actually i feel like all the evil pain and suffering in the world comes from me ik that it sounds ridiculous but that's a legitimate belief

how i wish i had a piece of rope rn

starts feeling real and i notice the lack of her in all the small simple steps of our daily routine

she lived in my room since i was like 5 all i would do after school was come back to her then when i dropped out and started self isolating for now 7 years I'd spend every single second of every day being able to just look over to see her I'm not prepared for how empty and lonely I'll feel once it

I'm crying and having a physical reaction but i don't feel anything I'm glad she's not in pain anymore but it hasn't clicked in my head that it's done I'm alone in my room now it feels like when she hd to stay at the vet for a few hours and all i had to do was pick her up it just doesn't feel right

I've cared for planty of terminally ill humans and animals so I'm aware of that so is the medical professional in my house all I was saying in my initial post was that i wouldn't euthanase someone who can still fulfill their needs without needing much help and being in too much pain

idrk what the goal of saying that was if I'm being honest i said that I'm not delusional and know that she'll pass soon it might give her a few more days it might not she's been given medication to manage the pain and is back home which are both likely the reason for her being slightly better also

like I'm not delusional she has a human sized massivle tumour in her tummy and that's that but like how am i supposed to let her go when she's still able to get up and just be her cute little self

i can't say yes to euthanasia when she's in a state like this it's a decision I'll make once there's not an ounce of fight left in her maybe it's selfish but

i could settle on 5 i just really want for the date to have some deeper spiritual meaning both for her and myself and i don't know what i could associate with the 5th

friday and i don't want to make her suffer for any longer than she has to 6th is already pushing it but on Monday we'll be calling all the cremation places to pick the right one and set everything up and then I'd spend the entire Tuesday with her and say goodbye in the morning

it has to be this week so i was thinking 6 since it's the lovers card in tarot and she truly is my onw and only forever soulmate that i believe I'll keep on getting reunited with till the day the universe comes to an end 8 sounded great too as in infinity also 808 but it's

omg this would've been perfect i wish we had them in my country

crying tysm for suvh sweet words

omg tysm I'm gonna have to look into it

gosh i hope that there's a way to transfer the ashes to a different urn later on if not directly then i hope that i can at least put the lil paper like default box into a bigger urn as a whole

that's a great idea I'll resort to that it there's no other way