Jonathan Zoia
@jzoia.bsky.social
📍Chicago
👬Adam
🐶 Mari
Gay, feminist, veg
Love: Languages, Travel, Reading, my plants
Vices: Real Housewives and Diet Coke
👬Adam
🐶 Mari
Gay, feminist, veg
Love: Languages, Travel, Reading, my plants
Vices: Real Housewives and Diet Coke
Pinned
Jonathan Zoia
@jzoia.bsky.social
· Nov 16
Reintroduction thread:
Name: Jonathan
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Rogers Park, Chicago
Interests: Books, travel, gardening and houseplants, terrible reality tv, Star Trek
Vocation: Loving Dogs
Name: Jonathan
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Rogers Park, Chicago
Interests: Books, travel, gardening and houseplants, terrible reality tv, Star Trek
Vocation: Loving Dogs
Just had one of those moments where you meet someone who just gets you and your whole schtick.
It started with me asking if he was okay and ended with us doing a 45 minute midwestern goodbye
I needed that
It started with me asking if he was okay and ended with us doing a 45 minute midwestern goodbye
I needed that
November 16, 2025 at 8:56 PM
Just had one of those moments where you meet someone who just gets you and your whole schtick.
It started with me asking if he was okay and ended with us doing a 45 minute midwestern goodbye
I needed that
It started with me asking if he was okay and ended with us doing a 45 minute midwestern goodbye
I needed that
A family friend offered my Grandma her late mother’s hearing aids
Husband: “do you think her Mom can whisper thoughts to your Grandma?”
I burst out laughing
Husband: “glad you liked that”
Me: “Actually, I had the same thought”
Husband: “guess I’ve been married to a weirdo for too long”
Husband: “do you think her Mom can whisper thoughts to your Grandma?”
I burst out laughing
Husband: “glad you liked that”
Me: “Actually, I had the same thought”
Husband: “guess I’ve been married to a weirdo for too long”
November 15, 2025 at 3:31 PM
A family friend offered my Grandma her late mother’s hearing aids
Husband: “do you think her Mom can whisper thoughts to your Grandma?”
I burst out laughing
Husband: “glad you liked that”
Me: “Actually, I had the same thought”
Husband: “guess I’ve been married to a weirdo for too long”
Husband: “do you think her Mom can whisper thoughts to your Grandma?”
I burst out laughing
Husband: “glad you liked that”
Me: “Actually, I had the same thought”
Husband: “guess I’ve been married to a weirdo for too long”
I slept weirdly on my arm and couldn’t move it all morning but the good news is I slipped on the ice and fell right on same arm. Hurt like hell but now it’s back to normal. Must have knocked it into place 😂
November 10, 2025 at 11:27 PM
I slept weirdly on my arm and couldn’t move it all morning but the good news is I slipped on the ice and fell right on same arm. Hurt like hell but now it’s back to normal. Must have knocked it into place 😂
Even the Supreme Court didn’t want to have to look at Kim Davis. “Let those 🚬 get married, we can’t bear it”
November 10, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Even the Supreme Court didn’t want to have to look at Kim Davis. “Let those 🚬 get married, we can’t bear it”
So glad I have been floating our entire household on my savings for 40 days while my husband isn’t getting paid for them to collapse like a house of cards
November 10, 2025 at 2:41 AM
So glad I have been floating our entire household on my savings for 40 days while my husband isn’t getting paid for them to collapse like a house of cards
Early birthday gifts from two different people. I am sensing a plant daddy theme
November 9, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Early birthday gifts from two different people. I am sensing a plant daddy theme
Just in case you didn’t know, because someone in our house didn’t, you shouldn’t mop by standing in the middle of the room and mopping all around yourself 😆
November 6, 2025 at 10:52 PM
Just in case you didn’t know, because someone in our house didn’t, you shouldn’t mop by standing in the middle of the room and mopping all around yourself 😆
I know the surroundings are nothing to write home about but I just think this Ginkgo is the most gorgeous
November 6, 2025 at 8:27 PM
I know the surroundings are nothing to write home about but I just think this Ginkgo is the most gorgeous
Husband: “you have some sort of jacket fetish. You have 11 coats in the hall closet”
Me: “I don’t. This one isn’t mine”
Husband stares
I run away
Me: “I don’t. This one isn’t mine”
Husband stares
I run away
November 5, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Husband: “you have some sort of jacket fetish. You have 11 coats in the hall closet”
Me: “I don’t. This one isn’t mine”
Husband stares
I run away
Me: “I don’t. This one isn’t mine”
Husband stares
I run away
Our normal vet had to reschedule so they sent us to their location in one of the fanciest suburbs. It was quite the experience.
Our dog was a celebrity, they were thrilled to see a pit bull. Every member of their staff stopped to meet her and talked about her fat butt and fat head. It was so cute
Our dog was a celebrity, they were thrilled to see a pit bull. Every member of their staff stopped to meet her and talked about her fat butt and fat head. It was so cute
October 29, 2025 at 2:16 PM
Our normal vet had to reschedule so they sent us to their location in one of the fanciest suburbs. It was quite the experience.
Our dog was a celebrity, they were thrilled to see a pit bull. Every member of their staff stopped to meet her and talked about her fat butt and fat head. It was so cute
Our dog was a celebrity, they were thrilled to see a pit bull. Every member of their staff stopped to meet her and talked about her fat butt and fat head. It was so cute
Just got Covid and flu shots, so now I turn into Spider-Man? I can’t remember
But word to the wise, I have found getting them at Walgreens deeply unpleasant so I got them at Jewel and it was so nice, efficient and they give me a 10% off groceries coupon for each shot
But word to the wise, I have found getting them at Walgreens deeply unpleasant so I got them at Jewel and it was so nice, efficient and they give me a 10% off groceries coupon for each shot
October 27, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Just got Covid and flu shots, so now I turn into Spider-Man? I can’t remember
But word to the wise, I have found getting them at Walgreens deeply unpleasant so I got them at Jewel and it was so nice, efficient and they give me a 10% off groceries coupon for each shot
But word to the wise, I have found getting them at Walgreens deeply unpleasant so I got them at Jewel and it was so nice, efficient and they give me a 10% off groceries coupon for each shot
I guess we are taking a last minute trip to Michigan. My nephew was convinced Uncle Jonathan was coming on a trip to a lake house.
I had never heard about the trip and no one told him I was coming, but he was heartbroken and he is my favorite so off I go.
I had never heard about the trip and no one told him I was coming, but he was heartbroken and he is my favorite so off I go.
October 24, 2025 at 10:54 PM
I guess we are taking a last minute trip to Michigan. My nephew was convinced Uncle Jonathan was coming on a trip to a lake house.
I had never heard about the trip and no one told him I was coming, but he was heartbroken and he is my favorite so off I go.
I had never heard about the trip and no one told him I was coming, but he was heartbroken and he is my favorite so off I go.
I hurt my neck (in my sleep, because I am so cool) and I was complaining to my boss and she said:
“Take a muscle relaxer?”
“I don’t have any”
“Maybe a Xanax?”
“None of that either”
“Oh I always keep Xanax for an emergency. Although Valium is the best”
What kind of doctor does she have!?
“Take a muscle relaxer?”
“I don’t have any”
“Maybe a Xanax?”
“None of that either”
“Oh I always keep Xanax for an emergency. Although Valium is the best”
What kind of doctor does she have!?
October 22, 2025 at 9:41 PM
I hurt my neck (in my sleep, because I am so cool) and I was complaining to my boss and she said:
“Take a muscle relaxer?”
“I don’t have any”
“Maybe a Xanax?”
“None of that either”
“Oh I always keep Xanax for an emergency. Although Valium is the best”
What kind of doctor does she have!?
“Take a muscle relaxer?”
“I don’t have any”
“Maybe a Xanax?”
“None of that either”
“Oh I always keep Xanax for an emergency. Although Valium is the best”
What kind of doctor does she have!?
When I was walking into the house, I saw the man working on our pantry talking to my neighbor at their cars
He came inside super giddy but was unsure if she liked him. I had seen her body language and assured him she did
He came inside super giddy but was unsure if she liked him. I had seen her body language and assured him she did
October 15, 2025 at 7:23 PM
When I was walking into the house, I saw the man working on our pantry talking to my neighbor at their cars
He came inside super giddy but was unsure if she liked him. I had seen her body language and assured him she did
He came inside super giddy but was unsure if she liked him. I had seen her body language and assured him she did
“You should have checked her when she was 8 months old cuz now she is an 17 year old demon”
-randomly overhead lady walking by on her phone
-randomly overhead lady walking by on her phone
October 13, 2025 at 8:26 PM
“You should have checked her when she was 8 months old cuz now she is an 17 year old demon”
-randomly overhead lady walking by on her phone
-randomly overhead lady walking by on her phone
“What’s on your eggs?”
Husband “green onions”
“That does not look like green onions at all”
Husband “that’s because it’s blue cheese”
Husband “green onions”
“That does not look like green onions at all”
Husband “that’s because it’s blue cheese”
October 11, 2025 at 5:16 PM
“What’s on your eggs?”
Husband “green onions”
“That does not look like green onions at all”
Husband “that’s because it’s blue cheese”
Husband “green onions”
“That does not look like green onions at all”
Husband “that’s because it’s blue cheese”
Sometimes I wonder what worthwhile things my parents taught me, but just now as I was walking down the stairs with a pair of scissors, I realized that I was holding them correctly without thinking about it 🤣
Good job, Mom and Dad!
Good job, Mom and Dad!
October 10, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Sometimes I wonder what worthwhile things my parents taught me, but just now as I was walking down the stairs with a pair of scissors, I realized that I was holding them correctly without thinking about it 🤣
Good job, Mom and Dad!
Good job, Mom and Dad!
Just watched activists on bikes come speeding up, half of them whisk away the champurrado man and the other half stayed with his cart just as unmarked van of goons pulled up
October 9, 2025 at 3:43 PM
Just watched activists on bikes come speeding up, half of them whisk away the champurrado man and the other half stayed with his cart just as unmarked van of goons pulled up
Working with much older people is so fun. They think I am so clever for doing normal things and my boss was highly amused by the concept of “basic”
October 7, 2025 at 8:16 PM
Working with much older people is so fun. They think I am so clever for doing normal things and my boss was highly amused by the concept of “basic”
I just really love using the pressure washer
October 5, 2025 at 9:13 PM
I just really love using the pressure washer
We have a shop vac, a huge wet vac, a cheap basic vacuum for the basement, and a Dyson. You’ll never guess which one my husband used to vacuum up a broken water pitcher and the water it contained. I would be mad but it so funny to me
October 4, 2025 at 7:29 PM
We have a shop vac, a huge wet vac, a cheap basic vacuum for the basement, and a Dyson. You’ll never guess which one my husband used to vacuum up a broken water pitcher and the water it contained. I would be mad but it so funny to me
I just randomly remembered a day I was kind of sneaking around a home goods store collecting items to turn a closet into our dogs bedroom
My husband comes over and I am thinking, oh god he is going to think I am so weird, and he says “are you making Mari a bedroom!?!? She will need wall art!”
My husband comes over and I am thinking, oh god he is going to think I am so weird, and he says “are you making Mari a bedroom!?!? She will need wall art!”
October 2, 2025 at 6:45 PM
I just randomly remembered a day I was kind of sneaking around a home goods store collecting items to turn a closet into our dogs bedroom
My husband comes over and I am thinking, oh god he is going to think I am so weird, and he says “are you making Mari a bedroom!?!? She will need wall art!”
My husband comes over and I am thinking, oh god he is going to think I am so weird, and he says “are you making Mari a bedroom!?!? She will need wall art!”
My husband has been furloughed for 28 minutes and he is already driving me up a wall. His constant need to be productive is something I cannot relate to. He is currently in the basement looking for paint to touch up the walls
October 1, 2025 at 5:30 PM
My husband has been furloughed for 28 minutes and he is already driving me up a wall. His constant need to be productive is something I cannot relate to. He is currently in the basement looking for paint to touch up the walls
My grandma is so emotionally smart, no wonder she is healthy at 88. She is upset about “armed masked police roaming around snatching people” but after writing letters and making donations she didn’t know what to do so she learned to use acrylics (she is a pastels lady usually)
Her first attempt:
Her first attempt:
September 30, 2025 at 10:05 PM
My grandma is so emotionally smart, no wonder she is healthy at 88. She is upset about “armed masked police roaming around snatching people” but after writing letters and making donations she didn’t know what to do so she learned to use acrylics (she is a pastels lady usually)
Her first attempt:
Her first attempt:
I am powerless in the face of the plant clearance section
September 27, 2025 at 7:22 PM
I am powerless in the face of the plant clearance section