025 at 12:10 AM
🧵 THREAD: A federal whistleblower just dropped one of the most disturbing cybersecurity disclosures I’ve ever read.
He's saying DOGE came in, data went out, and Russians started attempting logins with new valid DOGE passwords
Media's coverage wasn't detailed enough so I dug into his testimony:
He's saying DOGE came in, data went out, and Russians started attempting logins with new valid DOGE passwords
Media's coverage wasn't detailed enough so I dug into his testimony:
I don't know what made me think this but I did so now you have to read it.
Wile E Coyote: I love Dynamite
.
.
Jurassic Park review: It's Dino-mite!
.
.
Her: Are you going to the bar later?
Me: I dino-Might, but I'll probably just order a pizza and have a dino-Night in
Wile E Coyote: I love Dynamite
.
.
Jurassic Park review: It's Dino-mite!
.
.
Her: Are you going to the bar later?
Me: I dino-Might, but I'll probably just order a pizza and have a dino-Night in
April 15, 2025 at 7:08 PM
I don't know what made me think this but I did so now you have to read it.
Wile E Coyote: I love Dynamite
.
.
Jurassic Park review: It's Dino-mite!
.
.
Her: Are you going to the bar later?
Me: I dino-Might, but I'll probably just order a pizza and have a dino-Night in
Wile E Coyote: I love Dynamite
.
.
Jurassic Park review: It's Dino-mite!
.
.
Her: Are you going to the bar later?
Me: I dino-Might, but I'll probably just order a pizza and have a dino-Night in
Bartended a group of real estate agents last night and they kept talking about how tough it is right now. So it's tough for agents, tough for landlords, tough for new buyers and tough for tenants. Cool system, seems great
March 28, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Bartended a group of real estate agents last night and they kept talking about how tough it is right now. So it's tough for agents, tough for landlords, tough for new buyers and tough for tenants. Cool system, seems great
It's so funny that Americans think Canada wants to be part of the US. 90% of Canadian identity is that we aren't American. The other 10% is divided between hockey, reminding people which celebrities are Canadian and not-quite-drunk-but-definitely-buzzed driving
March 21, 2025 at 5:36 PM
It's so funny that Americans think Canada wants to be part of the US. 90% of Canadian identity is that we aren't American. The other 10% is divided between hockey, reminding people which celebrities are Canadian and not-quite-drunk-but-definitely-buzzed driving
The JFK files confirm the president was hit by a Randy Johnson fastball
a baseball game is being played in a stadium with a pitcher wearing a number 55 jersey .
ALT: a baseball game is being played in a stadium with a pitcher wearing a number 55 jersey .
media.tenor.com
March 19, 2025 at 3:19 PM
The JFK files confirm the president was hit by a Randy Johnson fastball
Looking for funny, interesting substacks to follow. Anyone want to promote their stuff or make a recommendation sound off
March 19, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Looking for funny, interesting substacks to follow. Anyone want to promote their stuff or make a recommendation sound off
When I watch a documentary I want the sources to come up on the screen like the cast on Amazon Prime. A little picture of Herodotus up there smiling
March 14, 2025 at 6:23 PM
When I watch a documentary I want the sources to come up on the screen like the cast on Amazon Prime. A little picture of Herodotus up there smiling
Reposted by Chris Betts
Context for what’s happening here.
open.substack.com/pub/sherrily...
open.substack.com/pub/sherrily...
February 22, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Context for what’s happening here.
open.substack.com/pub/sherrily...
open.substack.com/pub/sherrily...
Reposted by Chris Betts
#ICYMI: ProPublica has confirmed the names and roles of more than 30 Musk-affiliated staffers who are helping the world’s richest man dismantle or downsize federal agencies one by one.
The Staffers Helping Elon Musk Dismantle and Downsize the U.S. Government, One Agency at a Time
Musk and his lieutenants are reshaping the government and its mission with the blessing of President Trump. ProPublica has confirmed the names and roles of more than 30 staffers affiliated with the…
propub.li
February 16, 2025 at 9:50 PM
#ICYMI: ProPublica has confirmed the names and roles of more than 30 Musk-affiliated staffers who are helping the world’s richest man dismantle or downsize federal agencies one by one.
Tackling the big questions in my notes app
February 13, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Tackling the big questions in my notes app