Just call me Les.
@lesmartin.bsky.social
Left leaning, anti Brexit, I will post rubbish jokes, you have been warned!
I was going to patent a method for reusing tea bags, but Tetley have taken out a restraining order against me…
November 22, 2025 at 9:06 PM
I was going to patent a method for reusing tea bags, but Tetley have taken out a restraining order against me…
So I just checked my bank account and it looks like I am getting everyone the thought that counts for Christmas
November 22, 2025 at 7:41 PM
So I just checked my bank account and it looks like I am getting everyone the thought that counts for Christmas
Taking the family to Lapland for Christmas. Was a bit surprised as they don’t usually let kids in those type of clubs.
November 22, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Taking the family to Lapland for Christmas. Was a bit surprised as they don’t usually let kids in those type of clubs.
I lost my job at the Yacht showroom today. HR said that I couldn't close a sale.
November 22, 2025 at 6:03 PM
I lost my job at the Yacht showroom today. HR said that I couldn't close a sale.
Walking past the pet shop yesterday I noticed a sign in the window saying “For sale, genuine Amsterdam Cat”.
Well I was wondering how true this was so I went in and asked the shop assistant “How Dutch is that moggie in the window?
Well I was wondering how true this was so I went in and asked the shop assistant “How Dutch is that moggie in the window?
November 22, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Walking past the pet shop yesterday I noticed a sign in the window saying “For sale, genuine Amsterdam Cat”.
Well I was wondering how true this was so I went in and asked the shop assistant “How Dutch is that moggie in the window?
Well I was wondering how true this was so I went in and asked the shop assistant “How Dutch is that moggie in the window?
A pessimist says, the glass is half-empty.
An Optimist says, the glass is half-full.
An alcoholic says, are you gonna finish that drink?
An Optimist says, the glass is half-full.
An alcoholic says, are you gonna finish that drink?
November 22, 2025 at 7:43 AM
A pessimist says, the glass is half-empty.
An Optimist says, the glass is half-full.
An alcoholic says, are you gonna finish that drink?
An Optimist says, the glass is half-full.
An alcoholic says, are you gonna finish that drink?
Sleep well, middle finger; you've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.
November 21, 2025 at 8:49 PM
Sleep well, middle finger; you've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.
"When will I see you again?"
"Baby I need your loving."
It's Three Degrees, Four Tops tonight...
"Baby I need your loving."
It's Three Degrees, Four Tops tonight...
November 21, 2025 at 6:30 PM
"When will I see you again?"
"Baby I need your loving."
It's Three Degrees, Four Tops tonight...
"Baby I need your loving."
It's Three Degrees, Four Tops tonight...
If you have had poorly fitted windows
installed.
You may be eligible to receive condensation…
installed.
You may be eligible to receive condensation…
November 21, 2025 at 4:58 PM
If you have had poorly fitted windows
installed.
You may be eligible to receive condensation…
installed.
You may be eligible to receive condensation…
Paused a film to make a cup of tea.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.
November 21, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Paused a film to make a cup of tea.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.
In my career as a lumberjack, I cut down exactly 82,546 trees. I know that, because I kept a log.
November 21, 2025 at 1:36 PM
In my career as a lumberjack, I cut down exactly 82,546 trees. I know that, because I kept a log.
I've decided to get in shape.
The shape will be "potato."
The shape will be "potato."
November 21, 2025 at 12:06 PM
I've decided to get in shape.
The shape will be "potato."
The shape will be "potato."
Police are investigating why the plaque on the wall outside the Colgate head office, keeps disappearing.....
November 21, 2025 at 7:19 AM
Police are investigating why the plaque on the wall outside the Colgate head office, keeps disappearing.....
My Wife’s just got into minimalism, she’s ordered 8 books on it.
November 20, 2025 at 8:07 PM
My Wife’s just got into minimalism, she’s ordered 8 books on it.
I was having a rough day before I found out that someone had ripped a few pages from both the front and back of my dictionary.
It just goes from bad to worse...
It just goes from bad to worse...
November 20, 2025 at 5:36 PM
I was having a rough day before I found out that someone had ripped a few pages from both the front and back of my dictionary.
It just goes from bad to worse...
It just goes from bad to worse...
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
November 20, 2025 at 3:24 PM
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
Scientists recently combined DNA of a cheetah with the DNA of a crab.
Things went sideways real fast.
Things went sideways real fast.
November 20, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Scientists recently combined DNA of a cheetah with the DNA of a crab.
Things went sideways real fast.
Things went sideways real fast.
Not so many advent calenders in the shops this year,
I think the days of the advent calender are numbered
I think the days of the advent calender are numbered
November 20, 2025 at 10:41 AM
Not so many advent calenders in the shops this year,
I think the days of the advent calender are numbered
I think the days of the advent calender are numbered
A Reform UK councillor has been suspended after admitting he was in a WhatsApp group where members called for "mass Islam genocide"
November 20, 2025 at 10:32 AM
A Reform UK councillor has been suspended after admitting he was in a WhatsApp group where members called for "mass Islam genocide"
So I said to the waitress: "What’s the duck like?”
She said "Like a chicken, but it can swim, but that’s not important right now”.
She said "Like a chicken, but it can swim, but that’s not important right now”.
November 20, 2025 at 10:20 AM
So I said to the waitress: "What’s the duck like?”
She said "Like a chicken, but it can swim, but that’s not important right now”.
She said "Like a chicken, but it can swim, but that’s not important right now”.
A friend said she did not understand cloning.
I told her that makes two of us.
I told her that makes two of us.
November 20, 2025 at 7:37 AM
A friend said she did not understand cloning.
I told her that makes two of us.
I told her that makes two of us.
I dropped my motor off for a service as it was running slow
The mechanic asked about my holiday
but I wasn't interested in small torque
The mechanic asked about my holiday
but I wasn't interested in small torque
November 19, 2025 at 8:11 PM
I dropped my motor off for a service as it was running slow
The mechanic asked about my holiday
but I wasn't interested in small torque
The mechanic asked about my holiday
but I wasn't interested in small torque
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
November 19, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
One spelling mistake can ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife "I'm having a great time. I wish you were her."
I accidentally texted my wife "I'm having a great time. I wish you were her."
November 19, 2025 at 6:00 PM
One spelling mistake can ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife "I'm having a great time. I wish you were her."
I accidentally texted my wife "I'm having a great time. I wish you were her."
I nearly got ran over by a Lenor lorry today.
I know it was Lenor because it was way too close for comfort.
I know it was Lenor because it was way too close for comfort.
November 19, 2025 at 3:48 PM
I nearly got ran over by a Lenor lorry today.
I know it was Lenor because it was way too close for comfort.
I know it was Lenor because it was way too close for comfort.