Celestial seasonings apple cinnamon herbal tea is gross but works well as an air freshener by simmering it on the stove. #frugal #lame #oldandboring #lowbar

Well, we finally have a signed contract for rebuilding our kitchen now that insurance has paid us the majority of what we think we should get for the water damage. It only took four months. Four months of no kitchen and no insulation in that room. -34 windchill yesterday. 👍🏻

I had no idea I was the only person who thought David Lynch was a disgusting, misogynistic piece of garbage. 🤷🏻

All of my human children are now licensed drivers! Bring on the excruciatingly high insurance rates! 🎉🥳💰

I have been overestimating my available number of spoons since forever. I can’t quite wrap my head about having to stop something after I’ve started. To combat this, I’ve decided to work on the principle that I only have 3 spoons, and they are all for me. No one else gets my 3 spoons.

It confuses people that I vacillate between precise, specific language and hyperbolic, colorful language. But do you wear sweatpants to a funeral? A ball gown to the gym? Yes, precision for tasks assigned and medical details reported - but huge fireworks displays of verbosity for love and art, yes?

This morning my friend affectionately called me a baby sloth, and I have adopted it as my mental health strategy for the day. What do baby sloths care about? Nothing, except naps. I am approaching my job and the world with a breezy baby sloth attitude. 🦥 la la la 🎶

I keep thinking about the surreal nature of modern advertising. Why does Coca-Cola spend even one dollar on ads?

Thing One and I were singing “Anything Goes” at the top of our lungs and found that we know different lyrics. T1 knows the show version: “But now God knows anything goes” whereas I know the popular recording artist version: “Now heaven knows anything goes”. Couldn’t say “god” on the radio maybe?