Matthew Dessem
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matthewdessem.bsky.social
Matthew Dessem
@matthewdessem.bsky.social
1.3K followers 620 following 230 posts
I’m the enchanting wizard of rhythm. I came here to tell you about the rhythms of the universe.
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matthewdessem.bsky.social
Although it spent subsequent decades as the rottenest of rotten boroughs, there was a brief moment when the people in Vernon actually wanted people to move to Vernon.
A poem promoting Vernon, California. It reads: Go wing thy flight from star to star From world to luminous world, as far As the universe spreads its flaming wall. Take all the pleasures of all the spheres And multiply each through endless years One winter at Vernon is worth them all.
November 10, 2025 at 9:16 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
TFW you are a librarian who must reluctantly concede that “Jazz” music was more than just a fad.
A book excerpt. It reads: Similarly, the classical symphonies of Mozart and Bach, like Shakespeare, were popular in their day and have become classical musical pieces for future generations. Jazz music, a product of the early 20th century, apparently is an enduring art form that is appreciated and studied in music schools throughout the world.
November 9, 2025 at 8:31 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
You know what has much better looking night shots than that kind of digital mud? The Blob, a movie where the focus puller keeps screwing up. It still looks miles better than most modern cinematography.
Steve McQueen, well-lit, in a shot from The Blob.
November 8, 2025 at 12:27 AM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
“Land of Sunshine,” a magazine dedicated to California boosterism, once ran a contest for selling subscriptions in which the grand prize was a 10 acre fig orchard. Bring back fig orchard contests, bring back journalism, simple as.
A page of the Los Angeles Times outlining the Land of Sunshine Fig Orchard contest, promising "Ten Acres of Choice Land Set to Figs."
November 7, 2025 at 10:11 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Diane Ladd did all kinds of amazing work over the course of her career, but if you haven’t seen her in “Enlightened,” I think you should.
Diane Ladd and Laura Dern sit on a couch looking perturbed, in a still from Enlightened.
November 3, 2025 at 9:48 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
I am reading “Introduction to the Library and Information Professions” for class and apparently there’s a whole alternate career track called “Information Entrepreneurs,” which pretty clearly includes blackmailers.
Part of a page from a book. It reads: Information Entrepreneurs With the expansion of the information field and with the transformation of the economy to include more information and knowledge-based jobs, people with training in information work can apply this knowledge in unique ways. The Association of Independent Information Professionals defines on its Web site the work of information entrepreneurs: "Independent information professionals use high-level skills in finding, managing, apply-ing, and communicating information, and they pursue their calling with an entrepreneurial spirit" (AIIP). Information entrepreneurs are independent businesswomen and -men who bring value-added service to their clients. As explained by Fowler (2005, 4): Value-added services combine the information professional's expert ability to diagnose the information request, select the best resources to meet the request, analyze the result and, assuming the results are appropriate to the request, package it to meet the client's specific needs. Indeed, it is the "value-added" service, the customizing of information to address unique needs, that the client is willing to pay for. Since information entrepreneurs usually are in business for themselves, they must combine their information expertise with good business practices in order to satisfy customers' needs, determine a fee for their services, pay the overhead costs associated with an office, and turn a profit. Enticing though entrepreneurship may sound, going into business is not for the fainthearted or for…
November 3, 2025 at 7:20 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Leon’s Cigar Store was the least successful ice cream parlor in town, until the day Leon decided to try something new.
An ad, reading: SOMETHING NEW! CIGARS! CIGARS!! CIGARS!!! AT LEON'S CIGAR STORE!! Main Street, U.S. Hotel Block
October 31, 2025 at 8:40 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
You could be building a pirate AM radio station from the plans found in Western Electric’s 1923 catalog of radio telephone broadcasting equipment RIGHT NOW. But you’re not. And so I think it’s time to ask yourself some tough questions.
Western Electric plans for an AM radio studio.
October 29, 2025 at 11:11 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Italian nobleman Rinaldo dei Bonacolsi, a 14th century ruler of Mantua, had a taxidermized hippopotamus (pictured) in his private collection. When he was overthrown and killed by the Gonzagas, they kept the hippo, but displayed it with Rinaldo’s taxidermized body sitting astride it (not pictured).
A stuffed hippo, on display in a museum.
October 18, 2025 at 9:21 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
If your headline is “BONES, BONES, EVERYWHERE,” and your kicker is “I don’t see what toes have to do with dentistry,“ you should get an automatic Pulitzer no matter what the rest of the article is about.
A newspaper clipping. It reads: BONDS, BONES EVERYWHERE. "Murder," Cries Discoverer, But Detective Knows It's only Trace left by Dental College. The Sabbath quiet of Central Police Station was rudely shattered for a time yesterday afternoon. The telephone in the detective bureau rang with harsh, insistent jingle. "There's been a murder down here!" "Yes, yes. don't get excited," calmed Operator Lowe. "Now, where has there been a murder?" "In the basement." "What basement; what's your street number?" Lowe persisted. "No. 305 East Fifth street," came the voice. "The bones are all there." Operator Lowe stopped the informer there and gave the message to Detective Chapman, in charge, and Detective Wedge was detailed. A high- powered police automobile hurtled through the streets. In the dark, dank basement the detective made a grisly discovery. Human bones were strewn about; it might have been a charnel house at one time. The informer was on hand, folowing the detective nervously. "It's a murder sure," he insisted. "We'll see," was all the detective volunteered. He made inquiries in the neighborhood. The Dental College of the University of Southern California had occupied the premises for several years. The bones had come from the anatomical laboratory. Strangely enough the bones were only those of the lower legs and feet. "I don't see what toes have to do with dentistry," said the informer.
October 17, 2025 at 11:14 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Technically, he’s right, they didn’t turture her. As far as I know they’ve never turtured anyone!
Text from the OED, reading: OED •turtur NOUN First published 1916; not fully revised Obsolete. = turtle n. Old English-1649 OE Speara gemoeted him hus & turtur nest hwer gesettao briddas his. Vespasian Psalter Ixxxiii. 4 [Ixxxiv. 3] ... OE Patte sealdon..tuoe turturas vel tuoge birdas culfras. Lindisfarne Gospels Luke ii. 24 ...
October 16, 2025 at 5:37 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
“Cruel” is a slippery word here because it brings in a lot of concepts that aren’t really in play when you insult a computer program! But yeah, we just disagree on this.
1.a. Of persons (also transferred and figurative of things): Disposed to inflict suffering; indifferent to or taking pleasure in another's pain or distress; destitute of kindness or compassion; merciless, pitiless, hard-hearted. 1297-
October 5, 2025 at 6:36 AM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Using “cruelty” is slippery. Can inanimate or lifeless objects suffer, or feel pain or misery? It might not be good to destroy objects, but it also isn’t cruel, at least not to the objects.
October 5, 2025 at 5:52 AM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
We don’t come up for customized slurs for inanimate objects at all, because “slur” is reserved for people.
A screenshot from the OED, reading: Additional sense (2023) A term of abuse or contempt; esp. a highly offensive insult used to denigrate a person on the basis of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.
October 5, 2025 at 3:26 AM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
A few small beers!
Two cans of modelo especial in a lucite display case in the lobby of the Vista. In front of the beers is a placard reading: A FEW SMALL BEERS ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER
October 4, 2025 at 6:02 AM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?
A 1930s newspaper clipping headlined: “Mechanical Man” Servant of Mankind and Not Oppressor, Avers Inventor. Below, a photograph of a man in a suit and bow tie standing with a crude robot, essentially a radio mounted in the torso of a humanoid robot made out of what looks like flat pieces of sheet metal. The robot and inventor are posing in a classroom setting, with an American flag, a blackboard, and some sort of 18th century portrait of a man.
October 2, 2025 at 10:20 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Here’s a passage I always think about when I think about Kaleb Horton, the end of an article about Marco Rubio’s concession speech. A world class eye and ear. web.archive.org/web/20170704...
An excerpt from an MTV News article. It reads: Later that night back in West Miami, I walked by an all-night diner wearing a novelty cowboy hat. It's a conversation starter. A waiter on his cigarette break was staring me down. He asked me where I was from. I told him California. I asked where he was from. He told me he was a Miami native, that he had never left. He had scars on his face, about 40 but looked older, the sort of guy you glance at without judgment and think "he will not make it to 55. Something will get him before then. " I asked what he thought of Florida's fallen favorite sons. "Jeb had all the money in the world. Look where it got him. He tried to get Rubio and then they just kicked each other out of the thing. Motherfuckers ate each other." "What do you think of Trump, for real like," I said. He sighed. An excerpt from an article. It reads: He sighed. "For real? Trump, I mean, look, as an American," he said, lighting another cigarette, "I think he'd be good. He'd be good for America. These Cubans - we can't pay for that. We can't let people think that's the game in this country. They have to go. We can't do it. Look, I can barely do this. I pay $1,200 for rent, it's not a good place, it's a shit place. $1,200 for shit. I can't help pay for the fucking Cubans. Rubio didn't know what to do about it. Trump has an idea! Fuck, let's try an idea! That's what I think. Trump would be good as an American." Then he went back inside without saying goodbye, and he didn't flick his cigarette, he threw it against the wall as hard as he could, like a baseball.
September 27, 2025 at 4:58 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Texas Instruments, what were you thinking?
The cover of the Texas Instruments Home Computer Program Library, featuring bespectacled spokesperson Bill Cosby.
September 27, 2025 at 2:25 AM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
POV: You are about to tell the internet you think Ordinary People is better than Raging Bull.
September 26, 2025 at 4:49 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Weirder still, he wrote for Army Man. (I assume that’s a different David Sacks, but who knows.)
The copyright notice for Army Man #2. It reads: Army Man is published by Army Man Publishing, 3835 Northbrook Drive, Boulder, CO 80302. Copyright 1988 by the following: Ned Augustenborg Ed & Nancy Bartholemy Andy Borowitz Jeremiah Bosgang John Bowman Andy Breckman Burl Burlingame Roz Chast Kevin Curran as Bret Falk Bill Franzen Ian Frazier Shannon Gaughan Jack Handey Ann Hodgman Billy Kimball Mitchell Kriegman Merrill Markoe Patty Marx Ian Maxtone-Graham Ann Meyer & George Meyer Joel Meyer Mark O'Donnell David Owen David Sacks Pam Shannon John Swartzwelder Jon Vitti Thanks, everyone!
September 17, 2025 at 8:17 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Here’s a closeup of one of the pawns, for scale. My grandfather worked only with metal, as far as I know, but used workplace equipment to make a matching part in white plastic. What equipment would have allowed him to do a one-off of something small and relatively complicated?
A YouTube still showing a BORIS diplomat with someone holding up a pawn. It is small and relatively intricate, with three indentations between the base and the head.
September 17, 2025 at 5:51 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Thinking about 3D printing a part reminds me: My dad had a BORIS Diplomat in the 1980s and lost one of the pawns. My mom’s dad, who was a machinist at an airplane parts manufacturer, somehow made him a new one, from plastic. It didn’t match perfectly but it was close. How did he do it?
A BORIS Diplomat chess computer, featuring a miniature pegboard chess board, an LED screen, and a small keypad. It’s shown with its original box, power adapter, and manual.
September 17, 2025 at 5:45 PM
matthewdessem.bsky.social
Does @mcsweeneys.net offer replacement rubber bands for issue 7?
A copy of McSweeney’s issue no. 7, a cardboard binder containing various booklets, held together with a rubber band. The rubber band is disintegrating in place.
September 16, 2025 at 7:24 PM