I could go selfishly crying, pitying myself, wanting others to do the same. It would feel great, but it would be wrong. I've learned my lesson. I won't make a mistake like that again.

But dammit if it doesn't feel like shit. When you've done something inexcusable, what are you supposed to do? Forgive yourself? I don't even deserve forgiveness from who I've hurt. I wouldn't dare forgive myself.

We live in a society that tells us again and again that our individuality makes us special, and we should love and cherish that, while also beating us down for standing out at all.

We could kill the rich and build a better society. But we won't. So I guess I'll just have to man up and take it.

I don't want you to love me. I want to love me. How are you so good at it? Why is it so hard for me to do the same? Why do you like me so much when I hate me. I don't deserve friends like you. You're all too good for trash like me. I'm just litter.

I just wish I had it in me to be happy like that. To be satisfied. Why is it so much harder... Just to look so much worse? I wish I were one of those people that can be amateurs and be fine with that, be happy because art makes them happy. Why am I stuck hating myself.

Maybe it's not a good idea to make my first post this instead of uploading the old art i deleted from twitter.