Ngl.. I hate myself more now than I have in a very long time.

I made promises that I intend to keep, so I put my medication away. I won't lie and say I haven't been real close to no return in the last 24h.

Had a seizure so bad my heart started to hurt real bad and I couldn't see for around 10min.

Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but an irritation to those around me. Like I'm that one annoying person nobody wants to be around.

I know that it's probably just in my head, but there's a part of me that still fails to believe anyone wants me around.

It's an incredibly lonely and cold feeling.

Nvm. Can't cry it seems. Just gonna sleep then. Coz if I don't my brain is just gonna go for a dive.

Time for a lengthy cry.

Probably the darkest place my head has gone to in a while tbh.

I feel like shit. I'm trying my best to keep my chin up, but yesterday I broke. Now the person I love most, with all my heart is being pushed by my problems to feel worse when they already have enough on their plate.

You don't owe me anything my angel. You treat me well and you show me love. I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

My want to be attractive is my own insecurity to deal with and not something that should put pressure on you for the sake of my ego.

I'm the one who is wrong here.

I'm such a fucking dumbass...

Sorry for making you worry about something that isn't your fault and isn't even a problem to begin with.

I shouldn't have brought it up because now all I have done is made you feel like you've done something wrong when you haven't at all.

That moment when you realise something about yourself that makes your stress and anxiety seems so stupid -_-

Gonna keep working through my mindset and shortcomings and fix the parts of it that aren't grounded in reality so they stop getting in the way of everyday life.

I refuse to stay a mess.

I won't let my paranoia ever get the better of me like that again.

It's only ever happened to me once like that and it will stay that way.

I refuse to let my dumb brain dictate my life in any way shape or form.

I vow right now to continue to work on myself and push to better my mindset.