I am once again imagining Donald Trump saying “dia de los muertos”

NZ men’s rugby: All Blacks
NZ women’s rugby: Black Ferns
NZ men’s cricket: Black Caps

-My proposal-
NZ gymnastics: Black Flips

Biden has six months to get all of his “last term as president goofing” initiatives through. It’s like he was coasting through junior year then the counselor reveals he has enough credits to graduate in five weeks. Let’s get some senior pranks put into law.

“Time to chill out and watch some Purdue Basketball” he said, blood pressure turning his fingernails purple

Guaranteed voter approved policy: gapless bathroom stalls. Big “vacant/occupied” indicator. Floor to ceiling walls and doors. Insulation to keep the sound of our poop ruckus to ourselves.

Guaranteed voter approved policy: if your taxes, at any level, support an NFL stadium, you get free RedZone.

New to edibles? Here’s my advice: remember 1-2-3

1: Digits (in mg) of THC you should eat, meaning 9mg max. Don’t know the potency? Don’t take it!

2: Hours it could take before you feel anything. Rarely more.

3: Hours you should plan on being high once you feel it. Sometimes more. No driving!

There should be a government program to turn failed stand up comedians into high school teachers. They’re already creative, entertaining, and observant. Familiar with poverty. Zero self esteem so they cannot be owned by teens. Don’t need to worry about getting depression, they already have it.