But I knew what I was signing up for when I committed to this. Hell, it's part of the reason why I'm doing this since I don't get to do normal. Still, I can't help but wonder about the what-ifs and what it would be like to feel less aberrant.

I'll still take those opportunities and do what it takes because why I'm doing this is bigger than I can put into quick words, but that's what makes it isolating. I don't get to do normal but part of me longs for it; to just exist with people who look forward to being around me while I just exist.

I have people in my corner. In one semester I've had too many professors and faculty say they want me on as a program employee or a tutor or an assistant. There's those who see me capable of more in contrast to those who would rather see me dead, but both affirm that I'm somewhere I don't belong.