Marjhak
@marjhak.bsky.social
She/They
~10 minutes older than you
🏳️⚧️
Walking stereotype
Certified Oreo muncher
~10 minutes older than you
🏳️⚧️
Walking stereotype
Certified Oreo muncher
And now I get to chill with a big group of people and just hang out for a while. It's nice to not be entirely alone after finishing something like that, as I have historically been. I know I can handle it on my own, but it's easier with others.
October 20, 2025 at 11:44 PM
And now I get to chill with a big group of people and just hang out for a while. It's nice to not be entirely alone after finishing something like that, as I have historically been. I know I can handle it on my own, but it's easier with others.
We talked about it afterwards and he learned some new stuff about my relationship with my family, as you do when you're having an extended trauma response and want to explain to your friend why you're giving off vibes that you are VERY unwell.
October 20, 2025 at 11:44 PM
We talked about it afterwards and he learned some new stuff about my relationship with my family, as you do when you're having an extended trauma response and want to explain to your friend why you're giving off vibes that you are VERY unwell.
He was so good about the entire thing, didn't judge me for crying or getting REALLY quiet and having to go find something sweet. He just sat with me and filled the silence while I worked everything out in my head.
October 20, 2025 at 11:44 PM
He was so good about the entire thing, didn't judge me for crying or getting REALLY quiet and having to go find something sweet. He just sat with me and filled the silence while I worked everything out in my head.
- someone else it has almost universally ended poorly, and the only time it didn't it was even more complicated.
Idk, I expect I will sit around, and the part of my brain that thinks I might be being flirted with on occasion will relax, and I will settle into a comfortable interstice.
Idk, I expect I will sit around, and the part of my brain that thinks I might be being flirted with on occasion will relax, and I will settle into a comfortable interstice.
October 2, 2025 at 11:14 PM
- someone else it has almost universally ended poorly, and the only time it didn't it was even more complicated.
Idk, I expect I will sit around, and the part of my brain that thinks I might be being flirted with on occasion will relax, and I will settle into a comfortable interstice.
Idk, I expect I will sit around, and the part of my brain that thinks I might be being flirted with on occasion will relax, and I will settle into a comfortable interstice.
I am happy that I have one, honestly. It means the part of me that feels romantic attraction is still alive, thank fuck, but it feels strange to want to do anything about it. I do, obviously. God, I've written poems about how much I do, but every time I've tried to bridge a gap between myself and-
October 2, 2025 at 11:14 PM
I am happy that I have one, honestly. It means the part of me that feels romantic attraction is still alive, thank fuck, but it feels strange to want to do anything about it. I do, obviously. God, I've written poems about how much I do, but every time I've tried to bridge a gap between myself and-
The more fun update is that, well, everything I posted about a month ago is still true. Everyone is still chill, and I've been getting to know some of them better. Slowly, but I have. That crush hasn't dissolved, either. It won't for an extremely long time, and... idk how I feel about it.
October 2, 2025 at 11:14 PM
The more fun update is that, well, everything I posted about a month ago is still true. Everyone is still chill, and I've been getting to know some of them better. Slowly, but I have. That crush hasn't dissolved, either. It won't for an extremely long time, and... idk how I feel about it.
I can sort out the details and talk about it later, because it's still unfolding and, honestly, it makes me feel fucking horrible when I think about it. Not because I believe I did anything wrong, but because I think he is and he doesn't seem to see that.
October 2, 2025 at 11:14 PM
I can sort out the details and talk about it later, because it's still unfolding and, honestly, it makes me feel fucking horrible when I think about it. Not because I believe I did anything wrong, but because I think he is and he doesn't seem to see that.
I've been hanging out with that group for about a month now, give or take, and it's been very nice. However, on the backbone, I have new drama that has been, shall we say, exhausting?
The short version is that I might be losing a very close friend to something completely ridiculous.
The short version is that I might be losing a very close friend to something completely ridiculous.
October 2, 2025 at 11:14 PM
I've been hanging out with that group for about a month now, give or take, and it's been very nice. However, on the backbone, I have new drama that has been, shall we say, exhausting?
The short version is that I might be losing a very close friend to something completely ridiculous.
The short version is that I might be losing a very close friend to something completely ridiculous.
That's it. I don't have a solution. I will just sit here and daydream for a while.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
That's it. I don't have a solution. I will just sit here and daydream for a while.
Both have been bad ideas historically, but there really isn't a middle ground here, and I already know I need to tell my friend, but WOW, is it embarrassing to be like, "Hey, you know that thing I said I didn't think was true? Turns out I was lying to myself and also to you, lol."
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Both have been bad ideas historically, but there really isn't a middle ground here, and I already know I need to tell my friend, but WOW, is it embarrassing to be like, "Hey, you know that thing I said I didn't think was true? Turns out I was lying to myself and also to you, lol."
So, yeah, now I'm just here. I have this silly little crush on someone I don't know terribly well, and got read HARD by the guy who initially introduced us. I'm not sure how to proceed, either. Keep it under wraps so I can be friends with the entire group? Tell them and risk it all? I don't know!
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
So, yeah, now I'm just here. I have this silly little crush on someone I don't know terribly well, and got read HARD by the guy who initially introduced us. I'm not sure how to proceed, either. Keep it under wraps so I can be friends with the entire group? Tell them and risk it all? I don't know!
I have this terrible habit of crushing on people I've just met and happen to share a handful of interests or experiences with. God forbid if they laugh at my jokes and/or are identifiably cute in any way, it is so over if that's the case.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
I have this terrible habit of crushing on people I've just met and happen to share a handful of interests or experiences with. God forbid if they laugh at my jokes and/or are identifiably cute in any way, it is so over if that's the case.
And have crazy absurd anxiety over how they feel about me, you know, the whole thing. Every feeling you've ever felt about someone amplified a thousand times because my brain and my heart are trying to reach out and WOW does that feel like a bad fucking idea.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
And have crazy absurd anxiety over how they feel about me, you know, the whole thing. Every feeling you've ever felt about someone amplified a thousand times because my brain and my heart are trying to reach out and WOW does that feel like a bad fucking idea.
Smash cut to today, we did the hangout and the last few hours were just them and I and God fucking dammit I totally have a crush on them.
It is now time, apparently, to panic and apologize to them for stuff that probably wasn't even an issue to begin with because I REALLY want them to like me.
It is now time, apparently, to panic and apologize to them for stuff that probably wasn't even an issue to begin with because I REALLY want them to like me.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Smash cut to today, we did the hangout and the last few hours were just them and I and God fucking dammit I totally have a crush on them.
It is now time, apparently, to panic and apologize to them for stuff that probably wasn't even an issue to begin with because I REALLY want them to like me.
It is now time, apparently, to panic and apologize to them for stuff that probably wasn't even an issue to begin with because I REALLY want them to like me.
And then this man, this rat fuck, this complete asshole, says, "Hey, do you have a crush on XXX? You seem to have taken to them very well."
Okay, look. My anxiety does make me interact with every new person I meet like a hugh-school crush, but I mean, I can't rule it out, you know? I don't think so-
Okay, look. My anxiety does make me interact with every new person I meet like a hugh-school crush, but I mean, I can't rule it out, you know? I don't think so-
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
And then this man, this rat fuck, this complete asshole, says, "Hey, do you have a crush on XXX? You seem to have taken to them very well."
Okay, look. My anxiety does make me interact with every new person I meet like a hugh-school crush, but I mean, I can't rule it out, you know? I don't think so-
Okay, look. My anxiety does make me interact with every new person I meet like a hugh-school crush, but I mean, I can't rule it out, you know? I don't think so-
A day or so passes and I keep thinking about list person (I should've given them a pseudonym, whoops), so I message my friend yet again asking him to set something up with a smaller group, ideally just the three of us, but four is fine, I guess. He agrees, says they want to hang with him more, etc.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
A day or so passes and I keep thinking about list person (I should've given them a pseudonym, whoops), so I message my friend yet again asking him to set something up with a smaller group, ideally just the three of us, but four is fine, I guess. He agrees, says they want to hang with him more, etc.
Joining VC on my own, without him there, is scary, but I see some of the more relaxed people in there, as well as that initial person we made a whole list on earlier, so I bite the bullet and jump in. It's hard not to feel like I made a fool out of myself the entire time, but I think it went okay.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Joining VC on my own, without him there, is scary, but I see some of the more relaxed people in there, as well as that initial person we made a whole list on earlier, so I bite the bullet and jump in. It's hard not to feel like I made a fool out of myself the entire time, but I think it went okay.
Now I'm interacting with everyone in the text chat, I've gotten screenshots from my friend who, out of the kindness of his heart, is trying to soothe my anxious soul by proving everyone liked hanging out with me, and it seems to be going well.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Now I'm interacting with everyone in the text chat, I've gotten screenshots from my friend who, out of the kindness of his heart, is trying to soothe my anxious soul by proving everyone liked hanging out with me, and it seems to be going well.
But you don't grow as a person by standing still, so I resolved to interact with this group and try and make friends with everyone.
This all happened in, like, two days, so I am extremely tired, but there is more!
This all happened in, like, two days, so I am extremely tired, but there is more!
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
But you don't grow as a person by standing still, so I resolved to interact with this group and try and make friends with everyone.
This all happened in, like, two days, so I am extremely tired, but there is more!
This all happened in, like, two days, so I am extremely tired, but there is more!
But it was definitely too much for me. I message my friend afterwards thanking him for inviting me and saying everyone was chill. I talked my way through the way I was feeling that night, as I kept him in the loop when I had to vanish, and had a full-blown anxiety attack in the process.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
But it was definitely too much for me. I message my friend afterwards thanking him for inviting me and saying everyone was chill. I talked my way through the way I was feeling that night, as I kept him in the loop when I had to vanish, and had a full-blown anxiety attack in the process.
I mean, it's the first space I've been in where literally everyone was primed on, and respects, my pronouns. That shit is crazy welcoming!
But they are a lot, and I mean A LOT. I have to step back two or three times to get some water and take a breath. I had fun, though.
But they are a lot, and I mean A LOT. I have to step back two or three times to get some water and take a breath. I had fun, though.
August 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
I mean, it's the first space I've been in where literally everyone was primed on, and respects, my pronouns. That shit is crazy welcoming!
But they are a lot, and I mean A LOT. I have to step back two or three times to get some water and take a breath. I had fun, though.
But they are a lot, and I mean A LOT. I have to step back two or three times to get some water and take a breath. I had fun, though.