Matthew Philip
@mashewfilwup.bsky.social
I'm pretty sure none of this is real...
I want to fist fight google so bad. The whole fucking company
October 27, 2025 at 12:46 AM
I want to fist fight google so bad. The whole fucking company
I cant be cardi b, my back shots sound like flip flops
October 13, 2025 at 2:50 AM
I cant be cardi b, my back shots sound like flip flops
I never thought we'd accidentally become sugar daddies, but I guess crazier things have happened.
October 12, 2025 at 3:28 PM
I never thought we'd accidentally become sugar daddies, but I guess crazier things have happened.
Im literally not trying to brag, but I haven't aged a single day in ten years. Wtf is going on? Am I in hell?
October 11, 2025 at 9:14 AM
Im literally not trying to brag, but I haven't aged a single day in ten years. Wtf is going on? Am I in hell?
I'm so very tired of fat, old men. Their very existence is good enough reason to get my ass in the gym. Look around, they're fucking everywhere...and they act as if they're the pinnacle of male achievement. Hahahahahahahaha ...I think I may just be perpetually annoyed by all the humans.
October 4, 2025 at 1:33 PM
I'm so very tired of fat, old men. Their very existence is good enough reason to get my ass in the gym. Look around, they're fucking everywhere...and they act as if they're the pinnacle of male achievement. Hahahahahahahaha ...I think I may just be perpetually annoyed by all the humans.
Lol they'll kill ya! ..unless you say they won't kill you, in which case you're definitely safe.
October 4, 2025 at 3:27 AM
Lol they'll kill ya! ..unless you say they won't kill you, in which case you're definitely safe.
Im not very funny, but a handsome guy once told me that looks dont mean everything.
October 1, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Im not very funny, but a handsome guy once told me that looks dont mean everything.
Apparently I need a shirt that reads, 'I didn't do fuck shit to you'. Or perhaps, 'trash belongs in waste receptacles'. texas is ghetto
September 21, 2025 at 11:24 PM
Apparently I need a shirt that reads, 'I didn't do fuck shit to you'. Or perhaps, 'trash belongs in waste receptacles'. texas is ghetto
I honestly did not think so many people would champion one of the biggest pieces of shit to ever exist. That was silly of me. Good job humans, you guys really like balance. What's eternally frustrating is there's no way to tell which of them im referring to.
September 18, 2025 at 2:00 PM
I honestly did not think so many people would champion one of the biggest pieces of shit to ever exist. That was silly of me. Good job humans, you guys really like balance. What's eternally frustrating is there's no way to tell which of them im referring to.
It'd be weird if this thing finally distracted them from that other thing, right?
September 11, 2025 at 5:28 AM
It'd be weird if this thing finally distracted them from that other thing, right?
Reposted by Matthew Philip
They want us fighting so we never notice who is stealing from us all. Don’t get lost in the circus.
August 24, 2025 at 10:24 AM
They want us fighting so we never notice who is stealing from us all. Don’t get lost in the circus.
Reposted by Matthew Philip
I miss my friends
June 10, 2025 at 1:13 AM
I miss my friends
Every day in America is 'work until you keel over. Fuck how you feel. Oh look it's another day'
June 9, 2025 at 8:07 AM
Every day in America is 'work until you keel over. Fuck how you feel. Oh look it's another day'
I've gotta stop drinking and bloosking
June 5, 2025 at 3:16 PM
I've gotta stop drinking and bloosking
*drives into sunset.
Sunset is cardboard
Sunset is cardboard
June 5, 2025 at 2:57 PM
*drives into sunset.
Sunset is cardboard
Sunset is cardboard
I am so tired of motherfuckers pretending like living in dallas is cheap. This is the same bullshit as every other fucking city. It's not fucking cheaper. It's still ruined by rich pieces of shit. Ooh if I could Thanos you all!
June 5, 2025 at 4:49 AM
I am so tired of motherfuckers pretending like living in dallas is cheap. This is the same bullshit as every other fucking city. It's not fucking cheaper. It's still ruined by rich pieces of shit. Ooh if I could Thanos you all!
They should make a show all about couples splitting up their stuff in a divorce. I'd watch that.
June 2, 2025 at 2:41 PM
They should make a show all about couples splitting up their stuff in a divorce. I'd watch that.
Every time jk opens her mouth to voice a dumb ass opinion, you should mark a tally; then when the new show comes out, you can count up all the reasons you shouldn't be watching.
May 28, 2025 at 11:57 PM
Every time jk opens her mouth to voice a dumb ass opinion, you should mark a tally; then when the new show comes out, you can count up all the reasons you shouldn't be watching.
If I wasn't me, I'd do this thing. But since I am me, instead I have to pretend like the rest of you aren't the worst fucking humans, constantly reincarnated. Even the good ones. Yeah, those green brothers, they're still capitalists; a childhood hero is a bigot, and a stranger is a danger. I...upset
May 22, 2025 at 5:11 AM
If I wasn't me, I'd do this thing. But since I am me, instead I have to pretend like the rest of you aren't the worst fucking humans, constantly reincarnated. Even the good ones. Yeah, those green brothers, they're still capitalists; a childhood hero is a bigot, and a stranger is a danger. I...upset
We literally don't have a leader. What the fuck is wrong with everyone? Fucking revolt! Wtf?
May 22, 2025 at 4:58 AM
We literally don't have a leader. What the fuck is wrong with everyone? Fucking revolt! Wtf?
Devs for big companies like Facebook and uber are just evil henchmen and nobody wants to talk about it. Just be who you are! and put on that minion suit so you can banana nanana your way to peaceful sleep.
May 20, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Devs for big companies like Facebook and uber are just evil henchmen and nobody wants to talk about it. Just be who you are! and put on that minion suit so you can banana nanana your way to peaceful sleep.
Why say you're going to tip if you know you're not? You're making yourself an even bigger dickhead for no reason. This country is full of fucking self-centered assholes who would watch you choke and die. Wait, did I say country? *planet.
May 19, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Why say you're going to tip if you know you're not? You're making yourself an even bigger dickhead for no reason. This country is full of fucking self-centered assholes who would watch you choke and die. Wait, did I say country? *planet.
Today I saw a really nice Porsche with a tax the rich license plate and boy do I wish I had magneto's powers so I could just crush it into a lil tiny cube. You're the problem ho. Does your performative plate clear your conscience? You could probably stop using loopholes and tax yourself more, but...
May 11, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Today I saw a really nice Porsche with a tax the rich license plate and boy do I wish I had magneto's powers so I could just crush it into a lil tiny cube. You're the problem ho. Does your performative plate clear your conscience? You could probably stop using loopholes and tax yourself more, but...
It's kinda weird that jk Rowling considers women to be second-class and wants it to stay that way. If you dive deeply enough into her argument, it's essentially a plea for perpetual subjugation. I mean, I could be wrong because I try not to pay attention to her, but...that's what it seems like.
May 4, 2025 at 4:25 PM
It's kinda weird that jk Rowling considers women to be second-class and wants it to stay that way. If you dive deeply enough into her argument, it's essentially a plea for perpetual subjugation. I mean, I could be wrong because I try not to pay attention to her, but...that's what it seems like.