idk… it just upsets me because
1) i wouldn’t have to get a SCS at my age if dr’s actually took pa!n patients seriously (& didn’t view them all as drvg addicts)
2) my insurance is trying their BEST to NOT approve my surgery rn… & they may get their wish… if they do? i’m fucked…
i NEED help!

the sp!ne surgery i’m getting is a spinal cord stimulator (SCS). it’s an implant that blocks pain signals from my spine to my brain… every medical professional i’ve seen is SHOCKED that i need a SCS at my age. yeah! maybe because no one will prescribe pa!n meds! so this is the only option i have!

i’ve been in SO MUCH pain these last few days (thankfully, i take my Hum!ra injection tomorrow). but if i had access to pa!n meds? i wouldn’t have to suffer through days of extreme pain before taking my injection… AND i *probably* wouldn’t need spine surgery either 😀🔫 but no! no pa!n meds for me!

my gofundme and my tiktok! if you’re seriously down to share my stuff? i’ll send you the links! i, myself, am just too exhausted & tired to keep fighting… but i appreciate you SO MUCH!!!

see! you get it!

i don’t know any rich folks besides celebrities (actors & actresses, musicians & such). plus, my memory is so bad now that i struggle to connect faces & names.
& my fav “celebs”? i don’t want them to block me for “begging” before i go. ya know?
but hey! if you wanna tag rich folks, please do so! 🩵

i COMPLETELY understand that some able-bodied people can’t afford / pay for the care they need… which is absolutely heartbreaking 💔 & i empathize bc i’m poor asf myself.
but when able-bodied folks are fortunate enough to afford / pay for proper care & treatment, but refuse it?!? FUCK YOU.

but last night when i was SOBER & laughing to the same stuff, it was fine? & i understand… my mom used to be a FULL blown alcoholic… but we BOTH planned on drinking tonight, she REQUESTED i stay IN the bedroom (despite me watching videos & laughing bc it makes her feel safe) but NOW it’s a problem…

and my mom ASKED me to stay in the bedroom with her, as i watch my videos, so she feels more safe! like… i haven’t drank “too much” tonight. i’m just watching funny content, which is making me laugh (& she said, “even if you laugh, i’ll fall asleep.”) but now it’s a problem? because i’m drinking?

but THEN she said, me giggling so much (at the COMEDY / funny content creators i’m watching) concerns her because of how much i drank… like… god forbid i laugh at FUNNY videos / content!!! i’m currently catching up on “sinjin drowning” videos. those siblings make me LAUGH!!! drunk OR sober!

well, as she’s going to sleep she says “i’m worried about how much you’re drinking.” oh?
1) you bought a 30-pack of beer just for me! (she doesn’t drink beer)
2) she wanted me to stay in her room (as i watch funny videos & LAUGH) because it makes her feel safe.

but aye! i’m glad i get some recognition for something i’m good at! even if that’s just being a moderator for YouTube livestreams LOL

being disabled, unable to work, mentally ill, and poor really takes a toll on me… but i’m a good moderator apparently! so i’ll take it! 🫡

& she insulted my age despite the youtuber himself being a year younger than me?
in reply to that comment specifically, he said “yeah no. FUCK that.” 🤣
also after our long conversation, he told me “you’re the only mod that understands everything I swear 🙏”
maybe bc i actually read the mod rules LOL

if you’re hired to be a mod for one of the MOST popular youtubers in that specific niche? you have to act right… & the mod i got fired?!? it was JUSTIFIED! she was a MESS & said shit like “not my fault people can’t handle my attitude.” HELLO?!? you’re a mod! you’re supposed to be a professional!