Just call me Les.
@lesmartin.bsky.social
Left leaning, anti Brexit, I will post rubbish jokes, you have been warned!
Jonathon Push Is attempting to buy the quaint village of Shuv and turn it into a giant supermarket.
He’s going to pay a visit but the villagers are ready for when Push comes to Shuv
He’s going to pay a visit but the villagers are ready for when Push comes to Shuv
February 20, 2026 at 4:58 PM
Jonathon Push Is attempting to buy the quaint village of Shuv and turn it into a giant supermarket.
He’s going to pay a visit but the villagers are ready for when Push comes to Shuv
He’s going to pay a visit but the villagers are ready for when Push comes to Shuv
So I said to the Librarian: "Do you have Great Expectations?"
She said: "I did, but ended up working in a library".
She said: "I did, but ended up working in a library".
February 20, 2026 at 3:36 PM
So I said to the Librarian: "Do you have Great Expectations?"
She said: "I did, but ended up working in a library".
She said: "I did, but ended up working in a library".
I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner instead of putting them in Tupperware and throwing them away a week later!
January 30, 2026 at 7:28 AM
I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner instead of putting them in Tupperware and throwing them away a week later!
Why is it that if you donate one kidney, people love you, but if you donate five kidneys, they call the police?
January 29, 2026 at 8:40 PM
Why is it that if you donate one kidney, people love you, but if you donate five kidneys, they call the police?
I've just bought a moblie phone from a Vicar....
It's pray as you go.
It's pray as you go.
January 21, 2026 at 7:10 PM
I've just bought a moblie phone from a Vicar....
It's pray as you go.
It's pray as you go.
I bought one of these 'smart' light switches, but it was too clever for me…
so I replaced it with a dimmer switch.
so I replaced it with a dimmer switch.
January 21, 2026 at 5:02 PM
I bought one of these 'smart' light switches, but it was too clever for me…
so I replaced it with a dimmer switch.
so I replaced it with a dimmer switch.
I’ve been thinking long and hard for a pun about coal mines; I had to dig deep for this one.
January 21, 2026 at 12:26 PM
I’ve been thinking long and hard for a pun about coal mines; I had to dig deep for this one.
We should just cancel April Fools this year.
Ain't no prank topping reality.
Ain't no prank topping reality.
January 21, 2026 at 7:19 AM
We should just cancel April Fools this year.
Ain't no prank topping reality.
Ain't no prank topping reality.
I got arrested at the local pool for wearing inappropriate swimwear
I now have to do a Speedo awareness course
I now have to do a Speedo awareness course
January 20, 2026 at 12:22 PM
I got arrested at the local pool for wearing inappropriate swimwear
I now have to do a Speedo awareness course
I now have to do a Speedo awareness course
I've got two boxes full of "How To Avoid Confrontation." Books.
Do you want some?
Do you want some?
January 20, 2026 at 7:38 AM
I've got two boxes full of "How To Avoid Confrontation." Books.
Do you want some?
Do you want some?
Someone stole my mood ring.
I don’t know how I feel about that.
I don’t know how I feel about that.
January 20, 2026 at 6:49 AM
Someone stole my mood ring.
I don’t know how I feel about that.
I don’t know how I feel about that.
Lost my job as an airline pilot, apparently I had a bad altitude
January 19, 2026 at 4:03 PM
Lost my job as an airline pilot, apparently I had a bad altitude
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
January 15, 2026 at 7:36 AM
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I woke this morning to an awful smell.
My alarm clock had gone off...
My alarm clock had gone off...
January 14, 2026 at 2:37 PM
I woke this morning to an awful smell.
My alarm clock had gone off...
My alarm clock had gone off...
Just finished Reading 📚 a interesting book called,'Fear of Sunlight', By Gladys Knight.
January 14, 2026 at 1:06 PM
Just finished Reading 📚 a interesting book called,'Fear of Sunlight', By Gladys Knight.
I was appalled when I found someone had used a photo of me on Grok
They'd asked it to put more clothes on
They'd asked it to put more clothes on
January 14, 2026 at 12:55 PM
I was appalled when I found someone had used a photo of me on Grok
They'd asked it to put more clothes on
They'd asked it to put more clothes on
My body: I'm going to bed.
My brain: That doesn't mean that you're going to sleep.
My brain: That doesn't mean that you're going to sleep.
January 13, 2026 at 1:31 PM
My body: I'm going to bed.
My brain: That doesn't mean that you're going to sleep.
My brain: That doesn't mean that you're going to sleep.
I've spent all day trying to put a new bin liner in my bin,but it kept saying, " No,No,No", it was a refuse sack!..
January 13, 2026 at 11:29 AM
I've spent all day trying to put a new bin liner in my bin,but it kept saying, " No,No,No", it was a refuse sack!..
I recently went to the World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine exhibit.
Honestly, not a big fan.
Honestly, not a big fan.
January 12, 2026 at 5:11 PM
I recently went to the World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine exhibit.
Honestly, not a big fan.
Honestly, not a big fan.
I took a long, hard look at myself this morning.
I won't be doing that again.
I won't be doing that again.
January 12, 2026 at 4:33 PM
I took a long, hard look at myself this morning.
I won't be doing that again.
I won't be doing that again.
Eskimo child: Mum what's for tea"?
Mum: "Vera Lynn".
Child: "Oh no not, Whale meat again".
Mum: "Vera Lynn".
Child: "Oh no not, Whale meat again".
January 12, 2026 at 3:15 PM
Eskimo child: Mum what's for tea"?
Mum: "Vera Lynn".
Child: "Oh no not, Whale meat again".
Mum: "Vera Lynn".
Child: "Oh no not, Whale meat again".
I've just bumped into my ex. She said she'll buy me a new phone if I made love to her just one more time. Just what sort of a man does she think I am?
Sent from my iPhone 17.
Sent from my iPhone 17.
January 12, 2026 at 3:14 PM
I've just bumped into my ex. She said she'll buy me a new phone if I made love to her just one more time. Just what sort of a man does she think I am?
Sent from my iPhone 17.
Sent from my iPhone 17.
I found out the guy in Waltzing Matilda is named Andy. It’s in the lyrics, “Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled. . . . “
January 12, 2026 at 11:29 AM
I found out the guy in Waltzing Matilda is named Andy. It’s in the lyrics, “Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled. . . . “
I finally caught the person at work who has been stealing my beetroot…
caught him red handed.
😏
caught him red handed.
😏
January 12, 2026 at 8:56 AM
I finally caught the person at work who has been stealing my beetroot…
caught him red handed.
😏
caught him red handed.
😏
I had to correct to my Geordie friends grammar when he was explaining what was wrong with his leg as a result of diabetes.
I said “ It is going green. “
I said “ It is going green. “
January 12, 2026 at 7:15 AM
I had to correct to my Geordie friends grammar when he was explaining what was wrong with his leg as a result of diabetes.
I said “ It is going green. “
I said “ It is going green. “