Marissa Franks Burt
@mburtwrites.bsky.social
Author of Storybound & Stardust series +
The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Gen of Eva Families (Fall, 2025) Also @lectionaryhome.bsky.social
The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Gen of Eva Families (Fall, 2025) Also @lectionaryhome.bsky.social
We discuss this painful reality and more in The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families—available everywhere now!
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
We discuss this painful reality and more in The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families—available everywhere now!
The thing is, we know where that path leads, and the bitter fruit that kind of parenting produces.We can find a new path forward, but it begins with a willingness to listen to injured people, including the countless families who still find themselves navigating the fallout. 24/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
The thing is, we know where that path leads, and the bitter fruit that kind of parenting produces.We can find a new path forward, but it begins with a willingness to listen to injured people, including the countless families who still find themselves navigating the fallout. 24/
It’s esp sobering given the way a new crop of Christian leaders is recycling these same ideas about authority, obedience, & control, evaluating social concerns and dialing in on the family as the means for political or cultural influence. 23/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
It’s esp sobering given the way a new crop of Christian leaders is recycling these same ideas about authority, obedience, & control, evaluating social concerns and dialing in on the family as the means for political or cultural influence. 23/
These parents were given tools to exact compliance, not to see the child in front of them, not to listen, & not to find mutual respect. The systems that formed these frameworks mirror the dynamics; in both there is little space for people to have a complex experience. 22/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
These parents were given tools to exact compliance, not to see the child in front of them, not to listen, & not to find mutual respect. The systems that formed these frameworks mirror the dynamics; in both there is little space for people to have a complex experience. 22/
These frameworks focused on training up children, but they also trained parents up to see children as extensions of themselves. Expectations for lifelong compliance cast an adult child’s differentiation as esp unwelcome, a dangerous back-sliding or an attack on the parent. 21/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
These frameworks focused on training up children, but they also trained parents up to see children as extensions of themselves. Expectations for lifelong compliance cast an adult child’s differentiation as esp unwelcome, a dangerous back-sliding or an attack on the parent. 21/
...Aging parents who are paralyzed by their need to assert that they did it “right." Some remain stuck, b/c the tenets of Christian parenting set an implacable obey-or-be-punished metric for everyone that leaves no room for imperfection or the humility that can admit error. 20/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
...Aging parents who are paralyzed by their need to assert that they did it “right." Some remain stuck, b/c the tenets of Christian parenting set an implacable obey-or-be-punished metric for everyone that leaves no room for imperfection or the humility that can admit error. 20/
Many ppl share their stories w/me, tender accounts of estrangement & pain, filled w/grief, anger, and betrayal: middle-aged adults who still long to hear an “I’m sorry” from parents, a recognition of what they experienced, or to be granted the dignity of separate personhood. 19/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Many ppl share their stories w/me, tender accounts of estrangement & pain, filled w/grief, anger, and betrayal: middle-aged adults who still long to hear an “I’m sorry” from parents, a recognition of what they experienced, or to be granted the dignity of separate personhood. 19/
Corporal punishment may no longer be an option, but these ppl may experience other forms of punitive coercion. “Honor thy father and thy mother” echoes as adult children attempt to set boundaries & parents who feel “cut off” may find themselves confused or retaliatory. 18/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Corporal punishment may no longer be an option, but these ppl may experience other forms of punitive coercion. “Honor thy father and thy mother” echoes as adult children attempt to set boundaries & parents who feel “cut off” may find themselves confused or retaliatory. 18/
Adult children navigating these complicated dynamics face a painful fallout as they attempt to differentiate from \ families of origin and exercise autonomy...making a choice a parent doesn’t approve of, not following the path the parent desires, is perceived as “disobedient” 17/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Adult children navigating these complicated dynamics face a painful fallout as they attempt to differentiate from \ families of origin and exercise autonomy...making a choice a parent doesn’t approve of, not following the path the parent desires, is perceived as “disobedient” 17/
This kind of parenting leaves little room for the quirks, charms, & challenges of individual children & the unique temperaments of parents—a message of conformity at odds w/historic Christian teaching that celebrates the diversity of human capacity to bear the image of God. 16/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
This kind of parenting leaves little room for the quirks, charms, & challenges of individual children & the unique temperaments of parents—a message of conformity at odds w/historic Christian teaching that celebrates the diversity of human capacity to bear the image of God. 16/
Well, they probably learned very early on that exercising their God-given autonomy came w/pain & disconnection
The lip-service evangelicals give to children being blessings does not outweigh expectations for “first-time obedience” & prioritization of obedience & performance. 15/
The lip-service evangelicals give to children being blessings does not outweigh expectations for “first-time obedience” & prioritization of obedience & performance. 15/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Well, they probably learned very early on that exercising their God-given autonomy came w/pain & disconnection
The lip-service evangelicals give to children being blessings does not outweigh expectations for “first-time obedience” & prioritization of obedience & performance. 15/
The lip-service evangelicals give to children being blessings does not outweigh expectations for “first-time obedience” & prioritization of obedience & performance. 15/
Compliant children may later discover their body keeps the score, as the cost of family cohesiveness is subsidized with things like chronic illness, depression, or addictive patterns. And for non-compliant children? 14/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Compliant children may later discover their body keeps the score, as the cost of family cohesiveness is subsidized with things like chronic illness, depression, or addictive patterns. And for non-compliant children? 14/
The pressure on children in Christian families can be immense: instant, cheerful compliance that requires masking feelings, shape-shifting personalities, & normalizing inauthentic connection. Underneath all of this pulses a quiet drumbeat that pleasing parents = pleasing God. 13/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
The pressure on children in Christian families can be immense: instant, cheerful compliance that requires masking feelings, shape-shifting personalities, & normalizing inauthentic connection. Underneath all of this pulses a quiet drumbeat that pleasing parents = pleasing God. 13/
Children, for their part, may find themselves coping with grief and anger, particularly if their parents are unable to listen to their concerns or hear that family practices—whatever parental intentions—caused harm. 12/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Children, for their part, may find themselves coping with grief and anger, particularly if their parents are unable to listen to their concerns or hear that family practices—whatever parental intentions—caused harm. 12/
It is all the more lonely, then, when—years down the road—parents find empty seats at the big holiday table or go to check the mailbox and see return-to-sender envelopes or log on to see pictures of grandchildren, only to find they’ve been blocked. 11/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
It is all the more lonely, then, when—years down the road—parents find empty seats at the big holiday table or go to check the mailbox and see return-to-sender envelopes or log on to see pictures of grandchildren, only to find they’ve been blocked. 11/
They failed to control their child’s trajectory, failed to transform society, & even failed God himself. Or perhaps God has failed them. After all, if parents “train up children in the way they should go,” weren’t they guaranteed that their children “will not depart from it”? 10/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
They failed to control their child’s trajectory, failed to transform society, & even failed God himself. Or perhaps God has failed them. After all, if parents “train up children in the way they should go,” weren’t they guaranteed that their children “will not depart from it”? 10/
Sometimes it came as a disorienting surprise: who even is this person? They are nothing like the son or daughter I raised! & the fracturing of familial relationships can come w/a sense of cosmic failure—parents may feel they have failed at one of life’s “highest callings. 9/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Sometimes it came as a disorienting surprise: who even is this person? They are nothing like the son or daughter I raised! & the fracturing of familial relationships can come w/a sense of cosmic failure—parents may feel they have failed at one of life’s “highest callings. 9/
As children grew and entered the God-given developmental stages of individuation and differentiation—separating from their family of origin—parents who had only ever known insta-obedience were uniquely ill-equipped to navigate their child’s differing opinions. 8/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
As children grew and entered the God-given developmental stages of individuation and differentiation—separating from their family of origin—parents who had only ever known insta-obedience were uniquely ill-equipped to navigate their child’s differing opinions. 8/
These methodologies may “work” for a time, when children are young and parents are in charge. Parents may even congratulate themselves (and others) on well-behaved, externally compliant children. But, for so many families, this didn’t hold. 7/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
These methodologies may “work” for a time, when children are young and parents are in charge. Parents may even congratulate themselves (and others) on well-behaved, externally compliant children. But, for so many families, this didn’t hold. 7/
B/c Christian parents believed these promises were “biblical,” based on timeless word-of-God truth, they trusted that if they were just intentional enough, just Christian enough about their by-the-book approach, they could expect to control outcomes. 6/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
B/c Christian parents believed these promises were “biblical,” based on timeless word-of-God truth, they trusted that if they were just intentional enough, just Christian enough about their by-the-book approach, they could expect to control outcomes. 6/
The resulting messaging is a pressure-cooker for everyone that combines understandable parental worries with powerful parental longings and offers easy-to-apply solutions—the perfect recipe for myth-building. 5/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
The resulting messaging is a pressure-cooker for everyone that combines understandable parental worries with powerful parental longings and offers easy-to-apply solutions—the perfect recipe for myth-building. 5/
Christian parenting empires appeal to deep-seated parental longings: how to keep your children safe and to guarantee a good and godly life for them. They also play into deep fears: Will my child be all right? What about with God? Will they be all right with God? 4/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Christian parenting empires appeal to deep-seated parental longings: how to keep your children safe and to guarantee a good and godly life for them. They also play into deep fears: Will my child be all right? What about with God? Will they be all right with God? 4/
These families have often been told their political beliefs or parenting choices have eternal stakes, that they either align with “God’s way” or not, and in these black-and-white systems prescribed down to the detail, there is little room for mistakes. 3/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
These families have often been told their political beliefs or parenting choices have eternal stakes, that they either align with “God’s way” or not, and in these black-and-white systems prescribed down to the detail, there is little room for mistakes. 3/
I suspect that we might find higher percentages among the 60% of Americans who identify as Christians, who've been formed by a whole ecosystem of resources that offer precise parenting methodology presented as God’s Way. 2/
November 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM
I suspect that we might find higher percentages among the 60% of Americans who identify as Christians, who've been formed by a whole ecosystem of resources that offer precise parenting methodology presented as God’s Way. 2/