When The Onion starts just putting up actual news, we are all well and truly fucked.

That’s not what I heard on the audio.

I remember one year ago when I thought a CME was the most likely thing to bust us up and send us scurrying for our bunkers

Oh I see, you just make posts about stuff in Europe and the. Post the same things about the US. You should go to the mountains in Turkmenistan and don’t bother anybody.

MPs? Like Mucho Perdidor?

It means a group.

My shep’s been doing this to me for years and I’ll be damned if I can figure out what he wants from me

Religious people shouldn’t be identified as such just because they did something decent for once in their wretched lives.

People magazine isn’t just a grain of salt, it’s a whole salt bath. Sometimes bath salts

I think discrediting the CDC is just covering the bases so that the next time we have a deadly transmissible disease outbreak, he can skip the science and go straight to his favorite part of the movie, where Donald Sutherland nukes American towns

Don’t add “little.” We need to quote him exactly as he said it. In perpetuity.

I’ll trade you my February in the CA Central Valley for your February in the PNW. Average temps 38-56 with 95% sunny days. Will take care of your pets if you take care of ours

If I was in a DTLA Dodgers bar last night I’d have been tipping $3 a drink for the first 4 hours. After that, sky’s the limit.

Ecoflows can be had at great discounts right now. Jackery too. But if you’re in Seattle, the solar panels might not help much. I keep mine charged up and connect the tv and the fridges if the power goes out