[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police]
"why isn't he wearing a shirt"
we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote

honestly if i was santa i would tell that lady from the santa baby song to go fuck herself

*having stared at a magic eye picture for 22 years* “I think it’s a dolphin. Let’s go watch shrek at the cinema”

the single drop of dr bronners peppermint soap that is bound for your urethra

At least within capitalism there are weekends that are set aside just for REST and RELAXATION **spends two full days doing laundry, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, meal prepping, repairing a sprinkler, touching up the paint on chipped wall, washing the dog, moving the furniture to hoover, gardeni

Tom and Jerry are setting off bombs and contraptions to get each other’s asses and the lady who lives there just carries on doing the dishes

if you think about it men are just tall baby boys.they get mad when they are hungry or tired or their tummies hurt. they just know more swearwords

If Batman was a Santa, would he wear his hat like this, or like this

Sharing this beautiful moment with my new friends 🙏