Kalina Staltari
@kalinastar.bsky.social
Pronounced Kálina.
Trans woman with autism and ADHD. I like writing and art and creativity in general. I don't like genocide. Trying to connect with people like me.
Unwilling subject of the US, but stuck here trying to make the best of it while I can.
Trans woman with autism and ADHD. I like writing and art and creativity in general. I don't like genocide. Trying to connect with people like me.
Unwilling subject of the US, but stuck here trying to make the best of it while I can.
Presumably, I shouldn't need to clarify that in cases where I inferred incorrectly, I am not accusing you of having intentionally implied what I inferred. I am clarifying anyway. I haven't read much of the rest of this discussion (and can't now) but I get the sense it is/was a combative discourse.
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
Presumably, I shouldn't need to clarify that in cases where I inferred incorrectly, I am not accusing you of having intentionally implied what I inferred. I am clarifying anyway. I haven't read much of the rest of this discussion (and can't now) but I get the sense it is/was a combative discourse.
4. Again, I infer that you mean to imply that all allistics require us to mask or perform their communication styles in order to feel respected. You may know individuals for whom this implication applies but it does not apply to allistics broadly nor necessarily.
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
4. Again, I infer that you mean to imply that all allistics require us to mask or perform their communication styles in order to feel respected. You may know individuals for whom this implication applies but it does not apply to allistics broadly nor necessarily.
3. Don't engage with people who dehumanize you. That said, if I infer correctly that you mean to imply allistic people necessarily dehumanize you just by existing while allistic, that's incoherent and bigoted. Allistic culture is flawed but to essentialize that to the neurotype itself is irrational.
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
3. Don't engage with people who dehumanize you. That said, if I infer correctly that you mean to imply allistic people necessarily dehumanize you just by existing while allistic, that's incoherent and bigoted. Allistic culture is flawed but to essentialize that to the neurotype itself is irrational.
2. "It's allistic people who need to learn how to communicate with autistic people" - Both groups benefit from learning to communicate with the other. Neither should need to as a prerequisite for decent and dignified treatment by the other.
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
2. "It's allistic people who need to learn how to communicate with autistic people" - Both groups benefit from learning to communicate with the other. Neither should need to as a prerequisite for decent and dignified treatment by the other.
As to your other assertions -
1. "it's entirely impossible for an autistic person to communicate like an allistic person does" - False, and honestly absurd unless you intend it as hyberbole. Many of us can communicate like allistics. It takes effort and we should not need to, but we can.
1. "it's entirely impossible for an autistic person to communicate like an allistic person does" - False, and honestly absurd unless you intend it as hyberbole. Many of us can communicate like allistics. It takes effort and we should not need to, but we can.
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
As to your other assertions -
1. "it's entirely impossible for an autistic person to communicate like an allistic person does" - False, and honestly absurd unless you intend it as hyberbole. Many of us can communicate like allistics. It takes effort and we should not need to, but we can.
1. "it's entirely impossible for an autistic person to communicate like an allistic person does" - False, and honestly absurd unless you intend it as hyberbole. Many of us can communicate like allistics. It takes effort and we should not need to, but we can.
And follow-up research published a couple months ago:
www.nature.com/articles/s41...
This newer research (sorta) contrasted the earlier research in that mixed neurotype chains communicated about as well as single neurotype chains, possibly due to a more diverse test population.
www.nature.com/articles/s41...
This newer research (sorta) contrasted the earlier research in that mixed neurotype chains communicated about as well as single neurotype chains, possibly due to a more diverse test population.
Information transfer within and between autistic and non-autistic people - Nature Human Behaviour
In this Registered Report, Crompton et al. examine how information is shared by autistic and non-autistic people and find that both perform comparably well. However, rapport is higher with others of t...
www.nature.com
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
And follow-up research published a couple months ago:
www.nature.com/articles/s41...
This newer research (sorta) contrasted the earlier research in that mixed neurotype chains communicated about as well as single neurotype chains, possibly due to a more diverse test population.
www.nature.com/articles/s41...
This newer research (sorta) contrasted the earlier research in that mixed neurotype chains communicated about as well as single neurotype chains, possibly due to a more diverse test population.
Although I'm sure many of us have experience to match this data, here is (rather famous, at this point) research demonstrating this fact:
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC...
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC...
Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective
Effective information transfer requires social communication skills. As autism is clinically defined by social communication deficits, it may be expected that information transfer between autistic peo...
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
Although I'm sure many of us have experience to match this data, here is (rather famous, at this point) research demonstrating this fact:
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC...
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC...
In the context of both the original post and to my prior responses, accusing my phrasing of being vague comes across to me as performative. However, if it's genuine, what I meant was that allistic conversational patterns require learning. We are not, however, naturally incompetent at conversation.
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
In the context of both the original post and to my prior responses, accusing my phrasing of being vague comes across to me as performative. However, if it's genuine, what I meant was that allistic conversational patterns require learning. We are not, however, naturally incompetent at conversation.
I seem to have been blocked by the original poster for some reason so I can't remember the specific phrasing I was responding to, but I was disagreeing with the assertion that we need to "learn to have a conversation" given that we already have functional conversations entirely naturally.
July 12, 2025 at 2:22 AM
I seem to have been blocked by the original poster for some reason so I can't remember the specific phrasing I was responding to, but I was disagreeing with the assertion that we need to "learn to have a conversation" given that we already have functional conversations entirely naturally.
Also, any trouble I have focusing on them after I've been talking about my interests in depth is just like any other attention-switching friction. DON'T be afraid to ask them to repeat themselves if you missed something, they usually don't mind and actually appreciate the effort, just like we do.
July 11, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Also, any trouble I have focusing on them after I've been talking about my interests in depth is just like any other attention-switching friction. DON'T be afraid to ask them to repeat themselves if you missed something, they usually don't mind and actually appreciate the effort, just like we do.
I know others have structured routines for learning how to practice speaking to allistics. For me, it's all about reminding myself: the other person is almost certainly as interesting to me as whatever I else want to talk about might be, but they need it teased out of them.
July 11, 2025 at 11:16 PM
I know others have structured routines for learning how to practice speaking to allistics. For me, it's all about reminding myself: the other person is almost certainly as interesting to me as whatever I else want to talk about might be, but they need it teased out of them.
I know I'm implicitly disagreeing a bit with the premise here, but the problem isn't learning how to have a conversation, it's how to have an allistic conversation. It's worth doing, too. Allistics are usually way more interesting than they (sadly) often seem to us, if we ask the right questions.
July 11, 2025 at 11:16 PM
I know I'm implicitly disagreeing a bit with the premise here, but the problem isn't learning how to have a conversation, it's how to have an allistic conversation. It's worth doing, too. Allistics are usually way more interesting than they (sadly) often seem to us, if we ask the right questions.
If you think you're bad at / don't pick up on / don't communicate social queues, you're wrong. Make autistic friends and pay analytical attention to your conversations. You'll start noticing queues everywhere that you're both picking up on and sending out. The problem is a mismatch of instincts.
July 11, 2025 at 11:16 PM
If you think you're bad at / don't pick up on / don't communicate social queues, you're wrong. Make autistic friends and pay analytical attention to your conversations. You'll start noticing queues everywhere that you're both picking up on and sending out. The problem is a mismatch of instincts.
I... OK. So. You have to explicitly ask allistics to talk about themselves and their interests, and what their opinions are. They will NOT pick up on autistic queues that we naturally prompt each other with. Also they WILL send out those queues all the time, but they don't know they're doing it.
July 11, 2025 at 11:16 PM
I... OK. So. You have to explicitly ask allistics to talk about themselves and their interests, and what their opinions are. They will NOT pick up on autistic queues that we naturally prompt each other with. Also they WILL send out those queues all the time, but they don't know they're doing it.
In which case, task accomplished, unless I also misinterpreted the call to action here.
July 11, 2025 at 10:38 PM
In which case, task accomplished, unless I also misinterpreted the call to action here.
Meanwhile I'm starting to wonder if I will do better at making friends if I teach people to fight. I don't know karate, but I've only ever lost one fight, and it was in the ring so it was a matter of scoring.
Possibly "learn karate" has a colloquial meaning I'm unaware of and I am being awkward.
Possibly "learn karate" has a colloquial meaning I'm unaware of and I am being awkward.
July 11, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Meanwhile I'm starting to wonder if I will do better at making friends if I teach people to fight. I don't know karate, but I've only ever lost one fight, and it was in the ring so it was a matter of scoring.
Possibly "learn karate" has a colloquial meaning I'm unaware of and I am being awkward.
Possibly "learn karate" has a colloquial meaning I'm unaware of and I am being awkward.
This may or may not be helpful but someone gave the the advice that if I can't finish something, it might not be worth finishing. Not strictly true, but the idea has helped me. I bounce back and forth between projects now and actually finish many of them. No novels though, so grain of salt etc.
July 5, 2025 at 6:37 AM
This may or may not be helpful but someone gave the the advice that if I can't finish something, it might not be worth finishing. Not strictly true, but the idea has helped me. I bounce back and forth between projects now and actually finish many of them. No novels though, so grain of salt etc.
I gotta use a different cheese each time I rebuild it or I risk losing interest.
July 5, 2025 at 6:29 AM
I gotta use a different cheese each time I rebuild it or I risk losing interest.
Oxford suggests ~170,000 English, German is much harder to answer, dictionaries have ~300,000 but German relies very heavily on compound words so it could be lower or much, much higher, depending on what's considered common or distinct enough to be its own word.
July 5, 2025 at 6:26 AM
Oxford suggests ~170,000 English, German is much harder to answer, dictionaries have ~300,000 but German relies very heavily on compound words so it could be lower or much, much higher, depending on what's considered common or distinct enough to be its own word.
My metaphor was driving a muscle car with a 700 horsepower engine but the engine is made of cheese. Your metaphor is more coherent.
July 5, 2025 at 6:18 AM
My metaphor was driving a muscle car with a 700 horsepower engine but the engine is made of cheese. Your metaphor is more coherent.