Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
@miasmahospital.bsky.social
Health scare for all. Admission Prevention service with Terminal Discharge.
Think you might be dying, we can help.
Affiliated with all good undertakers.
If you were in any doubt this is a Parody health care provider!
Think you might be dying, we can help.
Affiliated with all good undertakers.
If you were in any doubt this is a Parody health care provider!
Pinned
a man in a red sombrero stands in front of a band
ALT: a man in a red sombrero stands in front of a band
media.tenor.com
Doctors....Are you fed up with giving bad news??
The Trust has employed a Mariachi band to sing cover versions to patients to enlighten diagnosis.
Feed will show their use over the coming weeks.
The Trust has employed a Mariachi band to sing cover versions to patients to enlighten diagnosis.
Feed will show their use over the coming weeks.
We are still waiting for a social care package so we can discharge Sylvia.
September 22, 2025 at 1:50 PM
We are still waiting for a social care package so we can discharge Sylvia.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Attention mortuary staff.
Please could you return to the mortuary, one of your "clients" is complaining he is cold and requesting a second opinion.
Please could you return to the mortuary, one of your "clients" is complaining he is cold and requesting a second opinion.
April 19, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Attention mortuary staff.
Please could you return to the mortuary, one of your "clients" is complaining he is cold and requesting a second opinion.
Please could you return to the mortuary, one of your "clients" is complaining he is cold and requesting a second opinion.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Next up on Hospital radio for those gastroenteritis patients...
Here I go again.. By White Snake
Here I go again.. By White Snake
🏥 📻 Hospital radio here...
Good morning rockers and strollers.
Our first deadication good out to those isolated patients on Norwalk Ward.
Hope the diarrhoea settles soon.
Here's "I'm gonna run to you" by Brian Adams.
Good morning rockers and strollers.
Our first deadication good out to those isolated patients on Norwalk Ward.
Hope the diarrhoea settles soon.
Here's "I'm gonna run to you" by Brian Adams.
April 18, 2025 at 7:00 AM
Next up on Hospital radio for those gastroenteritis patients...
Here I go again.. By White Snake
Here I go again.. By White Snake
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
The canteen can confirm they served :
"salmon alla Toscana" and NOT "salmonella Toscana".
The diarrhoea and vomiting is due to the assistance serving the food having norovirus.
"salmon alla Toscana" and NOT "salmonella Toscana".
The diarrhoea and vomiting is due to the assistance serving the food having norovirus.
April 16, 2025 at 4:44 PM
The canteen can confirm they served :
"salmon alla Toscana" and NOT "salmonella Toscana".
The diarrhoea and vomiting is due to the assistance serving the food having norovirus.
"salmon alla Toscana" and NOT "salmonella Toscana".
The diarrhoea and vomiting is due to the assistance serving the food having norovirus.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Please could patients be reminded not to bring animals to the hospital.
The sexual health clinic can't treat your itchy cock, you need a vet.
The sexual health clinic can't treat your itchy cock, you need a vet.
April 15, 2025 at 12:22 PM
Please could patients be reminded not to bring animals to the hospital.
The sexual health clinic can't treat your itchy cock, you need a vet.
The sexual health clinic can't treat your itchy cock, you need a vet.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Reminder to dermatology staff.
If it had legs, it's not eczema it's scabies.
If it had legs, it's not eczema it's scabies.
April 14, 2025 at 7:20 AM
Reminder to dermatology staff.
If it had legs, it's not eczema it's scabies.
If it had legs, it's not eczema it's scabies.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
The canteen would like to confirm they are not cooking bacon.
The bacon smell around the hospital is coming for the surgical incinerator.
Following recent allegations we are unable to cater for canabalism.
The bacon smell around the hospital is coming for the surgical incinerator.
Following recent allegations we are unable to cater for canabalism.
April 14, 2025 at 7:18 AM
The canteen would like to confirm they are not cooking bacon.
The bacon smell around the hospital is coming for the surgical incinerator.
Following recent allegations we are unable to cater for canabalism.
The bacon smell around the hospital is coming for the surgical incinerator.
Following recent allegations we are unable to cater for canabalism.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
We apologise for the damage to visitors cars. However the speed bumps need to be that big to stop student nurses taking each other home from the social club in shopping trolleys.
April 13, 2025 at 9:21 PM
We apologise for the damage to visitors cars. However the speed bumps need to be that big to stop student nurses taking each other home from the social club in shopping trolleys.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Microbiology team would like to remind all staff, that sending samples from the canteens salad bar is NOT an appropriate use of NHS resources.
They already know about the campylobacter in the cucumbers, and staff have already been disciplined.
They already know about the campylobacter in the cucumbers, and staff have already been disciplined.
April 9, 2025 at 7:39 AM
Microbiology team would like to remind all staff, that sending samples from the canteens salad bar is NOT an appropriate use of NHS resources.
They already know about the campylobacter in the cucumbers, and staff have already been disciplined.
They already know about the campylobacter in the cucumbers, and staff have already been disciplined.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Hospital staff are reminded that licking patients with gastroenteritis is NOT a suitable weight loss measure.
April 9, 2025 at 7:36 AM
Hospital staff are reminded that licking patients with gastroenteritis is NOT a suitable weight loss measure.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
The Play Therapist would like to confirm that they do not have any rodents as therapy pets. Please stop fussing the rats. They are wild vermin.
April 4, 2025 at 5:33 PM
The Play Therapist would like to confirm that they do not have any rodents as therapy pets. Please stop fussing the rats. They are wild vermin.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
The staff in the blood sciences laboratory have requested colleagues did not refer to them as Haemo-Goblins.
April 4, 2025 at 12:14 PM
The staff in the blood sciences laboratory have requested colleagues did not refer to them as Haemo-Goblins.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
We will catch the so called "Anagram bandit".
The paramedics were very upset their vehicles now read "LANCE A BUM"
The paramedics were very upset their vehicles now read "LANCE A BUM"
April 3, 2025 at 8:25 AM
We will catch the so called "Anagram bandit".
The paramedics were very upset their vehicles now read "LANCE A BUM"
The paramedics were very upset their vehicles now read "LANCE A BUM"
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
OH PhUK IT!
We are pleased to announce that the Occupational Health team are the first department to fully integrate the new system.
We are pleased to announce that the Occupational Health team are the first department to fully integrate the new system.
The Trust is pleased to announce it's new online pharmacy system.
Pharmacy UK IT allows prescribers to tick a drug and AI will confirm safe prescribing.
Use PhUK IT now.
Pharmacy UK IT allows prescribers to tick a drug and AI will confirm safe prescribing.
Use PhUK IT now.
April 1, 2025 at 1:34 PM
OH PhUK IT!
We are pleased to announce that the Occupational Health team are the first department to fully integrate the new system.
We are pleased to announce that the Occupational Health team are the first department to fully integrate the new system.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
The Trust is pleased to announce it's new online pharmacy system.
Pharmacy UK IT allows prescribers to tick a drug and AI will confirm safe prescribing.
Use PhUK IT now.
Pharmacy UK IT allows prescribers to tick a drug and AI will confirm safe prescribing.
Use PhUK IT now.
April 1, 2025 at 1:15 PM
The Trust is pleased to announce it's new online pharmacy system.
Pharmacy UK IT allows prescribers to tick a drug and AI will confirm safe prescribing.
Use PhUK IT now.
Pharmacy UK IT allows prescribers to tick a drug and AI will confirm safe prescribing.
Use PhUK IT now.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Whilst the trust respects different religious practices at times of bereavement, we would like to ask relatives to sing respectfully and at a suitable volume.
Singing "Hey, Ho, The witch is dead" at the top of your voice is not appropriate.
Singing "Hey, Ho, The witch is dead" at the top of your voice is not appropriate.
March 31, 2025 at 11:42 AM
Whilst the trust respects different religious practices at times of bereavement, we would like to ask relatives to sing respectfully and at a suitable volume.
Singing "Hey, Ho, The witch is dead" at the top of your voice is not appropriate.
Singing "Hey, Ho, The witch is dead" at the top of your voice is not appropriate.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
MIASMA HOSPITAL RADIO STATION invites YOU to request songs your like to hear before you die.
We call this feature:
"Any last requests"
Message us now... You never know what the day brings here at Miasma Hospital.
We call this feature:
"Any last requests"
Message us now... You never know what the day brings here at Miasma Hospital.
March 29, 2025 at 10:19 AM
MIASMA HOSPITAL RADIO STATION invites YOU to request songs your like to hear before you die.
We call this feature:
"Any last requests"
Message us now... You never know what the day brings here at Miasma Hospital.
We call this feature:
"Any last requests"
Message us now... You never know what the day brings here at Miasma Hospital.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
Patients and staff please be informed tonight is:
CURRY NIGHT.
Enjoy the Chefs attempt to prepare ethnic variation from his usual Great Beige, Bland and British menu.
Served with a Gaviscon chaser.
CURRY NIGHT.
Enjoy the Chefs attempt to prepare ethnic variation from his usual Great Beige, Bland and British menu.
Served with a Gaviscon chaser.
March 28, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Patients and staff please be informed tonight is:
CURRY NIGHT.
Enjoy the Chefs attempt to prepare ethnic variation from his usual Great Beige, Bland and British menu.
Served with a Gaviscon chaser.
CURRY NIGHT.
Enjoy the Chefs attempt to prepare ethnic variation from his usual Great Beige, Bland and British menu.
Served with a Gaviscon chaser.
Reposted by Miasma Hospital NHS Trust
The Hospital gift shop continues to make its own greetings cards and welcomes your suggestions.
Thank you to the orthopaedic team for suggesting:
"We are Sorry for your loss...But it really did need removing"
Keep them coming.
Thank you to the orthopaedic team for suggesting:
"We are Sorry for your loss...But it really did need removing"
Keep them coming.
March 28, 2025 at 8:25 AM
The Hospital gift shop continues to make its own greetings cards and welcomes your suggestions.
Thank you to the orthopaedic team for suggesting:
"We are Sorry for your loss...But it really did need removing"
Keep them coming.
Thank you to the orthopaedic team for suggesting:
"We are Sorry for your loss...But it really did need removing"
Keep them coming.
Not keen on contraceptive implants as you don't want something unnatural in you...
... But you're happy to stick a dick in yer bits.
... But you're happy to stick a dick in yer bits.
September 11, 2025 at 9:03 AM
Not keen on contraceptive implants as you don't want something unnatural in you...
... But you're happy to stick a dick in yer bits.
... But you're happy to stick a dick in yer bits.
Don't want to use hormone contraception as you worry about the effects of extra hormones on your body?
Just wait until those pregnancy hormones kick in!!
Just wait until those pregnancy hormones kick in!!
September 11, 2025 at 8:56 AM
Don't want to use hormone contraception as you worry about the effects of extra hormones on your body?
Just wait until those pregnancy hormones kick in!!
Just wait until those pregnancy hormones kick in!!
Yes .. Condom's do contain poorly biodegradable parts...
But they are easier on the environment than children.
But they are easier on the environment than children.
September 11, 2025 at 8:55 AM
Yes .. Condom's do contain poorly biodegradable parts...
But they are easier on the environment than children.
But they are easier on the environment than children.
Do you wake up feeling crabby?
If so visit our sexual health clinic for help.
If so visit our sexual health clinic for help.
September 11, 2025 at 8:53 AM
Do you wake up feeling crabby?
If so visit our sexual health clinic for help.
If so visit our sexual health clinic for help.
Memo to Gender clinic staff.
It's not considered appropriate to say "Just a small prick" when giving hormone blocking injections to trans women.
It's not considered appropriate to say "Just a small prick" when giving hormone blocking injections to trans women.
September 2, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Memo to Gender clinic staff.
It's not considered appropriate to say "Just a small prick" when giving hormone blocking injections to trans women.
It's not considered appropriate to say "Just a small prick" when giving hormone blocking injections to trans women.
Please be aware that the zombies circulating the hospital are just the night shift returning for duty.
Please stop running away from them.
Please stop running away from them.
September 1, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Please be aware that the zombies circulating the hospital are just the night shift returning for duty.
Please stop running away from them.
Please stop running away from them.