I am a terrible ungrateful person.

Also now I’m filling the void with eBay offers on things that would have been better presents to me.

Gonna start carrying a handkerchief everywhere. Gravy boat for my green dish collection. Chas Addams cartoon book from 1959. Lot of assorted chandelier crystals.

Very cute, very sweet.

If you ever see me doing outlandish stuff or being a perfectionist or struggling hard and being unable to ask for help or being weirdly too outgoing in social situations or trying to fix everything just know that I am my parents least favorite child and that is why I need all of you to validate me.

both of them have stopped talking to the parent that prefers them over the other two of us and so now not only am I talking to my sisters less but both of my parents want to talk to me way more-not because they like me, but because they want to complain about the sibling that is freezing them out.

generally prefers my youngest sister. I have rationalized this by separating myself from my sisters for most of my life but as adults we now really love each other and value our relationships over theirs. For whatever reason that seems to be slipping and I am really annoyed. I miss them, but also

I know that’s 100% not a judgement I should be making but they can’t seem to fathom liking a man that isnt just the gender bent version of themself. Anyway, there’s a girl going through the same thing on tiktok right now and she’s getting the same feedback and ignoring it. It’s okay to be gay babes.

in the last couple weeks that I’ve been on less than I had for a couple of months before that. I dunno, I’m experimenting with this for a while longer though. Its been bizarrely frustrating to lose sooo much weight and still be medically overweight but I don’t want to care but I kind of still do.

So many exceptionally sad funeral slide shows used those as background music and they would loop for hours and hours and hours and god damn it gives me flashbacks in the grocery store and that’s sooooo lame. That’s cringe. That’s so fucking boring of me. Fuck.

Very satisfying for my inner child that I can sew my own winter coat or build a fence I designed or bake a three tiered cake or book bind or hang a chandelier or cobble my own shoes or cure meats or cross pollinate flowers to make my own seed variety or cast jewelry or build a house. Feels good.

one piece of card stock on the outside so it kind of had a cover and all I wanted was to make a REAL book with hard covers and a spine and cloth on the outside and sewn pages on the inside and I was told no that would take a long time and now all I do is make real things that take a long time.

“Next Friday and Saturday will be good for paint!” And so will Wednesday and Thursday. Insulate your house and hire an exterminator for your flea ridden mouse infested kitchen.

Also this is the only friend who has not helped me even one bit, everyone else has shown up for some kind of help.