Kieran
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Kieran
@kieranl.bsky.social
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Official Statement For Immediate Release On the evening of August 30, 2025, in New Hampshire, Mayor Giuliani was returning home from his weekly Saturday night dinner at Denny's. The Mayor had his usual order of Choconana Pancake Slam® with boysenberry syrup. Denny's had been out of boysenberry syrup for several months due to supply chain issues outside of its control and as such the Mayor had brought his own pitcher of homemade boysenberry syrup. However, this was not necessary as boysenberry syrup-and fan favorites blueberry, strawberry, and butter pecan —are now back at all 1,500 Denny's locations. While operating his vehicle, Mayor Giuliani noticed a drop of Denny's boysenberry syrup had fallen on his shoe at some point during his meal, which was under $20 even with a tip. Understandably, the Mayor did not want to let the unbeatable taste of authentic Denny's syrup go to waste after so long an absence and attempted to lean down to suck his shoe. After several subsequent collisions with other vehicles, Mayor Giuliani pulled over to the side of the road, exited his vehicle, and rolled onto his back in an attempt to better suck his own foot. At this time we believe the Mayor's violent thrashing during these repeated failed attempts resulted in numerous injuries. He was transported to a nearby trauma center, where he was diagnosed with severe diarrhea. There is no reason to believe this was as a result of the quality of his Denny's experience, but rather the Mayor's high level of physical activity so soon after eating. At this time, no further updates are available. This is the only statement authorized by Mayor Giuliani. Signed, Michael Ragu Chief Flavor Officer, Denny's USA
August 31, 2025 at 9:01 PM
kieranl.bsky.social
I'm still writing "living UHC CEO Brian Thompson" on all my checks
January 2, 2025 at 2:25 AM