Best Adapted Screenplay: Harold and the Purple Crayon
Best Cinematography: Unfrosted (Jerry Seinfeld)
Best Original Score: Lady Gaga (Joker: Folie à Deux)
Best Supporting Actor: John Cena (Ricky Stanicky)
Best Supporting Actress: Kamala Harris (Trump vs. Brat Summer)

Best Actor: Justin Baldoni (It Ends with Us)
Best Director: Tyler Perry (Mea Culpa)
Best Original Screenplay: BEN & JLO LOVE STORY

So yeah—An anthology series for The Substance. I’ll even help write it. Just make it illegal, disgusting, and existentially crushing. Also, justice for the creepy office—I’m obsessed. 👀

And the office? Don’t even play. That place is now a full-blown underground cult. Consultants smiling like Stepford Wives while they sign you up for eternal misery. Where do those “defective” proxies go? Why does every hallway feel like it’s watching you? I NEED ANSWERS.

The show would be Black Mirror meets The Twilight Zone, but GROSS. Body horror on 100. Peeling skin, twisted spines, melting flesh. But underneath all the gore, real themes: productivity, vanity, connection, and all the ways we try (and fail) to fix ourselves.

a politician (Trump ish guy) trying to clean up their scandal by using a proxy to take the heat. Except the proxy decides, “Nah, you’re the problem,” and starts exposing all their dirty laundry. Imagine the horror when you lose control of your own cover-up.

How about a grieving horned up widow who recreates her husband from their honeymoon phase? But Proxy Husband doesn’t even recognize her, gets bored, and moves on with someone else. So now she’s stuck with her grief and a younger, hotter version of him. Devastating.

A billionaire recreates his younger self to “innovate” like it’s 2008 again. But Baby Elon is like, “The real problem isn’t my age. It’s YOU.” And now the proxy’s coming for his company, his empire, and his ego. Bloodbath incoming

A washed-up screenwriter splits their younger self to jumpstart their career. But the proxy? Smarter, hungrier, and not interested in sharing the spotlight. Suddenly, you’re not the main character in your own story. The proxy starts murdering people for “inspiration,” crafting a killer screenplay.

And then you’ve got the substance itself. That fluorescent goop that turns your life into an absolute horror show? Perfect for a show. Every episode could hit a different theme—aging, ambition, love, productivity. Real human struggles, but add gore and chaos.

The office alone needs its own backstory. It went from biotech start-up to “we only operate out of yachts and abandoned mansions” vibes real quick. It’s giving black-market Botox meets Illuminati. Who’s running it? Where do those creepy consultants come from? LET’S UNPACK.