Funkmaster PR 5000
@littlejewboy.bsky.social
All opinions and views expressed on this page are Charles Barkley’s, he sits over my shoulder and dictates them to me when Inside the NBA goes to commercial 🫨
“My mom cooked for me growing u-“
Who gives a fuck?? She’s your mom, she has a biological prerogative to feed her young!! It’s more impressive if you can get her to cook for you as an adult who still lives in her house, when she can actually kick your ass out into the real world 🙄
Who gives a fuck?? She’s your mom, she has a biological prerogative to feed her young!! It’s more impressive if you can get her to cook for you as an adult who still lives in her house, when she can actually kick your ass out into the real world 🙄
April 7, 2025 at 4:08 AM
“My mom cooked for me growing u-“
Who gives a fuck?? She’s your mom, she has a biological prerogative to feed her young!! It’s more impressive if you can get her to cook for you as an adult who still lives in her house, when she can actually kick your ass out into the real world 🙄
Who gives a fuck?? She’s your mom, she has a biological prerogative to feed her young!! It’s more impressive if you can get her to cook for you as an adult who still lives in her house, when she can actually kick your ass out into the real world 🙄
I think corny sitcoms should play their entire theme song after every single cringey joke, each episode will be seven hours long and you cannot watch all the way through without ripping off your fingernails 😂🤣😹
March 31, 2025 at 10:07 PM
I think corny sitcoms should play their entire theme song after every single cringey joke, each episode will be seven hours long and you cannot watch all the way through without ripping off your fingernails 😂🤣😹
Received this at work, wrote “Is that YOUR erection, or is it MINE?” above these two, and carefully placed it in my CEO’s mailbox…let’s see what happens 😈
March 28, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Received this at work, wrote “Is that YOUR erection, or is it MINE?” above these two, and carefully placed it in my CEO’s mailbox…let’s see what happens 😈
Reposted by Funkmaster PR 5000
I'm like an empty bottle
Drained of everything left in my mind
Checking out life on the dark side
Riding down the road 'til the end of time
I'm like a broken lantern
Stuffed of everything good and light
Hanging 'round waiting for something
To pick me up or hang me dry
Fill Me Up Again...
Drained of everything left in my mind
Checking out life on the dark side
Riding down the road 'til the end of time
I'm like a broken lantern
Stuffed of everything good and light
Hanging 'round waiting for something
To pick me up or hang me dry
Fill Me Up Again...
March 22, 2025 at 4:54 PM
I'm like an empty bottle
Drained of everything left in my mind
Checking out life on the dark side
Riding down the road 'til the end of time
I'm like a broken lantern
Stuffed of everything good and light
Hanging 'round waiting for something
To pick me up or hang me dry
Fill Me Up Again...
Drained of everything left in my mind
Checking out life on the dark side
Riding down the road 'til the end of time
I'm like a broken lantern
Stuffed of everything good and light
Hanging 'round waiting for something
To pick me up or hang me dry
Fill Me Up Again...
My wife was constipated a few weeks ago after having surgery, so in a show of solidarity, I have had IBS for 25 years 🥹🥰
March 21, 2025 at 9:21 PM
My wife was constipated a few weeks ago after having surgery, so in a show of solidarity, I have had IBS for 25 years 🥹🥰
WHAT IS THE POINT OF KNOCKING ON A BATHROOM DOOR IF YOU’RE GOING TO TRY AND BREAK IT DOWN WITHOUT A FUCKING MILLISECOND IN BETWEEN?! GOD DAMN WHITE WOMEN IN AN OFFICE TURN INTO SAVAGES WHEN THEY GOTTA GO…
March 19, 2025 at 9:55 PM
WHAT IS THE POINT OF KNOCKING ON A BATHROOM DOOR IF YOU’RE GOING TO TRY AND BREAK IT DOWN WITHOUT A FUCKING MILLISECOND IN BETWEEN?! GOD DAMN WHITE WOMEN IN AN OFFICE TURN INTO SAVAGES WHEN THEY GOTTA GO…
Farted in my office while a resident was there and I pointed to an empty corner and said “That was the dog” AND IT WORKED because they’re 130 years old and just shambling around the building before Death swings his merciful scythe their way 🔜🪦
March 13, 2025 at 10:01 PM
Farted in my office while a resident was there and I pointed to an empty corner and said “That was the dog” AND IT WORKED because they’re 130 years old and just shambling around the building before Death swings his merciful scythe their way 🔜🪦
Telling the cashier at the pot shop that I’m the one who came up with the phrase “Sleeping is just microdosing death” and receiving The Blankest Look Of All Time™️©️®️ in response 🔚🔜
March 9, 2025 at 4:15 AM
Telling the cashier at the pot shop that I’m the one who came up with the phrase “Sleeping is just microdosing death” and receiving The Blankest Look Of All Time™️©️®️ in response 🔚🔜
Reposted by Funkmaster PR 5000
February 14, 2024 at 10:45 PM
For how old, white, and rich the residents at my job are, it’s always refreshing to learn how many of them are eagerly hoping they’ll outlive the president 🥹🥹🥹
March 7, 2025 at 4:40 AM
For how old, white, and rich the residents at my job are, it’s always refreshing to learn how many of them are eagerly hoping they’ll outlive the president 🥹🥹🥹
Love getting little reminders of my wonderful wife as I go through my work day!! (Strands of her hair are woven into every single article of my clothing and I am constantly pulling them out in front of confused coworkers) 😍🥰😘
March 4, 2025 at 7:58 PM
Love getting little reminders of my wonderful wife as I go through my work day!! (Strands of her hair are woven into every single article of my clothing and I am constantly pulling them out in front of confused coworkers) 😍🥰😘
Me: Hel-
Someone who has never smoked pot: You gotta be careful with melatonin, that shit is strong and it’ll really knock your ass out…
Someone who has never smoked pot: You gotta be careful with melatonin, that shit is strong and it’ll really knock your ass out…
February 28, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Me: Hel-
Someone who has never smoked pot: You gotta be careful with melatonin, that shit is strong and it’ll really knock your ass out…
Someone who has never smoked pot: You gotta be careful with melatonin, that shit is strong and it’ll really knock your ass out…
Reposted by Funkmaster PR 5000
Opt out tomorrow!
February 28, 2025 at 12:54 AM
Opt out tomorrow!
Wanna feel old? The “Don’t Cuss” kid was just arrested for tax evasion 😩
February 23, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Wanna feel old? The “Don’t Cuss” kid was just arrested for tax evasion 😩
If you ever feel like you’re not “good” or “smart” enough, just remember that even Albert Einstein had to learn how to tie his shoes at some point in his life…but holy shit, he probably figured it out a lot faster than you, are those laces wrapped UNDERNEATH your shoes?? Jesus Christ, dude…
February 21, 2025 at 8:06 PM
If you ever feel like you’re not “good” or “smart” enough, just remember that even Albert Einstein had to learn how to tie his shoes at some point in his life…but holy shit, he probably figured it out a lot faster than you, are those laces wrapped UNDERNEATH your shoes?? Jesus Christ, dude…
Reposted by Funkmaster PR 5000
SEVERANCE But
They find out their Outies are Mac Dennis Charlie and Dee from it's always sunny in Philadelphia
They find out their Outies are Mac Dennis Charlie and Dee from it's always sunny in Philadelphia
February 15, 2025 at 1:58 AM
SEVERANCE But
They find out their Outies are Mac Dennis Charlie and Dee from it's always sunny in Philadelphia
They find out their Outies are Mac Dennis Charlie and Dee from it's always sunny in Philadelphia
This country really lost something precious when stores stopped staying open 24 hours a day…people are so fucked up now because they can’t get out their crazies by purchasing a Subway sandwich and a lawnmower of their choosing at the closest Walmart at 3:30 AM 🫨😩
February 12, 2025 at 1:00 AM
This country really lost something precious when stores stopped staying open 24 hours a day…people are so fucked up now because they can’t get out their crazies by purchasing a Subway sandwich and a lawnmower of their choosing at the closest Walmart at 3:30 AM 🫨😩
Throwing myself a retirement party at the office every Friday so people aren’t as deeply affected when the real thing happens in 40 years…or, more likely, fucking never 😵
January 31, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Throwing myself a retirement party at the office every Friday so people aren’t as deeply affected when the real thing happens in 40 years…or, more likely, fucking never 😵
BREAKING NEWS: “PRESIDENT” TRUMP TO PARDON THE “PANTS ON THE GROUND” GUY, SAYS “HE DID NOT LOOK LIKE A FOOL, FOLKS, BELIEVE ME, I’VE SEEN PLENTY OF PANTLESS GUYS AND HE IS NOWHERE NEAR THE MOST FOOLISH” 😱🫡🤗
January 30, 2025 at 1:26 PM
BREAKING NEWS: “PRESIDENT” TRUMP TO PARDON THE “PANTS ON THE GROUND” GUY, SAYS “HE DID NOT LOOK LIKE A FOOL, FOLKS, BELIEVE ME, I’VE SEEN PLENTY OF PANTLESS GUYS AND HE IS NOWHERE NEAR THE MOST FOOLISH” 😱🫡🤗
Just had the stoned thought of realizing almost all song lyrics hit a lower note at the end than the one preceding it and said to myself “Music is all about going down”…thought about posting this on Twitter, but I’m never gonna get this shit off the ground if I keep giving themgrade-A stuff 🎶⬇️🥵
January 29, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Just had the stoned thought of realizing almost all song lyrics hit a lower note at the end than the one preceding it and said to myself “Music is all about going down”…thought about posting this on Twitter, but I’m never gonna get this shit off the ground if I keep giving themgrade-A stuff 🎶⬇️🥵
Don’t cry because it’s over (Hawk Tuah girl disappearing after her bitcoin venture failed), smile because it happened (stealing money from hundreds of absolute dolts who thought she was a financial guru on top of being a trashy Southern whore) 🥹🥹🥹
January 24, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Don’t cry because it’s over (Hawk Tuah girl disappearing after her bitcoin venture failed), smile because it happened (stealing money from hundreds of absolute dolts who thought she was a financial guru on top of being a trashy Southern whore) 🥹🥹🥹
Back on this platform again, but this time I’m an alpha…let’s see what will happen 😼
January 23, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Back on this platform again, but this time I’m an alpha…let’s see what will happen 😼
Nearly shit myself in a diner ONCE AGAIN…how many times until you’re satisfied, God?? How many innocent bystanders must suffocate on my egg farts before you absolve me of my sins??
November 16, 2024 at 10:16 PM
Nearly shit myself in a diner ONCE AGAIN…how many times until you’re satisfied, God?? How many innocent bystanders must suffocate on my egg farts before you absolve me of my sins??
Reposted by Funkmaster PR 5000
November 15, 2024 at 11:54 PM