Humans are forever cursed to be unaware of how dumb their generation's slang is.

If I've learned anything from social media, and I hope I haven't, it's that everything that happens is either the greatest or worst OF ALL TIME.

You know, when the concept of 'haters' was introduced, it really helped a lot of people completely bail on any kind of self-awareness.

Why are we spilling tea now instead of beans? Is this some more tariff horseshit?

I think I liked it better when people didn't talk so much about the food that they're eating.

Ten years ago today I had my last day at “Conan” after 18 years there. Thanks again so much to Conan, Andy, and everyone else there for this very nice send-off. youtu.be/TLumXv6fUZ4?si… via @YouTube

Why have cooking videos become so angry?

The music industry really started its downward trajectory when they stopped making songs about cars and motorcycles.

I think a lot of politically engaged people are wildly overestimating how helpful 'owning' someone is as a vehicle for change.

North Sea Toxic Chemicals Explosion Turns Out To Be Elon Musk

Humans of Earth! Please stop volunteering to die on hills. You haven't thought it through and it won't make you one of the cool kids.

YES 🍀💚✊🏾

I had a dream last night that Anne Hathaway tackled me in a subway as part of some skin ointment promotion she was doing. My sex dreams are now too abstract to be of any bloody use.

Trump's failed endeavors:

Trump Steaks
Trump Airlines
Trump Vodka
Trump Mortgage
Trump: The Game Trump Magazine
Trump University
Trump Ice
The NJ Generals
Tour de Trump
Trump Network
Trumped!
Taj Mahal
Trump Castle
Trump Plaza Casinos
Trump Plaza Hotel
Trump NFT

Trump USA

Ten seconds after following Bob Seger, "Against the Wind" came on the radio. The man takes care of his fans.

"So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do."

- Dead Poets Society

📍Without personally knowing the pathologically malignant, narcissistic orange turd I can say without fail he could win a competition for the definition of “stupid.” Sadder yet, he’s willfully moronic…. Having all the formal educational resources available to him, and he chooses ignorance.

Our National Strategic Reserve of 'I said what I said' and 'Thank you for coming to my TED talk' are running dangerously low. Get it together, America.

So when all was said and done, the only country that opened it's prisons and sent crazy murderous criminals to prey upon innocent American citizens, was us.