Luke Burns
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lukevburns.bsky.social
Luke Burns
@lukevburns.bsky.social
4.1K followers 450 following 1.2K posts
Writing funny stuff/weird stuff. New Yorker, McSweeney's, NY Mag, etc. Translator of MASTERS OF THE NEFARIOUS, on shelves now. https://lukevburns.tumblr.com/writing (He/Him) Header image by Lucas Adams
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lukevburns.bsky.social
Singing Alouette but with wikipedia's literal translation of the lyrics
Screenshot of text on a wikipedia page: Below are the original French lyrics along with a literal English translation. Refrain: Alouette, gentille alouette, Alouette, je te plumerai. Refrain: Lark, nice lark, Lark, I will pluck you. 1. Je te plumerai la tête. (×2) Et la tête! (×2) Alouette! (×2) A-a-a-ah Refrain 1. I will pluck your head. (×2) And your head! (×2) Lark! (×2) A-a-a-ah Refrain
November 5, 2025 at 2:37 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Once you conclude the magic sandwich could not create all seven of those wounds, you have to conclude that there was a second sandwich
Kevin Costner in a courtroom scene in JFK, looking incredibly focused and intense, wearing glasses, surrounded by diagrams
November 4, 2025 at 4:57 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Just in: The Lieutenant has endorsed Andrew Cuomo
Shot from the end of Bad Lieutenant -- Harvey Keitel sitting in a car parked outside of Penn Station with an ad for the Trump Plaza in the background
November 4, 2025 at 4:23 AM
lukevburns.bsky.social
If you want to know which piece we're talking about here, click on through!
This instantly joins the pantheon of great humor pieces about Billy Joel. It’s an illustrious list that includes Michael Ian Black’s What I Would Be Thinking About If I Were Billy Joel Driving Toward a Holiday Party Where I Knew There Was Going to Be a Piano and Felipe Torres Medina and Dru Johnston’s Beware the Piano-Man! And for some great non-fiction about Billy Joel that is also often quite funny, check out Nick Paumgarten’s profile, Thirty-Three-Hit Wonder.
October 24, 2025 at 4:16 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Until somebody grows a bigger pumpkin
Benny Safdie as Edward Teller in Oppenheimer, in the scene where he says "Until somebody builds a bigger bomb"
October 23, 2025 at 11:11 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Taking the bus
Homer Simpson, plated in gold and encrusted with jewels, wearing a ruby-studded crown, laughing haughtily
October 10, 2025 at 3:36 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Thomas Pynchon:
The professor who wants Tim Robinson's burger in the I Think You Should Leave "Dylan's Burger" sketch
October 10, 2025 at 2:33 AM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Same energy
The scene from David Lynch's Dune with the emperor and the Guild Navigator (which looks kinda like the rat in the pic above)
October 7, 2025 at 10:06 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
feel like you might want the "w" to be a little more clear here
A business whose sign appears to read "CITY HOLESALE Cash & Carry." The business is probably actually called "City Wholesale", but the "W" in wholesale has been turned into a confusing kind of logo that makes it not look like a letter. The sign is in orange and white and the facade of the building is grey with some grafitti here and there.
October 1, 2025 at 10:29 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Synchronicity on the timeline
A post about an article with the headline "Tesla Bros Attempt Coast-to-Coast Trip in Self-Driving Mode, Crash Right Away" followed by a second post from the Moby Dick quotes account that reads "I do not think I shall err"
September 29, 2025 at 3:06 AM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Tatooine?
Cover to a book called "Watteau and His World: French Drawing From 1700 to 1750", featuring a drawing of a sitting person by the artist.
September 26, 2025 at 5:36 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
If you want to know which short humor piece we're talking about here, click through and check it out.
A screenshot of text: [Name blanked out] does a terrific job depicting a type of relationship that just about all of us have had at one time or another. This is one of those brilliant premises that perfectly captures a thing we all know, but didn’t necessarily KNOW we knew (if you know what we mean).
September 26, 2025 at 4:51 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
The Jesus of Nazareth page on the DC fandom wiki is extremely funny dc.fandom.com/wiki/Jesus_o...
From a section of the DC Fandom Wiki page for Jesus: Powers and Abilities Powers Healing Molecular Reconstruction Resurrection Weather Manipulation Exorcism Abilities Carpentry Theology Storytelling
September 11, 2025 at 11:21 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Very nice shout-out to MASTERS OF THE NEFARIOUS in this terrific article! Tons of great recs here.
Instead of scrolling Instagram memes, read something visually and verbally enticing, like Masters of the Nefarious: Mollusk Rampage (https://bookshop.org/p/books/masters-of-the-nefarious-mollusk-rampage-pierre-la-police/73ef9aedd7c05ff8?ean=9781681378343&next=t&next=t&affiliate=132), by Pierre La Police, and translated by Luke Burns. I love this absurdist, sort-of-mystery comic about paranormal investigators who are trying to figure out what the hell is going on with the mollusks, UFOs, and weird weather. The whole this is very slapstick and irreverent, and the story is advanced almost exclusively by wacky deus ex machinas. But it’s full of memorable turns of phrase and vivid, silly illustrations—it’s a very funny book, and will handily one-up any meme account.
September 10, 2025 at 6:01 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Topsy-Turvy pilled
Allan Corduner as Arthur Sullivan in Mike Leigh's Topsy-Turvy. He's wearing a tuxedo and has a glass of champagne in one hand, a cigarette in a holder in the other. He looks delighted, eyebrows raised, mouth open as if he's saying "ooooh"
September 1, 2025 at 7:57 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Also, we're doing another hangout in early September. Come on out and say hi!
A Hangout of Humorous Writing Join us for a get-together with humor writers and humor writing fans. Hosted by Luke & James, editors of A Newsletter of Humorous Writing. Peculier Pub 145 Bleecker St. NYC Wednesday 9/3,6 PM
August 22, 2025 at 4:33 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Shot from Alien of Ash dismembered, and (crucially for the purposes of this joke) covered in white goo, with a satisfied smile-smirk on his face.
August 20, 2025 at 3:55 AM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Image from the Simpson's episode Homer's Enemy, where Homer has entered a child's nuclear power plant model building contest. He stands in front of his crude model, explaining his design to Mr. Burns. He has replicated the existing nuclear power plant adding only fins and a racing stripe to the cooling towers. The text reads "I added some fins to lower wind resistance."
August 8, 2025 at 3:10 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Roger Corman, wearing a suit, seated and smiling, with a speech bubble coming out of his mouth and running to the bottom of the frame, indicating he is saying the text in the quoted post.
July 31, 2025 at 1:40 AM
lukevburns.bsky.social
A tweet from someone named "Pastor Mark Driscoll" that reads "Watch this video before you commit adultery" but the thumbnail of the actual video has been replaced by a thumbnail for Blood Simple
July 24, 2025 at 4:57 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Jon Voight version of sickos meme spotted in Anaconda
Jon Voight in Anaconda peering through a cracked, dirty window, wide-eyed with a look of depraved excitement
July 23, 2025 at 9:34 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Despite everything... it does kinda rule
A shot from Mortal Kombat (1995). Sub-Zero, in silhouette, red light behind him, descends a staircase in the center of the frame. Liu Kang, lit from above by blue light, looks up as he approaches. Smoke rises from the ground. They are about to engage in the titular kombat. Continuation of the scene described in the previous image -- Liu Kang and Sub-Zero have adopted fighting stances and are about to face off.
July 17, 2025 at 10:51 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
"I know they will never ever let me out while I'm alive. What i want is a view."
Meme of Squidward looking out window through blinds at Spongebob and Patrick frolicking
June 30, 2025 at 4:26 AM
lukevburns.bsky.social
moving forward, I will be describing all my mistakes/fuck ups as gestures of humility under God
Screenshot of text from the article that reads "Some have argued that the bad kerning is actually a gesture of humility under God"
April 30, 2025 at 4:30 PM
lukevburns.bsky.social
Excited to finally check out Ang Lee’s "Mini Man"
A DVD copy of Ang Lee's Gemini Man, starring Will Smith, taken out from the Library. The cover of the DVD is partially covered by a piece of paper with the due date on it that has been inserted into the slipcover, thus making it appear as though the title of the film is "Mini Man"
April 13, 2025 at 6:07 PM