Canuck Kewpiepants
@kewpiepants.bsky.social
An autistic and ADHD queer dual Brit Canadian writer with an autoimmune disease, a split brain, and a cheese fetish. I don’t do hugs. Unless you have cheese. Then I’ll consider it. Is it good cheese?
This post is not about trains.
April 23, 2025 at 7:49 PM
This post is not about trains.
From the April 5 Toronto Star.
Best. Headline. Ever.
(Link in comments)
Best. Headline. Ever.
(Link in comments)
April 8, 2025 at 5:08 PM
From the April 5 Toronto Star.
Best. Headline. Ever.
(Link in comments)
Best. Headline. Ever.
(Link in comments)
Yesterday, on Liberation Day, America’s Great Overripe Cantaloupe Leader imposed a 10% tariff on an Antarctic island chain populated entirely by penguins.
No, I am no joking. Yes, it’s real.
1/2
No, I am no joking. Yes, it’s real.
1/2
April 3, 2025 at 12:59 PM
Yesterday, on Liberation Day, America’s Great Overripe Cantaloupe Leader imposed a 10% tariff on an Antarctic island chain populated entirely by penguins.
No, I am no joking. Yes, it’s real.
1/2
No, I am no joking. Yes, it’s real.
1/2
And boy, was it a look.
February 11, 2025 at 11:52 PM
And boy, was it a look.
I even published a sonnet about it many years ago, because I’m super cool and with it and that’s not geeky at all.
February 3, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I even published a sonnet about it many years ago, because I’m super cool and with it and that’s not geeky at all.
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 7:
COVID has broken the bonds of time.
I have aged a thousand years.
My face bloats and wrinkles.
There is only endless life trapped in the black hole of COVID.
Also, I think this is actually Day 8. What the hell was I doing for a day that I can’t even remember??
COVID has broken the bonds of time.
I have aged a thousand years.
My face bloats and wrinkles.
There is only endless life trapped in the black hole of COVID.
Also, I think this is actually Day 8. What the hell was I doing for a day that I can’t even remember??
December 8, 2024 at 11:14 AM
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 7:
COVID has broken the bonds of time.
I have aged a thousand years.
My face bloats and wrinkles.
There is only endless life trapped in the black hole of COVID.
Also, I think this is actually Day 8. What the hell was I doing for a day that I can’t even remember??
COVID has broken the bonds of time.
I have aged a thousand years.
My face bloats and wrinkles.
There is only endless life trapped in the black hole of COVID.
Also, I think this is actually Day 8. What the hell was I doing for a day that I can’t even remember??
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 6:
What is me?
Is me me?
Is that soup? What is soup?
Is brain fog soup?
Soup not braining. Brain is souping.
Braaaaaaaiiiiiinsssss…
What is me?
Is me me?
Is that soup? What is soup?
Is brain fog soup?
Soup not braining. Brain is souping.
Braaaaaaaiiiiiinsssss…
December 6, 2024 at 10:22 PM
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 6:
What is me?
Is me me?
Is that soup? What is soup?
Is brain fog soup?
Soup not braining. Brain is souping.
Braaaaaaaiiiiiinsssss…
What is me?
Is me me?
Is that soup? What is soup?
Is brain fog soup?
Soup not braining. Brain is souping.
Braaaaaaaiiiiiinsssss…
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 5:
My body is a goopy noodle.
I have no muscles, and no bones.
My life consists entirely of wooziness, coughing, and sleep.
Cough sleep sleep cough sleep wooze sleep cough sleep sleep sleep cough wooze sleep sleep cough sleep sleep wooze cough sleep cough sleeeeeeeeep
My body is a goopy noodle.
I have no muscles, and no bones.
My life consists entirely of wooziness, coughing, and sleep.
Cough sleep sleep cough sleep wooze sleep cough sleep sleep sleep cough wooze sleep sleep cough sleep sleep wooze cough sleep cough sleeeeeeeeep
December 5, 2024 at 11:04 PM
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 5:
My body is a goopy noodle.
I have no muscles, and no bones.
My life consists entirely of wooziness, coughing, and sleep.
Cough sleep sleep cough sleep wooze sleep cough sleep sleep sleep cough wooze sleep sleep cough sleep sleep wooze cough sleep cough sleeeeeeeeep
My body is a goopy noodle.
I have no muscles, and no bones.
My life consists entirely of wooziness, coughing, and sleep.
Cough sleep sleep cough sleep wooze sleep cough sleep sleep sleep cough wooze sleep sleep cough sleep sleep wooze cough sleep cough sleeeeeeeeep
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 4:
I have coughed myself into a bladder control commercial.
My perspiration glands felt excluded from this fun
My only 2 hours of sleep were drenched in a cold sweat.
My pillowcase and mattress cover are soaked.
It’s definitely laundry day.
And possibly diaper day.
I have coughed myself into a bladder control commercial.
My perspiration glands felt excluded from this fun
My only 2 hours of sleep were drenched in a cold sweat.
My pillowcase and mattress cover are soaked.
It’s definitely laundry day.
And possibly diaper day.
December 4, 2024 at 3:26 PM
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 4:
I have coughed myself into a bladder control commercial.
My perspiration glands felt excluded from this fun
My only 2 hours of sleep were drenched in a cold sweat.
My pillowcase and mattress cover are soaked.
It’s definitely laundry day.
And possibly diaper day.
I have coughed myself into a bladder control commercial.
My perspiration glands felt excluded from this fun
My only 2 hours of sleep were drenched in a cold sweat.
My pillowcase and mattress cover are soaked.
It’s definitely laundry day.
And possibly diaper day.
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 3:
My nose has become the Blair Witch of my face.
Prickly pears are blooming in my sinuses.
If I was as productive as my mucus membranes are right now, I would be a superstar.
Food is the devil.
But wait: now I have severe hunger pangs!
Joy to the fucking world.
My nose has become the Blair Witch of my face.
Prickly pears are blooming in my sinuses.
If I was as productive as my mucus membranes are right now, I would be a superstar.
Food is the devil.
But wait: now I have severe hunger pangs!
Joy to the fucking world.
December 3, 2024 at 3:56 PM
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 3:
My nose has become the Blair Witch of my face.
Prickly pears are blooming in my sinuses.
If I was as productive as my mucus membranes are right now, I would be a superstar.
Food is the devil.
But wait: now I have severe hunger pangs!
Joy to the fucking world.
My nose has become the Blair Witch of my face.
Prickly pears are blooming in my sinuses.
If I was as productive as my mucus membranes are right now, I would be a superstar.
Food is the devil.
But wait: now I have severe hunger pangs!
Joy to the fucking world.
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 2:
No body should produce this much phlegm.
I have swallowed shards of glass.
A rabid weasel is gnawing on my joints.
There is no sleep, only Zool.
Ooh, pretty lights.
No body should produce this much phlegm.
I have swallowed shards of glass.
A rabid weasel is gnawing on my joints.
There is no sleep, only Zool.
Ooh, pretty lights.
December 3, 2024 at 1:08 AM
The Seven Levels of COVID, Day 2:
No body should produce this much phlegm.
I have swallowed shards of glass.
A rabid weasel is gnawing on my joints.
There is no sleep, only Zool.
Ooh, pretty lights.
No body should produce this much phlegm.
I have swallowed shards of glass.
A rabid weasel is gnawing on my joints.
There is no sleep, only Zool.
Ooh, pretty lights.
I am all for boosting the bugs of days tradition. Bugs of all ilks, Hemiptera or otherwise, aren’t appreciated nearly enough for their bizarre awesomeness. Like the Venezuelan Poodle Moth. Because awwwww.
November 20, 2024 at 1:00 AM
I am all for boosting the bugs of days tradition. Bugs of all ilks, Hemiptera or otherwise, aren’t appreciated nearly enough for their bizarre awesomeness. Like the Venezuelan Poodle Moth. Because awwwww.
Asking for a frien— for me. Asking for me.
November 18, 2024 at 4:30 PM
Asking for a frien— for me. Asking for me.
That’s the way it should be. We celebrate Kitschmas in our household. There is much nog, many muppets (not all of which are on screen), and the tree goes up after the first snowfall, comes down on April Fool’s, and is decorated with items like this: sparkly sexy bikini starfish!
November 16, 2024 at 5:49 PM
That’s the way it should be. We celebrate Kitschmas in our household. There is much nog, many muppets (not all of which are on screen), and the tree goes up after the first snowfall, comes down on April Fool’s, and is decorated with items like this: sparkly sexy bikini starfish!