think it'd be best to go to bed early and get some extra sleep

it makes me feel gross how my own brain is preventing me from being upset and angry towards all of this
it's just making me feel that way towards myself and is trying to blame myself for everything
it's not my fault. my boundaries being disrespected isn't my fault. it isn't

one of these days i will be able to get myself cute overall dresses
and then i will be one step closer to reaching my full power

despite how bad today was, i did make some good soup, and i watched a fun movie this evening
so there's thankfully still been some good stuff today
ending the day on a good note

really bad day today
really, really, really bad day

feels. very scary putting a lot of effort into trying to speak, physically feeling like you're trying to shout despite just trying to say a single word, and just... nothing coming out. feeling like something has its claws in your throat, holding your words down

i really love the holidays and watching christmas movies, but i don't wanna watch christmas movies by myself, y'know? that'd just feel... wrong

i really. need to actually go to sleep

like you know when your brain kinda turns off and you miss a turn or something, and you end up being confused? i have that feeling of confusion over this

i really wish i could stay underneath blankets and not have to do anything
i dont. want to keep pushing myself to keep going forward
im so tired
i dont want to be looked at
i dont want to be near anyone

thank you... you're also a wonderful friend and i'm glad to have met you as well 🫂

idk if any of this is really coherent but i just needed to get some thoughts that have been going around in my out because of how things have just. been really hectic and i've been panicking so much
i have high hopes of things improving soon. it feels like they will. but i'm just really scared rn

i think that ultimately all of these feelings are really tied to me being afraid of losing those that i care about in my life through upsetting and disappointing them
all i want is to make others happy, and. the thought of doing something that's the opposite of that really makes me feel awful