Wander Lüst
@lookingformyself.bsky.social
Doing the walk of life and trying to make sense of it. A microjournal to make journaling easier. Stray thoughts congealing into something coherent.
I've been home for about a month and I'm working on holding on to the meat I left. There are parts of my experience back here then I'm very disappointed by but my drive to maintain is still there. I felt instantly drained the second I returned. I started swimming and all of the same problems
September 28, 2025 at 4:00 AM
I've been home for about a month and I'm working on holding on to the meat I left. There are parts of my experience back here then I'm very disappointed by but my drive to maintain is still there. I felt instantly drained the second I returned. I started swimming and all of the same problems
I'm omw to the airport and feel like I should put something here as an obligation but also a commemoration. I've spent a little over a year hopping around Europe with a stop back home and wish I could sum it all up in a few words. There has been so much deliberate life and learning
August 31, 2025 at 6:39 AM
I'm omw to the airport and feel like I should put something here as an obligation but also a commemoration. I've spent a little over a year hopping around Europe with a stop back home and wish I could sum it all up in a few words. There has been so much deliberate life and learning
Last night I had a little soirée with my Baltimore friends and a new one to celebrate my last weekend. The new one is in media and took video of us dancing. I looked back at it today and have not seen that much joy on my face in so long. Not just happiness but a deep sense of ebullience
August 23, 2025 at 11:00 AM
Last night I had a little soirée with my Baltimore friends and a new one to celebrate my last weekend. The new one is in media and took video of us dancing. I looked back at it today and have not seen that much joy on my face in so long. Not just happiness but a deep sense of ebullience
Freedom has to find its venue. The things that are inside of me are not as locked as I think I am. They want to come out but they have to find the appropriate place. I recently completed a week of system cycle dynamic program in my brain is fried. The week of talking about talking while also running
June 14, 2025 at 10:18 PM
Freedom has to find its venue. The things that are inside of me are not as locked as I think I am. They want to come out but they have to find the appropriate place. I recently completed a week of system cycle dynamic program in my brain is fried. The week of talking about talking while also running
I have no idea why but I've been waking up with gospel music in my head for about the last week. I have not listened to two or wanted to listen to gospel music and a very long time and I'm not quite sure what the universe is trying to tell me.
April 28, 2025 at 8:41 PM
I have no idea why but I've been waking up with gospel music in my head for about the last week. I have not listened to two or wanted to listen to gospel music and a very long time and I'm not quite sure what the universe is trying to tell me.
My feet are literally killing me and I refuse to wear ugly shoes. I finally got to the age, thanks to all this walking in the city, where I need specialized shoes just to get around. I'm in pain. I'm in pain on a semi daily basis and I refuse to wear something that would make me feel good
March 25, 2025 at 1:14 PM
My feet are literally killing me and I refuse to wear ugly shoes. I finally got to the age, thanks to all this walking in the city, where I need specialized shoes just to get around. I'm in pain. I'm in pain on a semi daily basis and I refuse to wear something that would make me feel good
It's about a week and a half after my birthday and sound has permeated my life. I spent the weekend and the day at a sound healing training. I had my first sound bath at 40 and spent the next 2 years researching where and how to learn. It was the only thing that could calm my mind for meditation
March 5, 2025 at 6:22 PM
It's about a week and a half after my birthday and sound has permeated my life. I spent the weekend and the day at a sound healing training. I had my first sound bath at 40 and spent the next 2 years researching where and how to learn. It was the only thing that could calm my mind for meditation
I used to dance. I used to sing. I used to love the freedom both. The freedom of movement and the freedom of sound. I let age, competition, in the world take away the beautiful things I could do with my body. I let embarrassment stop my movement. I let competition take away my song.
February 15, 2025 at 1:57 PM
I used to dance. I used to sing. I used to love the freedom both. The freedom of movement and the freedom of sound. I let age, competition, in the world take away the beautiful things I could do with my body. I let embarrassment stop my movement. I let competition take away my song.
I have a hemorrhoid, haven't had one since my early 20s and my ass feels like a prehistoric volcano. My irrational mind attributes it to the Jamaican boy putting a root on me. My rational mind says a better man than him gave me some better dick and my body wasn't ready for it.
January 26, 2025 at 4:05 PM
I have a hemorrhoid, haven't had one since my early 20s and my ass feels like a prehistoric volcano. My irrational mind attributes it to the Jamaican boy putting a root on me. My rational mind says a better man than him gave me some better dick and my body wasn't ready for it.
I've known him for over 20 years and he was one of the first people I let inside me. I didn't know what I was doing. There were no manuals in the early aughts and I doubt I was properly prepares beyond not eating for a day. He never got in anyway so it didn't matter much.
January 24, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I've known him for over 20 years and he was one of the first people I let inside me. I didn't know what I was doing. There were no manuals in the early aughts and I doubt I was properly prepares beyond not eating for a day. He never got in anyway so it didn't matter much.
I have too much swimming up here and I did that thing I do of not letting it go regularly because I was waiting for something profound. I've started and stopped so many times in my head because it felt inorganic. A month has gone by and so much has happened that I hope I can remember it all
January 24, 2025 at 12:35 PM
I have too much swimming up here and I did that thing I do of not letting it go regularly because I was waiting for something profound. I've started and stopped so many times in my head because it felt inorganic. A month has gone by and so much has happened that I hope I can remember it all
The eternal disrespect
January 24, 2025 at 9:22 AM
The eternal disrespect
Spanish is pimps too, gone brush your shoulders off
January 24, 2025 at 8:51 AM
Spanish is pimps too, gone brush your shoulders off
Your grandma would gag
January 24, 2025 at 8:49 AM
Your grandma would gag
I gotta cool it down
January 24, 2025 at 8:45 AM
I gotta cool it down
When your haters link up for your downfall
January 24, 2025 at 8:43 AM
When your haters link up for your downfall
I didn't want to come home. Coming home always made me feel fractured and disjointed. My parents fucked, separated and created a family constellation that looks like multiple galaxies. Sometimes I'm the sun, sometimes I'm a black hole. Every time I'm always worried that I'll be thrown out of heaven
December 21, 2024 at 4:34 PM
I didn't want to come home. Coming home always made me feel fractured and disjointed. My parents fucked, separated and created a family constellation that looks like multiple galaxies. Sometimes I'm the sun, sometimes I'm a black hole. Every time I'm always worried that I'll be thrown out of heaven
If you're going to "let me down easy" just go ahead and get it over with. You're letting me down regardless.
December 13, 2024 at 5:29 PM
If you're going to "let me down easy" just go ahead and get it over with. You're letting me down regardless.
I know that I have been raped at least once and sexually assaulted more time than I can count is the rate happen when I was still in undergrad. I never reported it because I didn't really understand what was happening to me. I thought because I wanted to be there saying stop didn't matter.
December 10, 2024 at 5:32 PM
I know that I have been raped at least once and sexually assaulted more time than I can count is the rate happen when I was still in undergrad. I never reported it because I didn't really understand what was happening to me. I thought because I wanted to be there saying stop didn't matter.
They were extremely similar but couldn't have been more different. They even lived in opposite directions from each other in the same area. Literally a left and right turn down my main street.
December 7, 2024 at 2:47 PM
They were extremely similar but couldn't have been more different. They even lived in opposite directions from each other in the same area. Literally a left and right turn down my main street.
I Painted Him and Now He's Ghosting Me: A Memoir
December 7, 2024 at 11:21 AM
I Painted Him and Now He's Ghosting Me: A Memoir
I really needed to see this and I'm working my way to absorbing it. Contextualized like this it gives me more room to forgive myself. I am moving. I AM moving. As many times as I've done this in my life it has never gone completely smoothly. From state to state and now attempting countries.
December 6, 2024 at 11:45 AM
I really needed to see this and I'm working my way to absorbing it. Contextualized like this it gives me more room to forgive myself. I am moving. I AM moving. As many times as I've done this in my life it has never gone completely smoothly. From state to state and now attempting countries.
open.spotify.com/track/3WG3Qc...
I've been listening to this song for years and I feel like the lyrics are hitting more than ever lately. I really feel like I've been fucking up for the last 2 months and things are not going the way I planned. I'm rolling w/the punches but they still hurt
I've been listening to this song for years and I feel like the lyrics are hitting more than ever lately. I really feel like I've been fucking up for the last 2 months and things are not going the way I planned. I'm rolling w/the punches but they still hurt
Blink
Mob Rich · Blink · Song · 2019
open.spotify.com
December 4, 2024 at 10:28 PM
open.spotify.com/track/3WG3Qc...
I've been listening to this song for years and I feel like the lyrics are hitting more than ever lately. I really feel like I've been fucking up for the last 2 months and things are not going the way I planned. I'm rolling w/the punches but they still hurt
I've been listening to this song for years and I feel like the lyrics are hitting more than ever lately. I really feel like I've been fucking up for the last 2 months and things are not going the way I planned. I'm rolling w/the punches but they still hurt
I'm wondering where I got this belief that I have to be trained in something to do it when I can just....do it. Certain things sure, lessons help. However, if I want to write poetry, why can't I just write? Is there a reason I need to understand mechanics, structure, etc. just to get my feelings out
December 3, 2024 at 11:14 AM
I'm wondering where I got this belief that I have to be trained in something to do it when I can just....do it. Certain things sure, lessons help. However, if I want to write poetry, why can't I just write? Is there a reason I need to understand mechanics, structure, etc. just to get my feelings out