Mariana Z
@mariana057.bsky.social
I’m not a comedian, but I joke a lot. I steal the good jokes. Bad jokes are mine. Resist. NO DMS.
Pinned
Mariana Z
@mariana057.bsky.social
· Dec 13
We DO NOT throw perfectly good food away in this house.
We put leftovers in a Tupperware & let it go bad, THEN throw it out!
We put leftovers in a Tupperware & let it go bad, THEN throw it out!
Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars walk into a bar.....
They didn’t planet that way.
They didn’t planet that way.
September 18, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars walk into a bar.....
They didn’t planet that way.
They didn’t planet that way.
Boss: we’re gonna be doing random drug testing
Me: okay but I won’t try crack
Me: okay but I won’t try crack
September 18, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Boss: we’re gonna be doing random drug testing
Me: okay but I won’t try crack
Me: okay but I won’t try crack
Me: “I need some sick time, I’ve got a case of anal glaucoma.”
Boss: “Anal Glaucoma, what’s that?”
Me: “I can’t see my ass coming to work tomorrow.”
Boss: “Anal Glaucoma, what’s that?”
Me: “I can’t see my ass coming to work tomorrow.”
September 18, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Me: “I need some sick time, I’ve got a case of anal glaucoma.”
Boss: “Anal Glaucoma, what’s that?”
Me: “I can’t see my ass coming to work tomorrow.”
Boss: “Anal Glaucoma, what’s that?”
Me: “I can’t see my ass coming to work tomorrow.”
Reposted by Mariana Z
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
September 17, 2025 at 8:46 PM
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
September 17, 2025 at 8:46 PM
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
Plus it's fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
Reposted by Mariana Z
A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "are all of those kids yours?"
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
September 17, 2025 at 2:56 PM
A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "are all of those kids yours?"
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "are all of those kids yours?"
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
September 17, 2025 at 2:56 PM
A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "are all of those kids yours?"
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
He replies, " no. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
Reposted by Mariana Z
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention dressed as a doctor.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
September 16, 2025 at 4:18 PM
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention dressed as a doctor.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
Do I love my coworkers?
No.
But are they good at their job and make my life easier at work?
Also no.
No.
But are they good at their job and make my life easier at work?
Also no.
September 16, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Do I love my coworkers?
No.
But are they good at their job and make my life easier at work?
Also no.
No.
But are they good at their job and make my life easier at work?
Also no.
Reposted by Mariana Z
My wife works at the zoo.
I think she's a keeper
I think she's a keeper
September 16, 2025 at 5:13 AM
My wife works at the zoo.
I think she's a keeper
I think she's a keeper
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention dressed as a doctor.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
September 16, 2025 at 4:18 PM
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention dressed as a doctor.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
The security guard suspected that I wasn't the Real McCoy.
My wife works at the zoo.
I think she's a keeper
I think she's a keeper
September 16, 2025 at 5:13 AM
My wife works at the zoo.
I think she's a keeper
I think she's a keeper
Reposted by Mariana Z
Reposted by Mariana Z
I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, "That sure is a big rock." "Boulder," he corrected me.
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
September 15, 2025 at 10:35 PM
I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, "That sure is a big rock." "Boulder," he corrected me.
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, "That sure is a big rock." "Boulder," he corrected me.
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
September 15, 2025 at 10:35 PM
I was walking through a quarry and I said to the foreman, "That sure is a big rock." "Boulder," he corrected me.
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
So I stuck out my chest and shouted,
"THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!"
Reposted by Mariana Z
Sorry, I haven't gotten anything done today.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
September 15, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Sorry, I haven't gotten anything done today.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
Sorry, I haven't gotten anything done today.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
September 15, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Sorry, I haven't gotten anything done today.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
I've been stuck in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
Reposted by Mariana Z
If a priest blesses an avocado, does it then become Holy Guacamole?
September 14, 2025 at 11:08 PM
If a priest blesses an avocado, does it then become Holy Guacamole?
Reposted by Mariana Z
Did you know that birthdays are good for your health?
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
September 15, 2025 at 11:34 AM
Did you know that birthdays are good for your health?
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Did you know that birthdays are good for your health?
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
September 15, 2025 at 11:34 AM
Did you know that birthdays are good for your health?
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Reposted by Mariana Z
Good morning Blueskyers!! Our houseguest departed for LA this morning, so clean up is in progress and it was a working visit so I've been absent from social media since Wednesday. Lots to catch up on. I'll be posting this apple Beehive Cake today. How has everyones weekend gone??
September 14, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Good morning Blueskyers!! Our houseguest departed for LA this morning, so clean up is in progress and it was a working visit so I've been absent from social media since Wednesday. Lots to catch up on. I'll be posting this apple Beehive Cake today. How has everyones weekend gone??
If a priest blesses an avocado, does it then become Holy Guacamole?
September 14, 2025 at 11:08 PM
If a priest blesses an avocado, does it then become Holy Guacamole?
Reposted by Mariana Z
I told my doctor I have a problem with my right ear.
He asked if I was sure.
I said: yeah... I'm definite.
He asked if I was sure.
I said: yeah... I'm definite.
September 14, 2025 at 3:31 PM
I told my doctor I have a problem with my right ear.
He asked if I was sure.
I said: yeah... I'm definite.
He asked if I was sure.
I said: yeah... I'm definite.
Reposted by Mariana Z
Why did the hipster burn his tongue with his pizza?
He ate it before it was cool!
He ate it before it was cool!
September 14, 2025 at 5:31 PM
Why did the hipster burn his tongue with his pizza?
He ate it before it was cool!
He ate it before it was cool!