swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
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michaelswaim.bsky.social
swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
@michaelswaim.bsky.social
6.3K followers 400 following 3.5K posts
Writer, podcaster, comedian - a real hoopy frood you should sass who knows where his towel's @.
CV: Small Beans | CRACKED | Some More News | IGN | 1900HOTDOG
patreon.com/c/smallbeans
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michaelswaim.bsky.social
Battlestar watchalong pod is going normal!
my notepad: "like she wanted to be found out" - oh I see, so she was just sent to put pressure on him to flip him to belief in God, her original agenda. Never was about actually outing him. In FACT, this now CEMENTS trust in their double-agent at the cost of revealing a model he could have already revealed at any time! It's amazing strat from the Cylons you love to see it! They own him forever nowwwwwwwww I figured this out before she explained it to him in his brain, but it's fine I get the restack for the dummies this time. She literally "put the fear of God in him." Okay, but in that case, we better learn a bit more about the fucking Cylon God or religion or spiritual agenda/lore/ethos. Then he goes upstairs to stick his Guy's Ball-tar into her number six if you know what I mean
November 10, 2025 at 4:42 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
tfw when you hit a dating profile with a slugline so heinous you give up on love and uninstall the app
"I don't know what that is, I just know the world has left me behind."
"Get BOGO McNuggets ALL weekend..."
November 8, 2025 at 9:18 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
you besmirch a proud people
November 7, 2025 at 8:31 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
when she juts her jaw out like that you just know she's about to hulk smash and haveta leave space-town under the credits sequence...
Six says "Don't make me angry, Gaius. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
November 7, 2025 at 2:32 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
people when they find this pod's first episode versus when they realize they have to join the Small Beans patreon to hear the rest.
Boomer says "He's a good man. He always does the right thing." Kevin Spacylon says "Are you prepared for the next step?"
November 6, 2025 at 11:59 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
November 6, 2025 at 11:37 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
now watching - Litmus
for - Frame Rate: Battlestar Galactica
Argument on the hangar deck of the Galactica. sub - "Frack you."
November 6, 2025 at 11:32 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
FREE HIM NOW
November 4, 2025 at 9:41 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
Look for episode 1 of this show in the public Small Beans feed tomorrow, wherever you get your podcasts! Me and @codyjohnston.bsky.social talking Battlestar and who's a cylon. I would have totally guessed Dick Cheney but
The logo for the show Frame Rate: Battlestar Galactica.
November 4, 2025 at 4:10 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
now watching - Mobius Dick
for - Star Trek: The Next Futurama

can you guess the TNG episode we paired it with?
From the episode, Leela and crew flee a space whale that bites into the side of their ship.
November 3, 2025 at 5:41 PM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
and now meet our legally distinct mascot, MichelHANDgelOhGodForgiveUsThisTresspassAgainstThee!
November 3, 2025 at 5:21 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
If you have to cut down my memorial tree someday all good, but do please remember to take out the plaque as well this shit is just depressing
A nice plaque commemorating a memorial tree in front of a cut stump.
November 3, 2025 at 5:17 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
there IS a part in the .pdf version where they encounter a race that speaks in signage, but it doesn't really translate to the audio version sadly.
November 3, 2025 at 5:04 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
an excerpt from my novel The Climb, which is by turns a fantasy epic, memoir, play, screenplay, joke book, pop culture essay and spiritualized sci-fi.
MICHAEL (sobbing, gasping) I know that when I die I'm going to turn into a tiny speck of energy that's all alone lost in a big grey void and I'll spend eternity looking around for a little pocket to be in or another little speck to talk to but there isn't anything, just being all alone for eternity. My brain is sure of this. I know this to be true. Imagine that. I know it. JENN I'm so sorry for that, but the world is bigger than us. I can't always comfort you the way you want to be comforted. I don't always have the capacity for that. MICHAEL Well, that sucks. Michael smacks asphalt and his head cracks open. Brains everywhere. Divested of so much ballast, jenn flies ever faster until they finally surpass the cosmological constant and reverse time. When they reach the spacetime where Michael's head was burst, they pause to unspool the visible portions of his brain and read them, run the memories through their fingers like ticker tape. jenn continues backwards, whipping past their Little Dog, who pins them with an e_pression of hurt and bewilderment as they are abandoned to the timestream. It's a look that will haunt jenn for the rest of their life. All is submerged beneath a tsunami. jenn fires off a few 3D-printed hollow-point high caliber rounds at the waves, but it doesn't work, which is crazy. CHYRON - "LESSON - Another good reason to be kind is that, sooner or later, we all get our brains smashed out."
November 3, 2025 at 4:31 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
why do I love this shot so much
shadow falls across an old wall in front of some clouds and bare trees
October 30, 2025 at 3:43 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
when you're the only one at the store who still masks
One character wears a big veil and stands aside as a phalanx of others march past on the same trail.
October 30, 2025 at 2:43 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
You can tell when we're in the camera op's fantasy because the camera magically becomes not a huge pain in the spine to wield.
Same cameraman frame from earlier in the thread, his camera is huge and shoulder-mounted. Later in the fantasy sequences he just has a lil handicam.
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
Bet the dude who applied for the job where you watch schoolgirls go by on the street and guess which ones have "it" was a REAL COOL GUY
Old faded movie star: "The studio director of Ginei saw me on my way to school." Her as a little girl facing the corner as a guy films her against her fill.
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
me steepling my fingers and puffing on my mustache-shaped double-pipe: "ah, a tale of fascist slides like they once had in history times, this will be a pleasant diversion."
Narrator: "Everything seemed to shift to the right."
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
This wood grain is so sexy danggggg

I feel like @yayforzig.bsky.social would really appreciate it for some reason.
Good wood. Fine grain. Cold (but still good) wood grain. A witch's ghost's face trapped in some wood later in the movie.
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
Chiyoko Fujiwara just had her annual MRI and although it was cotemporal with an earthquake we still think she's very healthy and a viable 2028 candidate
Cameraman: "if they're over 70, they're ancient right?" Angry boss man in suit: "She does not age!"
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
Small Beans patron JaneQ sponsored this pick, along with our last Satoshi Kon Perfect Blue, which I loved! Look for that ep on the Small Beans free feed!
Cameraman: "You should've made this 30 years ago."
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
As a career editor, this is just as cozycore to me as any of Miyazaki's meals.
A cluttered editing bay.
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
now watching - Millennium Actress
for - Frame Rate

I hope the movie studio turns out to be sinister, that way I don't have to retrain my Stargate: Atlantis neurons.
The welcome gate outside Ginei Film Studios. The Genii from Stargate: Atlantis.
October 30, 2025 at 2:38 AM
michaelswaim.bsky.social
remember kids, ACAB includes a cab
A promotional vehicle designed to promote safe drinking habits that's half taxi and half cop car, daring you to "CHOOSE YOUR RIDE"
October 30, 2025 at 2:12 AM