Never should they ever. Summer should be fun! Danielle and Hannah? Not fun. (Too much hater energy)

This Phaedra clip hits every time, but this time? GLORIOUS.

- showed up drunk made me salsa dance on fremont street, moaned like a woman, wore unsexy briefs, terrible in bed

- invited me over & put on his thesis film where people dressed up like cats in a giant litter box in a field in indiana. disappeared & called later to tell me he fell asleep outside.

- found out his “ex” is actually his gf of 6+ years. he atoned for his cheating proposing couples counseling + getting married in 2 months at the taco bell cantina.

- found out the “mother of his child” concocted an elaborate lie about the pregnancy & working for the head of marvel studios

- in an open relationship, but gf was only okay with us hooking up if she could watch + he wanted me to pee on him because it “tastes like cheerios”

- didn’t like me drinking when i turned 21, talking to other guys, hanging out with friends. deeply insecure that i’m funnier/convinced he was balding

here are a few favs:

- dumped me for his mom

- straight white man “too upset” about trump winning being re-elected to go on a date. says dems “need to radicalize NOW”
(my brother in christ, in the last 8 years this is just NOW occurring to you?)

- would rather get drunk and argue with ex-gf

my new hobby is coming up with log lines for the reasons why things didn’t work out. it’s been a real treat to amuse myself with how unbelievably stupid the reasons for these idiots fumbling the bag are.