Mathew Watts
@matwatts.bsky.social
Someone else probably said it better.
Remember the earlier days of social media when we were really dismissive of people who shot phone videos in portrait instead of landscape? That was a fight we lost without a whimper.
August 14, 2025 at 6:11 PM
Remember the earlier days of social media when we were really dismissive of people who shot phone videos in portrait instead of landscape? That was a fight we lost without a whimper.
You used to need to be rich and powerful to surround yourself with sycophants who insulated you from reality. But now with AI, any schlub can be endlessly validated for a nominal monthly fee. Hyped for these new pocket-sized megalomaniacs.
August 14, 2025 at 1:20 AM
You used to need to be rich and powerful to surround yourself with sycophants who insulated you from reality. But now with AI, any schlub can be endlessly validated for a nominal monthly fee. Hyped for these new pocket-sized megalomaniacs.
1 like on Bluesky is equivalent to 1000 likes on Threads. I don’t make the rules.
August 13, 2025 at 2:28 AM
1 like on Bluesky is equivalent to 1000 likes on Threads. I don’t make the rules.
I want to live in the timeline that They Might Be Giants thought we were heading for in the 80s and 90s.
August 12, 2025 at 5:50 PM
I want to live in the timeline that They Might Be Giants thought we were heading for in the 80s and 90s.
No adult fandom would benefit more from making their hobby welcoming to children than model train enthusiasts. No fandom hates children more than model train enthusiasts.
August 11, 2025 at 4:09 PM
No adult fandom would benefit more from making their hobby welcoming to children than model train enthusiasts. No fandom hates children more than model train enthusiasts.
The kid was eating lunch, staring out the window at the rain and said, “The world is washing its hands.” As a writer my first thought was, I’m going to steal that.
August 10, 2025 at 6:04 PM
The kid was eating lunch, staring out the window at the rain and said, “The world is washing its hands.” As a writer my first thought was, I’m going to steal that.
“Oh man! I can’t wait to get home and try these new crackers,” I thought whitely.
August 3, 2025 at 11:55 PM
“Oh man! I can’t wait to get home and try these new crackers,” I thought whitely.
I worried that I’d lost something vital and irreplaceable this summer. That the world had turned on me. And then I noticed a small pile of turds and looked up. Batrick Swayze has returned—later than ever, but the bat is back.
August 2, 2025 at 12:05 AM
I worried that I’d lost something vital and irreplaceable this summer. That the world had turned on me. And then I noticed a small pile of turds and looked up. Batrick Swayze has returned—later than ever, but the bat is back.
I was in the basement hanging out with the kid when suddenly it sounded like someone broke in upstairs. Turns out it was our 3, extremely well-fed cats all trying to catch the same fly.
July 30, 2025 at 1:48 AM
I was in the basement hanging out with the kid when suddenly it sounded like someone broke in upstairs. Turns out it was our 3, extremely well-fed cats all trying to catch the same fly.
Revisited my favorite Midwestern liminal space today
July 27, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Revisited my favorite Midwestern liminal space today
I’m not a control freak. I know my kid is going to pick up on outside influences I won’t like. That’s part of life and growing up. But why the fuck did his summer camp have show him the 2007 Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. So help me god nobody tell him about the squeakquel.
July 24, 2025 at 11:54 PM
I’m not a control freak. I know my kid is going to pick up on outside influences I won’t like. That’s part of life and growing up. But why the fuck did his summer camp have show him the 2007 Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. So help me god nobody tell him about the squeakquel.
Chinese takeout mustard is a ghost of its former self.
July 24, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Chinese takeout mustard is a ghost of its former self.
I was talking to my dad about the Holloway/Poirier fight and my wife said, “Are you guys debating hallway versus foyer?”
July 20, 2025 at 2:55 PM
I was talking to my dad about the Holloway/Poirier fight and my wife said, “Are you guys debating hallway versus foyer?”
Paging Mr. Beef. Emergency! Emergency! Paging Mr. Beef.
July 18, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Paging Mr. Beef. Emergency! Emergency! Paging Mr. Beef.
Up until about 25 years ago, I can’t overstate how many human interactions involved giving or receiving directions.
July 18, 2025 at 1:34 AM
Up until about 25 years ago, I can’t overstate how many human interactions involved giving or receiving directions.
I wish I had the audacity to email anyone as much as my kid’s school emails me.
July 17, 2025 at 7:03 PM
I wish I had the audacity to email anyone as much as my kid’s school emails me.
Home Depot visits always come in twos.
July 13, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Home Depot visits always come in twos.
Truly inspired back-to-back articles from The Guardian featured on my Facebook newsfeed. Seems like Hall got off easier though.
July 13, 2025 at 5:01 AM
Truly inspired back-to-back articles from The Guardian featured on my Facebook newsfeed. Seems like Hall got off easier though.
No no no, I want to go to the PUNK dentist
July 12, 2025 at 10:13 PM
No no no, I want to go to the PUNK dentist
My wife has this theory that there are two types of cats: circle cats, and shrimp cats. I think she’s onto something.
July 11, 2025 at 11:48 PM
My wife has this theory that there are two types of cats: circle cats, and shrimp cats. I think she’s onto something.
I’d like to report a murder. I was talking to my dad about home repairs:
Dad: “Do you have a stud-finder?”
Me: “I married one.”
Dad: “Let me know when she finds one.”
Mom in the background: “OHHHHHHHHH!!!”
Dad: “Do you have a stud-finder?”
Me: “I married one.”
Dad: “Let me know when she finds one.”
Mom in the background: “OHHHHHHHHH!!!”
July 9, 2025 at 10:27 PM
I’d like to report a murder. I was talking to my dad about home repairs:
Dad: “Do you have a stud-finder?”
Me: “I married one.”
Dad: “Let me know when she finds one.”
Mom in the background: “OHHHHHHHHH!!!”
Dad: “Do you have a stud-finder?”
Me: “I married one.”
Dad: “Let me know when she finds one.”
Mom in the background: “OHHHHHHHHH!!!”
Inside you there are two wolves
July 6, 2025 at 9:50 PM
Inside you there are two wolves
The hotel messed up our reservation, so to make up for it they gave us two adjacent studio apartments. Since we can’t leave our 7-year-old alone in one, we’re roleplaying as a separated couple sharing custody in the big city! HOT!!!
July 5, 2025 at 9:10 PM
The hotel messed up our reservation, so to make up for it they gave us two adjacent studio apartments. Since we can’t leave our 7-year-old alone in one, we’re roleplaying as a separated couple sharing custody in the big city! HOT!!!
Just landed in NYC with our kid (his first time) and it’s amazing that he’s going to grow up thinking LaGuardia’s a pretty nice airport, instead of a pit that looked like a poorly funded public school that also happened to be an airport.
July 5, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Just landed in NYC with our kid (his first time) and it’s amazing that he’s going to grow up thinking LaGuardia’s a pretty nice airport, instead of a pit that looked like a poorly funded public school that also happened to be an airport.
Diet Dr. Pepper just hits weird. I’m pretty sure you can cook it down into a meth ingredient.
July 4, 2025 at 11:43 PM
Diet Dr. Pepper just hits weird. I’m pretty sure you can cook it down into a meth ingredient.