It may have been extemporaneous, but it was so long ago I don't remember. If so, I grant you a perpetual license to use as you please.

I can't recall where this joke came from, and since I can't find the original source I now claim it as my own. That's how these things work, right?

Gender notwithstanding, when Thomas Jefferson wrote these words I'm pretty sure he wasn't just referring to American citizens. If you happen to disagree I offer the same evidence that he did.

I've said this before, but I suppose it bears repeating
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

That last one is important because it's the only one that allows you to deprive a person of the big 3…

This is perfect.

Also, I think Yukon has a pica problem.

I think you're right. Also, Yukon Cornelius has beady little eyes like the elves and conceals HIS ears. Meanwhile Hermey has comparatively normal eyes.

You might enjoy Loudermilk.