Kevin Delano
@kevindelano.bsky.social
Actor & Comedian in Brooklyn, NY
Reposted by Kevin Delano
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Most important part of any new AI assistant: dumbass name
September 29, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Most important part of any new AI assistant: dumbass name
My parents are retired, which means their job is to let me know which type of animal is near the house.
September 29, 2025 at 3:20 AM
My parents are retired, which means their job is to let me know which type of animal is near the house.
I stopped using Zyn 5 days ago, according to my watch my resting heart rate is down 9 bpm. Scary… that’s closer zero.
September 23, 2025 at 4:47 PM
I stopped using Zyn 5 days ago, according to my watch my resting heart rate is down 9 bpm. Scary… that’s closer zero.
Reposted by Kevin Delano
Report: U.S. Still Leads World With Highest Density Of Kevins https://theonion.com/report-u-s-still-leads-world-with-highest-density-of-1819576406/
September 22, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Report: U.S. Still Leads World With Highest Density Of Kevins https://theonion.com/report-u-s-still-leads-world-with-highest-density-of-1819576406/
Coffee shop this morning had an 8 cent tariff attached to the transaction. Fair enough but like, you’re the one place I deal with stuff before I have coffee. Just tell me after.
September 22, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Coffee shop this morning had an 8 cent tariff attached to the transaction. Fair enough but like, you’re the one place I deal with stuff before I have coffee. Just tell me after.
A friend thought a pic I took of a bee was AI generated and idk if I should take it as a compliment or another sign of bad bad world.
September 16, 2025 at 3:48 PM
A friend thought a pic I took of a bee was AI generated and idk if I should take it as a compliment or another sign of bad bad world.
Found one dirty sock after getting back from the laundromat. The void cares not what it inflicts.
June 25, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Found one dirty sock after getting back from the laundromat. The void cares not what it inflicts.
Sorry I was late, other people were in an online argument and I had to read it all.
February 12, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Sorry I was late, other people were in an online argument and I had to read it all.
It’s illegal to set up an AI to do your call center job but no rules about pretending to be an AI on the phone.
February 10, 2025 at 9:22 PM
It’s illegal to set up an AI to do your call center job but no rules about pretending to be an AI on the phone.
Gonna start calling Haribo NA gummies.
January 25, 2025 at 2:26 AM
Gonna start calling Haribo NA gummies.
Reposted by Kevin Delano
In these trying times, please enjoy this sketch from 15 Minutes Away's November show, with me, John Xavier Miller, Sarah Miles and Ann Marie Yoo, written by @kevindelano.bsky.social - "Cards for Humanity"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEx7...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEx7...
Cards for Humanity | 15 Minutes Away
YouTube video by 15 Minutes Away
www.youtube.com
December 28, 2024 at 11:07 PM
In these trying times, please enjoy this sketch from 15 Minutes Away's November show, with me, John Xavier Miller, Sarah Miles and Ann Marie Yoo, written by @kevindelano.bsky.social - "Cards for Humanity"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEx7...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEx7...
I know I’m in my 30’s because the thought I just had while boarding this older model A train was “ooh, the older model A train!”
October 18, 2024 at 8:18 PM
I know I’m in my 30’s because the thought I just had while boarding this older model A train was “ooh, the older model A train!”
Ahh, finally a day off to catch up on all the worrying.
October 18, 2024 at 2:31 AM
Ahh, finally a day off to catch up on all the worrying.
Reposted by Kevin Delano
Please enjoy this sketch I wrote for 15 Minutes Away's most recent show, I'm quite proud of it - TW: dementia (possibly partially based on some recent event in my life...) With me, @kevindelano.bsky.social, and Erin Richardson.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVGV...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVGV...
Visiting Grandpa | 15 Minutes Away
YouTube video by 15 Minutes Away
www.youtube.com
August 9, 2024 at 8:58 PM
Please enjoy this sketch I wrote for 15 Minutes Away's most recent show, I'm quite proud of it - TW: dementia (possibly partially based on some recent event in my life...) With me, @kevindelano.bsky.social, and Erin Richardson.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVGV...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVGV...
My whole apartment is shaking with the number of group chat notifications going off right now.
April 5, 2024 at 2:36 PM
My whole apartment is shaking with the number of group chat notifications going off right now.
Moved to a new neighborhood, learning April Fools Day makes the Buy Nothing group useless.
April 1, 2024 at 6:53 PM
Moved to a new neighborhood, learning April Fools Day makes the Buy Nothing group useless.
Reposted by Kevin Delano
today's antidote to impostor syndrome: you almost certainly could make better decisions than television executives
Sources: NBC News plans to drop Ronna McDaniel as a paid contributor following on-air revolt from NBC/MSNBC talent; McDaniel is seeking legal representation (Dylan Byers/@dylanbyers)
Main Link | Mediagazer Permalink
Main Link | Mediagazer Permalink
March 26, 2024 at 5:22 PM
today's antidote to impostor syndrome: you almost certainly could make better decisions than television executives
Anytime I add a Facebook friend it’s like, guess we’re still doing this.
March 25, 2024 at 4:58 PM
Anytime I add a Facebook friend it’s like, guess we’re still doing this.
Sometimes at my e-mail job I’ll save an e-mail with a compliment in it. My comfort e-mail.
March 18, 2024 at 3:46 PM
Sometimes at my e-mail job I’ll save an e-mail with a compliment in it. My comfort e-mail.
TIL asbestos was still being used until… today.
Breaking news: The United States bans most common form of cancer-causing asbestos, ending new uses of a deadly mineral after 30 years of attempts.
Toxic asbestos is now fully banned, a move that EPA calls ‘historic’
Environmental Protection Agency bans chrysotile asbestos, the only form of the cancer-causing mineral that the U.S. still imports and uses in new products.
www.washingtonpost.com
March 18, 2024 at 3:43 PM
TIL asbestos was still being used until… today.
Daylight savings, a day where all cats feel vindicated about what time they should eat.
March 10, 2024 at 1:36 PM
Daylight savings, a day where all cats feel vindicated about what time they should eat.
Reposted by Kevin Delano
So wait, the story the NY state Dems are telling us is the subways of NYC are so dangerous they need to send in the troops, but they’re *not* firing the police chief or cops who are unable to keep them safe with $5.44 billion?
March 7, 2024 at 3:09 PM
So wait, the story the NY state Dems are telling us is the subways of NYC are so dangerous they need to send in the troops, but they’re *not* firing the police chief or cops who are unable to keep them safe with $5.44 billion?
Sounds like the National Guard troops sent to NYC are about to get really good at candy crush.
March 7, 2024 at 6:00 PM
Sounds like the National Guard troops sent to NYC are about to get really good at candy crush.
I was thinking about where the new dispensary is in downtown Brooklyn when I walked by a digital ad for the dispensary in downtown Brooklyn. Are our phones talking to those ads too now?
March 1, 2024 at 12:21 AM
I was thinking about where the new dispensary is in downtown Brooklyn when I walked by a digital ad for the dispensary in downtown Brooklyn. Are our phones talking to those ads too now?