this is just how my life feels these days. not a hint of glamour to it. gritting my teeth and trying not to curse and just making it happen, because no one else is here to do it for me, or with me.

feels good to have it captured so well. =w=

and then i remembered the artwork of MYRMIDON, and saw that comms were open, and made my decision right then.

so yeah, this is me, more or less - i'm not quite that fuzzy irl. but i do my injections alone, sometimes by monitor-light, and yes, there's an empty monster can on my desk right now.

so after one really bad injection experience that made me reconsider if this was what i wanted to do from now on (i do), i wanted some art as a kind of motivator. again, not the usual clean and polished style, but something True and Real that i could connect to emotionally and go 'yeah that's me'.

everything i'm doing takes so much effort. it all goes in the face of what i'm 'wanted' or 'expected' to do by most other people outside my circle of close friends. it wears me down to swim against the current like this when i've been drifting along with it all this time.

but it's that important.

when i was pondering the commission, i had in mind something besides the usual clean and pretty stuff i get. something to really symbolize the struggle that this process has been and continues to be.

most of my life has been taking the path of least resistance. this is the opposite of that.

it's perfect, thank you

i give my girls trauma so they can work it out in my place. this is probably healthy.

i have a friend who's exceptionally weak to dashing lady knights and i promise your art is very well received =w=

also it's great to have you back again!

i'm not really up to talking about the larger miseries, especially today, outside my inner circle. i hope those of you in need have a friend you can lean on, or maybe a therapist. ideally both, since both are important in different ways.