I’m so incredibly tired of all the bad. I’m tired of not being strong enough to handle. I’m tired of feeling weak. I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. The rope is tight and I can’t continue to breath. When does this shit end?

I feel like I’m at the finish line (end of the year) but what will that accomplish? A calendar year gone and entering a new one where the same shit will just continue in a new season.

I made steps to do something different. I got lucky and landed the job. I’m fortunate that I could find it even in an uncertain time. I felt so proud of myself but I’m right back to being scared. To having no answers. To not knowing.

I’m not prepared for when this hits my doorstep much closer. I’m afraid I’ll lose.

I sit here and I ponder if this is all there is to life, one worry after another, money money bills bills, anxiety, momentary joys, long episodes of dread. Is this how it has to be? Is this all there is? It can be…