It worked, thank you so very much!! 💖

It's all so cute! 💖

And now she's literally pantomimed dancing and saying, "I'm free!" in reference to us splitting. I feel so fucking unlovable.

I've lost the person who knew me best. Who do I turn to when I need to be assured that I'm worth anything? It always meant the most from her when she lifted me up, because she knew even the ugly parts of me that literally no one else knew.

and none of it was enough, because I realized she'd been manipulating and emotionally abusing me for the last 10 years in which we took a step further to have a romantic relationship. I absolutely cannot fathom ever trusting someone enough to give even a fraction of that effort again.

I learned all of her insecurities and worked hard to break them down with her so that she could flourish; I defended her when other people talked shit about her, from friends AND family; I stepped out of my comfort zone to try new things in hopes of meeting her expectations;

I took care of her when she had a complete mental break down; I stuck by her through her self-harming and suicide attempt; I slept on her floor *multiple* times to care for her after several intense surgeries;

And of course, I don't think I will ever trust someone enough to give a real relationship a shot ever again. My childhood best friend of 25 years decided she's done with me.

I'm never gonna be able to own a pet. My favorite, a cat? Nope! I'm allergic, so even life with Mom's cats is going to be a wheezy hell of constant hand-washing. A rabbit? Fuck no, I'm totally incapable of remembering all the things I'd need to do to give a rabbit a good life, AND they're expensive.

Trying to live on $900 a month in Massachusetts is fucking hell.
I'll never be able to save up enough money to both afford to move out of my Mom's home AND have a safety deposit for a new apartment. Unless I win the lottery, I'm totally fucked.

It'slikely that once I've moved, Social Security will cut back on how much money I'm given to live on per month, and that's going to be such a fucking huge struggle when I'm already drowning in debts I can't pay. And that was true BEFORE Trump cut funding.

I'm moving back in with my Mom, which isn't a problem in itself, but then there's her two long-haired cats that I'm very allergic to. Like, VERY allergic.

I have all these plans for art I want to make once I'm finally out of this situation, but there are *dozens* of failed or abandoned projects that set a precedent of me giving up when I realize how shitty I am at said craft.

Aaaaand now I'm spiraling on the probability of dying alone and unfulfilled. 🙃