Alcohol and also just saying yes to every social event I’ve ever been invited to have caused me to create a persona that I’m not. It’s a mask I’ve been using for 10 years to try to obscure how awkward I feel and how unsocial I really am. It’s so free to see it’s a mask and to be able to take it off.

I still get upset about how I’ve been treated. And I reflect on the shitty things I’ve said and done. But I look forward to spending time with myself which is a huge change. I look forward to not going out. And it’s definitely made me realize how autistic I am.

This is my account to scream into the void and I know no one will see this. It’s just cathartic for me to express how much better I feel. How much calmer and more personally fulfilled I feel. I haven’t felt peaceful with myself in so long.

Now, I’m dating someone who actually cares about me and who I genuinely love and like spending time alone with. I’m finally moving away from the place I grew up and always hated. I’m investing time in my hobbies again, and I feel much more peaceful.

Between heavy substance use and people pleasing in a pathetic and futile attempt to have everyone like me, I’ve barely had time to sit alone with myself. To know who I am and what I want.

EXCEPT time CAN pass when I am PERSONALLY READY for it to do so when my ADHD brain has properly caught up

YET I ALSO DON’T want time to pass AT ALL. TIME CAN NEVER PASS EVER IT IS ILLEGAL

I agree and disagree. As a lifelong vegetarian yeah the American addiction to particularly red meat is uniquely frustrating but also even in the past 10 years I feel like the cultural zeitgeist has shifted. Also, the fact that alpha gal is literally spreading like wildfire will help lol

This is pathetic and Virginia deserves better

It’s like a dick, sir 🫡

Put me in the rack and throw apples at my dumb bitch head