I don't think I've got to dump these people but the dynamic of my relationship with a lot of people has changed so I guess it's weird just consciously drifting away and recognizing it as it's happening. But in the same stretch I have to figure out how to interact with people without alcohol

It's always like "can you do this for me" or tonight was "I'm having a fire for work to BBQ all night" and he's my neighbor so I'm already here but if it wasn't something he was making money from he wouldn't be anywhere near it. It's just kinda frustrating and made me feel kinda alone

But again in this span I was sticking around people I worked with professionally but I was always trying to be useful, filling in for shifts, working short staffed events just saying yes to everything. Now I have this friend who won't just check up on me even though I consider us kinda close

The past few years I just got a new skill, being a barfly. Just drinking just because it's the thing you do when you get out of work or you just want to talk to someone. There's always people around even if you can't find anyone you want to talk to, sometimes just being around them is enough.

It kinda conked me over the head, I don't really know what that means. Like obviously I had a problem why are you like assuming my mechanics on this. I used to have such deep sad alone drinking times pre COVID and it's very easy to slip into if you let it. It's like I traded one problem for another

I realized even socially, everyone I know, I know because I've been drinking buddies with them for the last few years. When I'm around them now it's not like I want to drink it's just a bummer. I hung out with one yesterday and he said to me "you didn't quit drinking because you had a problem,"

I eventually walked out because I realized how pretentious a lot of the staff was and it felt like I wasn't even really making money, just showing up to be there. It's hard to feel like you're progressing in any significant way when you're being handed 50 bucks a night for 3 nights a week.

I realized I only liked work because I like the taste of alcohol and drinking. I got all my social energy out from professionally being an alcohol guy.

after I was sober sober that really starts to grind on you and you start to realize all the cracks in the foundation of your motivation

At some point like last year october I started being on Lexapro but I still kinda drank on it and would be on again off again drinking until I just stopped because the double hangover feeling was just too much for me.

Through this whole process I kinda went through an upheaval socially

Very cool Liv Agar thank you for sharing. I am a big fan of your dress in this photo

Can you close that cabinet next to the fridge? Thank you in advance Liv Agar

Squeegeeing feels so good I wish it didnt inevitably make me upset

Very cool sword thank you for sharing Liv Agar

I've definitely been to breweries that sell cookies, some kind of indulgent chocolate chip cookie with a dark beer is great