*outnumbered

What will we regret more: keeping my son home as long as we can physically and mentally withstand regardless of the damage is does, or sending him away to the state?

It really seems like there's no in between. Both result in massive amounts of emotional turmoil.

We are in a serious crisis.

We are in despair. We are in pain. We live in fear.

I apologize for so many of my posts focusing on the negative. This isn't helpful content. But it's all I have right now. Yelling into the void.

Thanks for being my void.

The older I get the more honest I am. Used to be "fine" to "good." Now it's anywhere from "exhausting" to "it's complicated, you sure you want to know?" 😂

He's too big. Too smart. Too strong for us to endure. But according to the healthcare system he needs to be bigger, smarter & stronger before they can help. Our lives need to be in immediate danger.

We are the frogs boiling in the pot, screaming that the water is getting too hot. But we will boil.

To be abundantly clear, I love the hell out of my boy. He is deeply unhappy in his own body and mind and I want to help him be happy, because if he is happy we can all be. But we cannot do it alone any more.

What we need is constant, every day support. We don't need respite a few times a month. We don't need another psychiatrist.

We cannot handle our boy's violent responses to the smallest demands. They are constant and it is destroying our house and destroying our souls.

It broke my heart to admit we were so far beyond our own capability to care for him. To get to that point tore me apart.

And then to realize there is no help and to be sent home back into the same harmful situation feels criminal.

They said to wait until he threatens to kill himself or us. Great.

It does seem like we should rely on the will of the people to decide if a crime is disqualifying or not. I just don't know how a criminal record will change minds if people lose all faith in the justice system.

There's a bell curve of sense experiences...it seems acceptable to talk about where people fall on that bell curve and to have terms for that.

It feels incredibly selfish to think about the sacrifices we make as parents to children with high needs.

There was a moment where Chase said "When you become a parent you choose to parent the child you get." To which Cameron replied "Nobody would choose this life."

YES! To both of them.