Jurassic Perk
@jurassicperk.bsky.social
Enjoy a coffee and snacks at Jurassic Perk. Located just outside the visitors centre of the world famous Jurassic park. The staff don't bite, the attractions... er...
May contain adult humour, sex and violence. You know, the good stuff.
May contain adult humour, sex and violence. You know, the good stuff.
Pinned
Jurassic Perk
@jurassicperk.bsky.social
· Oct 21
Jurassic Perk accepts no responsibility for lost limbs, emotional trauma, or spontaneous fossilisation incurred during your visit.
By entering the premises, you acknowledge the following:
By entering the premises, you acknowledge the following:
Jurassic Perk: The coffee cart is now armored. Please report any claw marks or bite attempts.
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to “boop” the nose of any dinosaur. That’s how Gary lost his booping privileges.
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to “boop” the nose of any dinosaur. That’s how Gary lost his booping privileges.
October 27, 2025 at 7:59 AM
Jurassic Perk: The coffee cart is now armored. Please report any claw marks or bite attempts.
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to “boop” the nose of any dinosaur. That’s how Gary lost his booping privileges.
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to “boop” the nose of any dinosaur. That’s how Gary lost his booping privileges.
Jurassic Perk: The pterodactyls have claimed the roof terrace. All rooftop yoga is suspended until further notice.
Staff Notice:
“playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
Staff Notice:
“playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
October 26, 2025 at 8:56 PM
Jurassic Perk: The pterodactyls have claimed the roof terrace. All rooftop yoga is suspended until further notice.
Staff Notice:
“playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
Staff Notice:
“playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
Jurassic Perk: Our espresso is ethically sourced and dinosaur-proof. Mostly.
Staff Notice:
Staff are reminded that “playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
Staff Notice:
Staff are reminded that “playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
October 26, 2025 at 8:31 AM
Jurassic Perk: Our espresso is ethically sourced and dinosaur-proof. Mostly.
Staff Notice:
Staff are reminded that “playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
Staff Notice:
Staff are reminded that “playing dead” is ineffective against velociraptors. They’ve read the handbook.
Jurassic Perk: Management is not liable for lost limbs, dignity, or snacks. Enter at your own risk.
Staff Notice:
Jurassic Perk is not responsible for time travel, cloning mishaps, or existential dread when working your shift.
Staff Notice:
Jurassic Perk is not responsible for time travel, cloning mishaps, or existential dread when working your shift.
October 25, 2025 at 11:58 AM
Jurassic Perk: Management is not liable for lost limbs, dignity, or snacks. Enter at your own risk.
Staff Notice:
Jurassic Perk is not responsible for time travel, cloning mishaps, or existential dread when working your shift.
Staff Notice:
Jurassic Perk is not responsible for time travel, cloning mishaps, or existential dread when working your shift.
Jurassic Perk: Our loyalty card offers one free coffee after ten visits—or one free escape attempt.
Staff Notice:
Carnivore enclosures are off-limits during lunch breaks. You smell delicious.
Staff Notice:
Carnivore enclosures are off-limits during lunch breaks. You smell delicious.
October 22, 2025 at 7:22 AM
Jurassic Perk: Our loyalty card offers one free coffee after ten visits—or one free escape attempt.
Staff Notice:
Carnivore enclosures are off-limits during lunch breaks. You smell delicious.
Staff Notice:
Carnivore enclosures are off-limits during lunch breaks. You smell delicious.
Customer notice:
Yes, the operating system is real. Stop asking.
www.paleontologyworld.com/entertainmen...
Yes, the operating system is real. Stop asking.
www.paleontologyworld.com/entertainmen...
October 21, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Customer notice:
Yes, the operating system is real. Stop asking.
www.paleontologyworld.com/entertainmen...
Yes, the operating system is real. Stop asking.
www.paleontologyworld.com/entertainmen...
Jurassic Perk: Lost and found now includes hats, phones, and one left shoe (size 9, slightly chewed).
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to ride the triceratops. It is not a company perk.
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to ride the triceratops. It is not a company perk.
October 21, 2025 at 12:46 PM
Jurassic Perk: Lost and found now includes hats, phones, and one left shoe (size 9, slightly chewed).
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to ride the triceratops. It is not a company perk.
Staff Notice:
Do not attempt to ride the triceratops. It is not a company perk.
Jurassic Perk accepts no responsibility for lost limbs, emotional trauma, or spontaneous fossilisation incurred during your visit.
By entering the premises, you acknowledge the following:
By entering the premises, you acknowledge the following:
October 21, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Jurassic Perk accepts no responsibility for lost limbs, emotional trauma, or spontaneous fossilisation incurred during your visit.
By entering the premises, you acknowledge the following:
By entering the premises, you acknowledge the following:
Jurassic Perk: Dino droppings are not compostable. Please use bins provided.
Staff Notice:
All staff must complete the annual “How Not to Get Eaten” training.
Staff Notice:
All staff must complete the annual “How Not to Get Eaten” training.
October 21, 2025 at 12:32 PM
Jurassic Perk: Dino droppings are not compostable. Please use bins provided.
Staff Notice:
All staff must complete the annual “How Not to Get Eaten” training.
Staff Notice:
All staff must complete the annual “How Not to Get Eaten” training.
Jurassic Perk: If your latte starts vibrating, that's not the caffeine. It’s the footfalls.
Staff Notice:
All employees must log sightings of rogue dinosaurs. “He looked hungry” is not a valid entry.
Staff Notice:
All employees must log sightings of rogue dinosaurs. “He looked hungry” is not a valid entry.
October 21, 2025 at 6:54 AM
Jurassic Perk: If your latte starts vibrating, that's not the caffeine. It’s the footfalls.
Staff Notice:
All employees must log sightings of rogue dinosaurs. “He looked hungry” is not a valid entry.
Staff Notice:
All employees must log sightings of rogue dinosaurs. “He looked hungry” is not a valid entry.
Jurassic Perk: Buy one baby goat to feed the t-rex and get a free brownie.
Staff Notice:
I have decided I'm a pharaoh. Therefore, all staff will be buried in my pyramid. Also, all staff are required to attend pyramid building sessions.
Staff Notice:
I have decided I'm a pharaoh. Therefore, all staff will be buried in my pyramid. Also, all staff are required to attend pyramid building sessions.
October 20, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Jurassic Perk: Buy one baby goat to feed the t-rex and get a free brownie.
Staff Notice:
I have decided I'm a pharaoh. Therefore, all staff will be buried in my pyramid. Also, all staff are required to attend pyramid building sessions.
Staff Notice:
I have decided I'm a pharaoh. Therefore, all staff will be buried in my pyramid. Also, all staff are required to attend pyramid building sessions.
Jurassic Perk: Our pastries are prehistoric. That’s not a euphemism—it’s a carbon dating issue.
Staff Notice:
If you hear distant stomping, evacuate calmly. Screaming only attracts attention.
Staff Notice:
If you hear distant stomping, evacuate calmly. Screaming only attracts attention.
October 20, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Jurassic Perk: Our pastries are prehistoric. That’s not a euphemism—it’s a carbon dating issue.
Staff Notice:
If you hear distant stomping, evacuate calmly. Screaming only attracts attention.
Staff Notice:
If you hear distant stomping, evacuate calmly. Screaming only attracts attention.
Staff Notice:
Steve thought this was funny to put up in the customer area. Steve was nominated to check the raptor enclosure for the next month.
Not so funny now Steve.
Steve thought this was funny to put up in the customer area. Steve was nominated to check the raptor enclosure for the next month.
Not so funny now Steve.
October 20, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Staff Notice:
Steve thought this was funny to put up in the customer area. Steve was nominated to check the raptor enclosure for the next month.
Not so funny now Steve.
Steve thought this was funny to put up in the customer area. Steve was nominated to check the raptor enclosure for the next month.
Not so funny now Steve.
Jurassic Perk: Come for the scones, stay for the blood.
Staff Notice: Whoever ordered from Temu, I will find you. 70000 emails from them in my inbox already.
Staff Notice: Whoever ordered from Temu, I will find you. 70000 emails from them in my inbox already.
October 20, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Jurassic Perk: Come for the scones, stay for the blood.
Staff Notice: Whoever ordered from Temu, I will find you. 70000 emails from them in my inbox already.
Staff Notice: Whoever ordered from Temu, I will find you. 70000 emails from them in my inbox already.
Jurassic Perk: How would you top your sub?
Staff Notice:
Just stop it. Now.
Staff Notice:
Just stop it. Now.
October 20, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Jurassic Perk: How would you top your sub?
Staff Notice:
Just stop it. Now.
Staff Notice:
Just stop it. Now.
Jurassic Perk: Free refills unless the T-Rex drinks it first. Then… condolences.
Staff Notice:
Staff must wear high-vis vests at all times. Camouflage is not a survival strategy.
Staff Notice:
Staff must wear high-vis vests at all times. Camouflage is not a survival strategy.
October 20, 2025 at 4:15 PM
Jurassic Perk: Free refills unless the T-Rex drinks it first. Then… condolences.
Staff Notice:
Staff must wear high-vis vests at all times. Camouflage is not a survival strategy.
Staff Notice:
Staff must wear high-vis vests at all times. Camouflage is not a survival strategy.
Jurassic Perk: Please do not tap the glass. The raptors find it rude and may file complaints.
Staff Notice:
T-Rex break room access is revoked. Last week’s coffee machine incident was the final straw.
Staff Notice:
T-Rex break room access is revoked. Last week’s coffee machine incident was the final straw.
October 20, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Jurassic Perk: Please do not tap the glass. The raptors find it rude and may file complaints.
Staff Notice:
T-Rex break room access is revoked. Last week’s coffee machine incident was the final straw.
Staff Notice:
T-Rex break room access is revoked. Last week’s coffee machine incident was the final straw.
Jurassic Perk: Our espresso is ethically sourced and dinosaur-proof. Mostly.
Staff Notice:
Please do not feed the velociraptors. They now associate humans with snacks.
Staff Notice:
Please do not feed the velociraptors. They now associate humans with snacks.
October 20, 2025 at 3:57 PM
Jurassic Perk: Our espresso is ethically sourced and dinosaur-proof. Mostly.
Staff Notice:
Please do not feed the velociraptors. They now associate humans with snacks.
Staff Notice:
Please do not feed the velociraptors. They now associate humans with snacks.